But then his expression closes down, and he pulls back abruptly.
And I do, too.
We stare at each other, neither of us saying a word.
The loud, insistent ringing of Dylan’s room phone breaks the awkward silence between us.
I sit up and hurriedly refasten my jeans, and Dylan stands up and answers his phone.
The interruption has returned my brain to my head, and I stand up. Things are moving far too fast for me to maintain any semblance of control over my emotions.
And from the way he’s avoiding making eye contact with me, Dylan’s coming to the exact same realization.
“Um…” I call out awkwardly. “I guess I’ll see you later?”
He turns back to face me. “Tim, hold on a second.”
He covers the phone receiver with his hand. “Sorry, I have to take this. Are we good?”
“Of course.”
A shadow crosses his face; if I’m not mistaken, it looks like regret.
Shit.I may be scared, but I don’t regret what just happened.
I wave at him and turn and leave.
Out the door, down the hall to the stairwell, and I don’t stop until I reach my room.
Chapter Twelve
I bolt the door. Then I throw on my ear buds and pace around my room while I listen to music on my phone. I can’t stay still. I’m not used to feeling this alive. Dylan’s fingers and his sounds when he touched me are on replay in my head. I want to turn the fantasy off. I need to turn it off. Because this three-day thing I’m in the middle of is just that—a fantasy. Real life doesn’t feel this good.
My favorite song by Tori Amos comes on, and my eyes smart with tears. I feel like a part of every woman’s heart is in her vagina. Lilla says I should use the word pussy. She thinks it’s more sensual. Either way, I think a piece of my heart resides in that part of my body, which is why it’s so important who I allow inside. Because I’ve already made a lot of mistakes in that area. Not in terms of numbers—I’ve only slept with three guys. But all three were missteps. Miscalculations. All three couldn’t give me even close to what I needed. And I don’t want to make another error in judgment. Not with my body and not with my heart. Because for me, the two have always been intertwined.
I go over to my mound of clay and stare at it. Then I kneel on the floor. And I sculpt him. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t get Dylan Wild out of my head. And sculpting is the only way I’ve ever found to stop thinking.
I work at the clay for quite a while. When I’m finished, I don’t think anybody else would recognize the figure as Dylan Wild. Because I sculpt rather weirdly. I’m a weird sculptor. Abstract, I like to call it. When I sculpt with a particular person in mind, I go for their essence rather than their physical features. Something like that.
That’s why I quit art school. I got my business degree to be practical, but I tried art school for one semester in the night program after work. I thought it was just what I needed, but I quit by the end of term. I felt like they tried to change me, tried to change my own unique style so that it meshed with everyone else’s. It felt like taking the best part of someone and trying to squeeze them into a predetermined mold.
I never even opened my first set of grades. I threw the envelope into the trash and took the garbage down to the street immediately so I wouldn’t be tempted. Grades and judgment can be a dangerous game to get hooked on, and I have enough problems as it is.
I’m in the bathroom washing the clay off my hands when I hear—
“Jasalie!” Lilla’s knocking on my door like the hotel’s on fire. “Jase! Are you in there?”
I throw a towel over the sculpture of Dylan and go let her in. “Hey, Lil. Is everything all right?”
“Where have you been?” She throws herself down on my bed. “I need guy advice!”
I join her on the bed. “I don’t think I’m the best person to come to then. My own situation’s a bit of a mess.”
“That’s okay. We’ll talk about you later. Me first—I’m freaking out!”
“Sure, but tonight’s event starts early because they want to finish up by nine-thirty. I need to start getting ready, and you should too, so spill it fast.”
“I think Marcus’s girlfriend is flying in for the team party tonight.” She sits up and pouts.
