My throat goes tight, but I finally say the words I’ve always wanted to say to him. “I’m sorry I told you I wanted to forget about us. I was seventeen, stupid, and heartbroken.”
His eyes find mine in the dark. “Can you tell me the whole story?”
I choke back the emotion filling my throat. “My father…”
“Your father?” Jenson’s tone is hard. “What’d he say to you?”
“He had no clue about us,” I assure him. “None of them did.”
We were always experts at hiding our attraction to each other. Because we had always been close, everyone in our family accepted that we were simply best friends.
“So if he didn’t suspect anything, what did he say?”
“He came to see me a couple weeks after I’d moved to school in Philly. And he talked about you. About how we had all learned you were going to become a father.”
“And…”
“And he kind of told me to take a step back in my friendship with you. He said it was important for us to remain close, like cousins, but that you and Meghan needed time to sort things out. He said with all the big changes, you becoming parents together, you needed private time to get to know each other and go through her pregnancy.”
“He had no right to do that. You were so young—you needed me.”
“I did, but the thing is he was right in a way. I would have never forgiven myself if you and Meghan hadn’t had the space to really give your marriage a shot. And…”
“There’s more?”
“And I knew how badly you’d always wanted your own family, and I didn’t want you to lose the one you had because of me being selfish and wanting you for myself.”
“Shit, Olive.” Jenson runs his hand through his hair.
“I know. It was so hard, but I cared about you too much to tell you why I was pulling back. If I’d told you, you would have lost focus on Meghan. And you needed to know for sure if she was the one for you or not. In my screwed-up teenage mind, I thought it would be my fault if you had all that ripped away from you. But I hated myself for not telling you my reasons.”
He wipes at his eyes. “Please don’t hate yourself. We felt like the world was against us. I’m just glad you finally told me the truth.”
I brush a single tear off his cheek. “I just want to make clear—I never doubted the way I felt for you, J. I always wanted you. That hasn’t changed. Ever.”
“For me, neither.” His hand finds mine.
“Honestly,” I say in nearly a whisper. “I was in so much pain. And I didn’t know how to feel better. I guess part of me thought that if we just stopped being so close, we’d grow apart and maybe Meghan would help you forget about me.”
“Forget this?” His hand squeezes mine. “Forget us? Olive, it was never possible for me to forget you. Meghan and I—we weren’t ever in love.”
I squeeze his hand back. “It was a long time ago.”
“It was.” He shifts closer to me. “But the insane way that I want you has never diminished.”
My heart rises into my throat as I stare into his eyes.
He squeezes my shoulder. “Even though you’d pulled away from me, remember how I called you up the night Kyle and Connor were born?”
“Of course.”
We hadn’t had a real conversation since he told me his baby news. Then, Jenson called out of the blue and asked me to drive out to Pittsburgh the night his twin sons entered the world. I skipped my last two classes of the day and jumped in the car. I met him at the hospital where he took me to the maternity wing and pointed out Connor and Kyle among all the other babies lying behind the glass wall. I said I would have recognized them anyway because they were the most beautiful babies in the room. When I left the hospital that night, I felt what was left of my heart shatter into a million pieces.
“I can’t imagine what that was like for you.” He laces his strong fingers through my soft ones. “The fact that you came all the way out there, just for me, when it must have hurt like hell for you to be a part of something so…”
“Something that was so beautiful,” I say so quietly he has to dip his head to hear me. “Seeing you as a father for the first time is a sight I’d never take back.”
We stop talking, and silence hits the bridge. Soon, all I can hear are our heavy breaths filling the air.
