“Because I realized everything doesn’t have to change just because you don’t have a career,” he says.
I cringe at those last six words.
“Yet,” he adds quickly. “You will eventually, but in the meantime, a new grant just became available. It’s brand new, doesn’t require us to both be professors, and will be super competitive. But I think I can pull it off, especially if my latest paper gets published. That will really help to put me ahead of the competition. It’s for tenured professors only, and if I get it, we can still move to Africa after we marry. In fact, you not playing into the mix could actually free us up to do even more location-based work in the future.” He looks over at Dr. Lucas eagerly. “I’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica and study the rainforests there, you know, how to salvage rainwater and perhaps…”
“Phillip,” I say. “I’m not sure about this. I mean, we were going to be living on two salaries, and if I can’t get a job abroad...”
“But we’re only living on one now,” he says. “That’s a big improvement from when we were both in school and relying on our parents’ help. So what will be different?”
I don’t know how to tell him everything will be different if I’m sitting around in Africa or Costa Rica with absolutely nothing to do except help my husband collect data for his future book.
I exhale slowly. “I want to get my PhD still, honey. And I have to be here to do that.”
“But you can’t even try again for a year,” he says. “So if we leave for Africa in January, we’d be back just a couple of months after that timeframe. What’s a couple of months in the scheme of things? You could stand on your head and spit pennies during that time.”
I think I’m going to throw up. I shift away from him and turn to face the rest of the group.
“Who wants more wine?” I say brightly.
When I get to the safety of the kitchen, I reach for my phone to call my advisor.
It goes straight to voicemail.
“Gerry, it’s Leleila. I would like to talk to you about my dissertation. I think the panel may have acted hastily and that my research is more complete than you all thought it was. I will be spending some of my time at Big Sky Grocer, and I know you get your lunch there sometimes, so…” I pause, not sure how to avoid sounding desperate. “Please come see me so we can figure this out.”
I end the call and immediately press another number.
“June,” I say when she answers. “I’m in. I’ll start tomorrow.”
Chapter Five
The next morning, I walk into Big Sky Grocer and immediately head for June’s office. As I round the corner in the produce section, I run straight into Brayden.
“Hey, granola girl.” Brayden grins at me. “How are you?”
I freeze, a half-smile on my face.
Good Lord.
Brayden’s eyes are beautiful. And he looks directly at me when he’s speaking to me. I’m so not used to that.
He’s wearing a fitted t-shirt, a pair of sexy jeans, and those sinfully-hot cowboy boots again. He’s athletic and fit, but he smells so good, like cologne and soap. I don’t get it. Phillip sweats like a dog from biking, yet Brayden doesn’t seem to suffer at all from lifting all those boxes.
Powerless to break the eye contact, I stand there like an idiot and stare back at him.
“Do you work here every day?” I eventually get out.
Brayden winks. “It bothering you?”
I open my mouth to answer him, but I can’t think of what to say.
“Leleila. How are you?” he says more softly.
I definitely need to start walking again. I turn on my heel but call back in as friendly a voice as I can muster. “I’m great! I’ll see you later!”
When I reach June’s office, I shut the door behind me.
“Hi,” I say in a strained voice.
