I tap my metal spoon against my now-empty cereal bowl.
“Do it, Lei. Take the class.” Long silence again to swallow. “We’ll dance together after we marry. Besides, we don’t have anything new to learn about each other; we’ve already lived together for years. This isn’t our parents’ era, baby.”
“Right.”
“In terms of today, if you can man the table for a while, I’ll take over for you as soon as I can,” he promises.
That’s about as good an offer as I’m going to get. I take it and go upstairs to shower. Our house phone rings, and I yell down to Phillip that I’ve got it.
“You’re still going, right?” Sophia’s voice comes through so loudly and with such enthusiasm I have to hold the receiver away from my ear.
“Going where?”
Judging by her happy tone, she can’t possibly mean the food drive. Sophia hates these things; she only does them because I drag her.
“Food for Hunger? Gazebo? Have you forgotten?” She sounds breathless.
“Yes, I’m going. I have no choice. You can skip it and just pick me up there around eleven if you prefer, and we can get coffee. I’m sure I’ll be more than ready to leave by then.”
“I’ve got two umbrellas next to me in case it rains,” she says. “And my best raincoat. You wear yours, too, Lei. As well as something slutty and easy to take off underneath.”
“What?!” I close the bedroom door and then sit down on the bed. “Sophia, I’m not…”
“Not dressing up for Brayden?” Sophia’s tone is impatient now. “Remember him? He’s coming today.” She laughs. “Hopefully in more ways than one. And before you get mad, I’m only teasing you about the coming part. Kind of. You know June and I just want what’s best for you. We want you to be happy, Lei. And this feels like your last month of freedom. You know?”
I lie back on my pillows, trying to ignore the feeling of suffocation I get at her words. “Sophia, he probably won’t even show up. I doubt Brayden’s big on food drives.”
“Nooooo.” She says it slowly and draws the word out as if she’s talking to someone who’s not very smart. “Brayden’s big on you, Leleila. And you’ll be there. Trust me, so will he. Plus, he’s got the perfect excuse—June tries to get as many staff as she can to help out. And you’re her sister, plus you’re working at the store too. So even though you’re technically forbidden to him, you’re actually not. And that little interplay right there? Priceless. I’m hot just thinking about it.”
I swallow and sit up quickly. “I’m getting off the phone. This is a ridiculous conversation.”
“Just remember to wear something slutty!” I go to hang up the phone, but I can still hear her. “Or go topless underneath your raincoat—that’s even better!”
I slam down the receiver. My face is burning hot as I stand up to go shower.
While the warm water washes over my body, I chide myself for worrying about Phillip and me. Phillip cares about me, and he loves me dearly.
The thing is, he hasn’t been looking at me very much lately, and until Brayden re-entered my life, I think I’d tuned out Phillip’s lack of attention. Somewhere along the way, I stopped noticing that Phillip’s focus was on his work far more than on his relationship. Our routine of living nearly separate lives has become just that—our new normal.
Feeling another man’s eyes on me has done more than awaken my sleeping libido; it’s alerted me to issues in my relationship that I’ve been sweeping under the carpet and refusing to look at.
As I rinse the shampoo out of my hair, I try to remember when it started. Was it once Phillip got tenured? Maybe. That moment was so exciting at the time, and I remember making love that night, and thinking how proud of him I was, and how lucky that I found him before somebody else did. Because once he was tenured, all these female scientists came calling under the façade of seeking professional advice. And Phillip loved every second of their attention.
It bothered me, but then Phillip proposed. When he held out his hand and asked me to take it forever, I felt cared for and special. But after I said yes, I had a nagging feeling inside, a whisper of what felt like entrapment. I thought it was because I always thought of marriage as old-fashioned and antiquated, and I never wanted to feel owned. But Phillip agrees with all of that. I think.
I take the soap off the dish and run it down my body. When I reach my breasts, I start to think about Brayden again, and I can’t stop. I run that soap over and over myself until I’m fully lathered up, and yet I don’t want to rinse off and get out of the shower.
But I do.
I put in my contact lenses, which always takes me at least two tries, and take my time getting dressed.
Just as I reach the bedroom, my phone buzzes.
My heart lurches when I look down and see Brayden’s name flash across my screen.
I flick the screen to read his text.
Just found out this weekend could work if you’re free at all to grab that sample.
