“That’s what Maura said.” I shrugged and then looked at her. A moment later, we both burst out laughing as we worked to deal with the sheer perplexity of the situation. Whilst we had always been the three of us, there was safety in knowing that we were, at least, going through this together.
“Maybe it was a stray lacrosse ball to the head,” Esme howled as we descended into another fit of laughter. All the tension and emotions wound tight inside us, poured out in uncontrollable giggles. Every time we felt like we were coming out of it, we’d make eye contact and begin to silently shake again. When we finally caught our breath and Esme had taken a few more swigs from the almost empty bottle. She glanced over to Thallor.
“Right, enough about Isaac. I’m sure he’ll sort his shit out and we’ll be back to our old ways in a couple of weeks.”I’m not so sure, but we can hope.
“Explain this situation.” She motioned between us. Neither of us said anything. I blushed and withdrew deeper into the sofabefore chancing a glance at Thallor. I could see his body tense. I imagined that there were very few things in life that could unsettle a demon or throw of his centre of gravity–I just hadn’t imagined my best friend was one of them. His eyes darted from hers to mine, a cherry red blush creeping up his neck and cheeks.
“Okay, one of you better start talking, or I am going to start guessing. And before I say anything else, I just want you both to know that none of my assumptions can be classed assafe-for-work.”
“What do you want to know?” Thallor asked her.
“Everything, obviously. Who are you? How did you meet? Do you live here?Whydo you live here?” Esme turned to me and continued. “Why didn’t you tell me about your hot, new boyfriend? And if he’s not your boyfriend, have you at least fucked him, and if not,why the hell not?”
“We’re…friends,” Thallor said quietly. His voice was hoarse and raspy, echoing off the walls and slapping me in the face. And by the look on his, the word had had the same effect on him that it had on me. Neither of us wanted to be friends, but we knew exactly what our relationship was, the boundaries cool and hard like the bars of a cell.
“Friends that fuck?” Esme looked between us, a hint of amusement on her face. It was nice to see her smile, even if it came at my own demise.
“Esme,” I groaned.
“That doesn’t sound like a no.”
“It is a no. We are justfriends.”Please, stop asking because I can barely convince myself.“Nobody has even thought of the other in a compromising position, okay. Friends. Platonic. Two pals.”
“I think he can speak for himself, don’t you, Quincey?” Esme looked at Thallor. There was a fire behind her eyes, a fire ignited by the challenge to get to the bottom of what washappening between us. It was a look of sheer determination. There was no question. There was no confusion to be found. As much as I felt like my cheeks burned up in her presence, I wanted the answers to whatever she saw. “Let’s hear it, Red. What do you think about my best friend?”
“He doesn’t think about?—”
“If only you knew how much I think about you.” Thallor was brimming with energy, an intensity I’d never quite seen before, other than the night after my date with Jude. His face was still spattered with blotches of pinks and reds, but his eyes spoke of a certainty his cheeks could only dream of.
Esme squealed. She actually squealed as she got onto her knees and shook me enthusiastically. Her reaction only fueled Thallor’s bravado, his warm, rich, baritone laugh filling the room and reverberating through my body. It was a sound I could listen to for the rest of my life. It was a sound I wanted to bottle up and play from Maura’s little red radio. I wanted it when I was weathered and old. I wanted it in the smile lines at the corner of my mouth and the wrinkles around my eyes. I wanted it more than air in my lungs, which was terrifying.
I blinked. Once.
Twice.
Three or four more times, but I lost count after that.
“I knew it!” Esme explained, settling back into the sofa. “Tell meeverything.”
“Esme, you are prying.”
My best friend looked at me incredulously. “I’m your best friend. I have a right to pry. Especially when you,Quincey Sterling,self-proclaimed love cynic, get all flustered over a guy. Honey, you look like you’ve just spent a two-week holiday on the sun.”
“You are a thorn in my side,” I grumbled at her before looking over to Thallor for help. But the red-haired menacechuckled to himself before unabashedly shrugging.I hate you. I hate you. I hate that I don’t hate you.
“Okay, one question. Tell me one thing you like about her.” Esme asked Thallor with a renewed fervour, realising that she was not going to wear me down. Although I’m not sure she needed to, the answers were written in scarlet across my damn face.
“An impossible question to answer,” Thallor said quietly, more to himself than to either of us. His eyes felt shut for a moment, the silence palpable between the three of us. And then he opened his eyes, straightening before looking over at my best friend with a serious face. “You don’t know me very well, but up until very recently, I did not know if I was capable of certain things.”
“Like what?” Esme asked.
“Happiness.” Thallor turned his attention to me. “I didn’t think happiness was a possibility for me until I met you.”
I know deep down that I cannot have you. But that doesn’t stop me imagining it. What it would be like if things were different. If I was yours and you were mine and there weren’t worlds standing between us.
“Thallor,” the word slipped from my lips before I could stop it. It was as if a supernova erupted in my chest. Sparks of hopeful, frantic energy collided with the walls of my heart. It sucked the air from my lungs and possibly the entirety of the room, too, as Thallor just stared at me. Maybe it was there, and maybe I just wanted to see it; even though he had uttered it like a statement, there was a question behind it.You and me, Sterling,it said.How about it?
“Has she shown you any of her favourite films yet? That’s when you know you’ve got her heart,” Esme smiled at him. I knew in that moment that she would get every answer to every question she had yet to ask once Thallor opened his mouth. I could see it in the glisten in her eye and the traces of shock inhis. But these films meant more to me than anything. I’d usually watch them with Maura on a Sunday afternoon when the weather was bad and my anxiety was worse.
