“Lei, you’re okay,” he whispers into my ear. “You’re safe here with me. I’ll never hurt you.”
“I know.” I pull back abruptly and get my two feet out the door. “Just give me a few minutes.”
* * *
Brayden
Shit. I bang my head against the closed door and head back to the porch where I stand with my glass of wine and stare out the window again. I have an active imagination, and images of making love to Leleila in my house have been haunting me since I met her. Against the wall, in my bed, over the arm of the couch—anywhere she’ll have me, I’ll take her. I want her in every way imaginable, but not until she’s good and ready. Because once will never be enough for me with Leleila Wills. I’m kidding myself if I think I’d actually turn her down, no matter how she offers herself to me. If she said she could only do one night, I’d say yes. If she said she could do forever, I’m all in.
Except she just bolted out my front door. Took off without a second glance back. And I’m here alone with nothing but my wine for company.
I will myself to stay put even though every other part of me is screaming to chase her down and rope her back to me where she’ll be safe. Because I know she needs to have her space, on her terms, for once. And I’m going to stand here and give it to her.
I know Leleila doesn’t want anyone else, even her ex. I saw them together, and Leleila didn’t look at him the way she looks at me. Like she wants to tear my clothes off and let me do naughty things to her. Like she trusts me with her life. Leleila thinks she isn’t good in bed because of her past, and I know I can change all of that if she’ll just give me a chance and let go of the terror.
More than anything, I just want her to feel safe. In the world and with me.
I swirl the wine in my glass and swallow what’s left of it in one gulp.
* * *
Leleila
I run to the small barn on Big River Ranch, straight to the stall where Brayden mentioned Blazer was for the night. The ranch is dark and empty with no one around but me and my demons.
The rain picks up steam as I reach the barn, and I know it’s going to be a wet walk back to the house. But Blazer looks up and whinnies when he sees me, and I immediately feel myself relax.
“Hey, boy.” I step closer so Blazer can nose my hand. “How are you?”
Blazer’s looking for a snack, but unfortunately I came empty-handed. I compromise by hand-feeding him some of the oats from his bucket.
He’s so gentle and loving. He would never hurt me.
Just like his owner.
My eyes fill with tears.
I can’t blame Noah for the fact that I ran out on Brayden. When I’m truly honest with myself, I realize I’m afraid. I’m afraid to feel as good as I felt when Brayden and I made out after the bonfire party because I’ve never let myself lose control before. Especially not in the bedroom. I’m scared to let go the way I think I could with Brayden. My body won’t let me forget what it wants, though, and neither will my heart.
I give Blazer one last pat and go stand outside in the pouring rain. Within minutes, I’m soaked. And I’m freezing cold. But I’ve surrendered. In body and heart and spirit, I’ve surrendered.
You can’t help what you want or what feels right. And if you’re smart, you’ll listen to yourself and ignore those voices in your head that tell you you’re crazy, that tell you change isn’t worth the risk. If you’re smart, you’ll ignore everybody else long enough to make the right choice for you.
I pick up the hem of my dress and turn toward where I just came from.
* * *
Brayden answers my knock then he puts his arm around me and brings me inside. “You’re soaking wet. You must be freezing.”
“I went to the small barn to see Blazer.” I look up at him. “He’s an amazing horse.”
“He is.” Brayden leads me onto his porch where he puts a thick blanket around my shoulders and goes about stoking the fire. “It should warm up pretty quickly. Do you want tea or hot chocolate?”
I shake my head. “I want you, Brayden. That’s it.”
His gaze fixes on me, and his crystal blue eyes turn liquid with heat. “Leleila.”
We reach for each other at the same time—our lips, our bodies, our hearts. Brayden’s mouth is all over mine, his tongue urgent and probing. We pour everything into the kiss—all the emotions we’ve harbored for the last few weeks, every sensation we’ve felt but couldn’t express. My heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and I cling to Brayden as his heart pounds against mine.
