Quincey: We are heading out, text me when you’re home safe.
Ezzy: Thanks for coming with me tonight, I had the best time.
Ezzy: I hope your night isn’t ending yet ;)
Quincey: It’s not like that. We are just friends.
Ezzy: Are you fucking stupid? It’s entirely possible, for a multitude of reasons.
Ezzy: He makes you happy, Quincey. Happier than I’ve ever seen you. For once, just do something for you.
We walked backto my apartment in comfortable silence, Thallor’s oversized blazer–the one I needed swimming lessons to wear–was draped over my shoulders, his arm rested gently a-topthat. Other than the sounds of our own footsteps, a quiet silence hung in the air, which was a stark contrast to the thrum of my beating heart. The lingering merriment of alcohol flowed through our veins, blanketing us from the chill of the early,very early,morning. Lamp posts illuminated the sidewalk, and although I'd walked these streets many times before, this time felt like my favourite.
Every now and again, I looked up to steal a glance at Thallor, who held me close to his body. Whether he noticed or not,although how could he not, he didn’t say. Although I was still nervous about what I'd said earlier that evening, Esme was right. I should allow myself to feel happy, where I would typically allow myself to suffer in silence; I desperately needed the answer to everything I asked. Maybe we didn't want the same things, maybe he couldn't stay, but either way, I felt confident in speaking to Thallor about my feelings. Because time and time again, he'd extinguished all my anxieties with his words and his actions. Even then, he pulled me in a little closer, as if subconsciously in tune with my current thoughts.
“About what I sai?—”
“Sorry I was so?—”
We looked at each other before a reserved laugh escaped his lips. One that was short and fleeting but beautiful all the same. His laugh sounded better than my favourite song. His laugh often sounded like it had been written just for me, flooding my thoughts and pulling at my every emotion. From hope to awe to that elusive feeling of coming home, I felt it all when I was with him. And I knew I wanted it forever.
“Feelings are a very human thing,” he said quietly, stopping before a lamppost and turning to look at me. He let his arm drop from where it had been draped over my shoulders, and the cool air that crept into the space in his absence made my skin prickle. “Whilst I feel in the same way as you do, demons feelthings far more acutely, meaning I do often struggle to put those feelings into words.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, Quincey,I’msorry. I’ve been alone for longer than you know.” I wasn't sure what I saw on his face. Pain, maybe? Guilt? Remorse? A pleading as if desperate to get the words out. “And for a long time,toolong perhaps, it felt good to be alone.”
Everything, but his words were saying something else. My stomach flipped over itself and despite my strength, I felt as though my legs were going to buckle beneath me.
“But…”
Oh,but.There you are. Thatbutcaused my heart to stop completely. It kept me suspended between every emotion fighting its way through my body. The word was so small and so inconsequential, but in just one utterance, everything inside me bloomed in the feeling of hope.
“But?” I asked quietly.
Thallor put a hand to my face. I was afraid to move, afraid to breathe. “Your company is the solace to my solitude.”
I was afraid to breathe for a whole new reason. The part of his thumb moved against my cheek as I looked into his eyes. And all I saw was a longing, a yearning, both of which threatened to undo me.
“You don’t understand how much your offer means to me, Quincey,” he continued. “No one has ever, in all my time doing this, offered me that.”
“Thallor.”
He brought his other hand up so it held my waist. It didn’t tug me in closer or pull me against him. But it held firm nonetheless. “I want…” he started. “I have never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
I stared up at him. Breath caught in my throat. Heart careening against my chest. Every part of me unravelling. Hisgaze was unyielding, his eyes locked on mine, and daring me to lose control. And I wanted to. Wanted him. All of him. “Say you’ll stay. When our contract is done, sayyou’ll stay.” The words that escaped me were soft, there and then not. But he gripped onto them like a vice that would not let up.
“I can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. I don’t belong on the mortal plane.” He sighed. “The book tethers me to this world; it is the bridge between my world and yours. To stay permanently, I’d need something binding me.”
“Use me.”
“Quincey,” he rasped. I hadn’t gotten used to him using my first name, but it sounded sweet how it roved across his mouth. Reverent. Like he poured everything he wanted to say into it. “You don't know what you're saying. You look at me like I'm good. Like you forget what I am. And when you look at me like that, I forget what I am, too. I begin to picture our life together, but you deserve better. You should wantbetter.”
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. I wasn’t afraid of losing myself, not when I knew he was everything I wanted. “And what if I want you? What then?”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he muttered, more to himself than to me. “Once you bind yourself to me, there’s no going back. Contract or not. You’ll belong to me and your soul will be tethered to mine.”
“I understand enough,” I bit back. I understood what I wanted. I could see the conflict in his eyes, the clenching of his jaw, the way his gaze locked with mine with a ferocious intensity. But I knew. I had for a very long time. There was no going back,not for me anyway. This was it. He was it. I was ready to be his. “Say you’ll stay. I want this. You. Everything. My soul has been yours since the moment we met. If I am to be bound to you, then I want it to be for eternity.”
