Phillip’s still quiet.
“I would have told you earlier, but I didn’t know how to without also telling you about the attack. And I was so ashamed of that. I just wanted to bury it away and never think of it again. Almost like I could pretend it never happened.”
“I understand.”
“I hadn’t seen Brayden since that night. I didn’t even know his name before.”
Phillip’s arms relax. “Lei.” He puts his hand on my knee. “I’m not threatened. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
No, I guess we don’t. But right now, I’m not sure what kind of relationship we do have.
He kisses my forehead. “I saw your painting.” He gestures to the easel in the corner of the room.
I back off his lap and return to the couch. “What’d you think?”
“It’s a good little hobby, Lei. But you’re a scientist, not an artist.”
“What do you mean?”
Phillip chuckles. “Well, you’re the daughter of two scientists. These paintings are for you, not the public, right? I mean, what you’ve painted isn’t exactly meant to impress, is it?”
I stand up. “That’s mean, Phillip.”
He keeps chuckling but less loudly now. Less confidently. His gaze meets mine, and it’s like he finally sees what I was so certain he’d see weeks ago—something’s changed. Everything’s changed, really, but I can’t expect him to know all of that yet. I’m not sure I even understand what’s happening.
That’s when it hits me. I got so used to living in Phillip’s shadow I grew to believe I couldn’t live without him. I lived without him the first sixteen years of my life, but the next ten are filled with memories of Phillip Rowe and all his accomplishments. He’s been by my side my entire adult life.
As he finally stops smirking, I realize how devastating it can feel to have somebody you’ve counted on—somebody you’ve trusted—crush your dreams and not let you shine. Even though it’s unconscious and he means well, Phillip never wanted me to shine.
I turn my back on Phillip and carefully go put my paints away in a trunk. Mom gave me this trunk when Grandma died; she said she used to keep her microscope in there so her mother wouldn’t think she was “too much of a nerd.” I guess this trunk is meant to keep secrets—and important dreams—safe.
“Lei.” Phillip comes over to me as I squat silently in front of the trunk I just closed. “Hey.”
“Hi, Phillip.” I don’t look up at him, though, and he doesn’t seem to know what else to say.
“We’re going to be okay, Leleila. I’ll be away tomorrow night, but in less than two weeks, you and I are going to get married, and everything will settle down.”
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning, Phillip has some work to do at the university before he leaves for the conference. Gerry calls and asks if I can meet him for breakfast instead of lunch. That’s when Phillip says he’ll drive me, and then we can leave together so he can come home and pack.
When we arrive at campus, I wave goodbye to Phillip and walk into Huckman Hall, remembering all the meals I ate here—sometimes with Phillip but often with other psychology students as we hurriedly ate with our textbooks and laptops laid out around us so we wouldn’t miss an hour of studying. I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would, and my stomach turns into knots of anxiety just going through the cafeteria line with my tray of eggs and toast.
As soon as Gerry and I take our seats at the corner table and he swallows his first bite of omelet, he says to me, “I asked to meet with you because I just found out some news. News that may upset you. But I believe you have a right to know the truth.”
Dread shoots through my gut. “What kind of news? Is it about my defense date?”
“Not exactly.” He takes a breath and looks me dead in the eyes. “I was talking to a member of the panel—I won’t say who because, honestly, it really doesn’t matter as they were all involved.”
“Involved in what?”
“Leleila, Phillip went to the panel ahead of time and assured them that if they agreed to pass you, he would make sure you fixed your data before sending out your paper for publication. He may have even intimated that you were on board with this idea.”
My head starts spinning. “He what? I don’t understand.”
“Let me back up.” Gerry’s face contorts with guilt. “I went to Phillip first.”
“You. Spoke to my fiancé about my research.”
