“Christ,” he mutters. “Feels so good, Olive.”
He guides me onto my back, and his hand slips in between us to the part of me that needs him so badly right now I’m shaking.
“Shit.” Jenson’s voice is raw. “You’re so wet.”
I reach for the condoms inside my bedside table and hand him one. “I need you inside me.”
He’s just rolled the condom on when his cell phone rings. He reaches over and hits ignore, but it rings again immediately.
“Just see who it is,” I say.
He glances at the phone. “It’s an 800 number. It’s nothing.”
He turns off his phone, and finally there’s silence. It’s just Jenson and me like I’ve fantasized about for so many years. He braces himself over me, and I wrap my arms around his back and look into his eyes.
But when he goes to push inside me, to take that final, irreversible step, something stops us. Me. My muscles tense and Jenson can’t…get in, so to speak. I take a few deep breaths and tell him to try again.
Nothing.
Despite how intimate we’ve gotten this past week, intercourse seals the deal, and that seems to be the one thing I’m not able to do. We try everything, from different positions to taking a break to powering through. Nothing works. I’m just not having it today.
Mom’s phone call certainly didn’t help. But the truth is, I’m scared. The memory of my heart breaking when Jenson and I ended things all those years ago still haunts me. It’s illogical, but the heart doesn’t care about logic.
“It’s okay.” Jenson touches my cheek with his hand. “It’s all right.” He rolls off of me onto his back, puts his arms around me, and rests my head on his bare chest.
“Oh, Lord.” I’m so embarrassed I don’t think it’s possible to feel more uncomfortable than I feel right now.
“So we practice,” he says. “All good things take practice, right?”
I trace invisible circles over his chest with my finger. “I bet you and Meghan didn’t need to practice.”
“Hey.” He takes my chin in his hand, forcing me to make eye contact with him. His are warm and tender. “I bet Meghan and I didn’t have the history that you and I have. Nobody makes me feel the way you do, Olivia. Don’t let this mess with your head.”
I glance at the clock. “You have to go soon. You’ve got your coaches meeting.” I hesitate, not sure I should say something, but I don’t want him to think I’ve forgotten. “How are you doing? You know, about Donald?”
Jenson pats my leg. “Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not talk about it. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if anything. I just need some time on it.”
“Okay.” I put my hand on his. “I won’t mention it until you do then. But I’m always here.”
I walk with him to my front door.
“This is just the beginning for us,” he says as he kisses me good-bye. “You and me—we’re only getting started with how good this can be.”
“Do you think in some parallel world we’re married with two point five kids and a white picket fence?”
“It’s what’s kept me going,” Jenson says, his hands in my hair while he nibbles my lips. “The dream of getting to that universe someday.”
I wave goodbye as he walks backwards out my front door. Once he disappears into his truck and turns out of my driveway, I reach for my phone to call Hayley.
I need a drink.
