No. That’s a lie.
I don’t hate myself.
I hate that I can’t stop.
Because my brain should be screaming about the flash drive buried in my bag. About the fact that someone was in my apartment tearing through my drawers like they owned the place. About how my father is dead and now a stranger withtattoos and eyes like ice is driving me away from everything I know.
Instead, my mind keeps replaying one moment in a loop like it’s the only thing it can hold onto without snapping.
THE KISS.
His mouth on mine.
His body pressed close, heat and strength and control, blocking me from the world like he was built for one purpose and one purpose only.
Protect.
And my mouth had… responded.
I swallow hard and stare out the windshield, like the road is interesting and not just an endless ribbon of asphalt I’m barely registering.
It was supposed to be cover.
That’s what he said.
Cover.
But my lips are still swollen, I think. My skin still tingles where his hand landed on my waist. My pulse keeps fluttering in weird places.
I’m twenty-three years old and I have never been kissed like that.
Not once.
Not even close.
My ex kissed like he was checking off a task.
Like he was doing me a favor.
Like my mouth existed to serve his ego.
His name is Cole, and I wish I could toss the memory of him the way Knox took control in that stairwell, no hesitation.
Cole had opinions about everything.
My clothes. Too tight, too loose, too loud, too plain.
My body. Too much. Too soft. Too… curvy, like that was a flaw instead of just the way I was made.
He said he liked curves, but only the “right” kind. The kind that looked good in the mirror. The kind that didn’t demand space.
And when he realized I wasn’t going to fall into bed just because he wanted me to, he made it my fault.
He made everything my fault.
We lasted long enough for me to feel stupid, and then I walked in on him making out with my roommate, hands everywhere, mouths everywhere, and he had the audacity to look at me like I was the problem.
“If you’d just stop being weird about sex,” he said, like loyalty was something you earned with your body.
