“I guess you missed some big milestones in my life, so I’ll recap them for you as quickly as possible. First, I graduated from college. You weren’t there, but I wished you were…”
The tears soak the neck of my coat as I keep talking.
“I’m now doing a PhD in chemistry, and I think I’ll finish up in the next year…You won’t be there for that graduation either, but I’m really hoping you’re watching from above.”
I bite away at my quivering bottom lip, throwing my head back to stare up at the dark sky. My eyes close on their own accord as I recall all the other moments in my life that they missed. But most importantly, how I should have come back here more often to update them.
“I also had my first heartbreak—his name was Casandro, and he’s an absolute piece of shit, so we shouldn’t feel that bad.” I chuckle at that one, and in my mind, they are too. “I also overcame my fear of planes recently, thanks to this aerospace engineer. And he’s my first real love.”
I wipe the salty streams away with the back of my mittens, working through the confessions I should have sharedlong ago.
“You would have loved him too,” I say with a small smile. “His name is Nate, and he’s so funny, and so sweet, and so kind. He makes the mundane feel extraordinary, and he told me today that he loves me too, but I never said it back because he might be the reason you’re gone.”
The tears keep rolling as I recount all the things they missed and apologize for not having visited more often.But it’s in the moment of sadness that I gain the most clarity.
He may have had implications for coming up with the idea, but none of it was his fault, and holding that against him would be wrong.
My head bows down low as I try to gather myself—my thoughts. They're all swirling around like one big volcano ready to erupt. I’m on the verge of hyperventilating again when I hear a crack in the distance. It’s so weak. So small. Not loud enough to be a human when this place is so deserted in the dead of night.
I look up to find two small brown birds perched on top of each of my parents’ tombstones.
The one on my dad’s is slightly bigger than my mom’s—dad bod and all—with a streak of gray running through its head. The other bird looks smaller and so kind,exactlylike my mother.
I can’t help but think it's no coincidence.
I wave in their direction, wanting to believe it’s the two people I’ve lived the past ten years of my life without. They stand there, in silence, staring at me with so much admiration I’d like to believe they’re proud of what they see. That their only daughter is exactly who they thought she’d turn out to be.
But I know that isn’t them.They would have loved me and accepted me no matter what.
With that thought, the birds chirp. The one on my dad’s stone jumps over to my mom’s, kissing her before flying away.
My heart is full, and my mind is all over the place, but I feel at peace. They may not be with me in the physical, but their spirit lies elsewhere.
Life is short, unpredictable, and not always fair. But that’s what makes it so special. Time is never guaranteed. The people you love can leave at any moment, which is why you need to make sure they know just how important they are to you.
And I’ve got one who comes to the forefront of my mind.
CHAPTER 35
NATE
Meet me at the fountain.
That was the only thing written on the napkin slipped under my door. There’s no name. No time. No location. Just five words that speak for themselves.
The fountain where we first properly met.
The place where we first fell.
So much has changed since the last time we were here.
Back then, it seemed that everything in my life was going to shit—that I’d lost everything I ever thought I wanted. The electric plane deal. My drama-free reputation. The trust others had in me. The only thing I gained was a fake fiancée.
Now that I’m back with the things I thought I wanted, I realized I lost the one thing I didn’t know I needed.
And that’s Miss Vivienne Brown.
I’m not sure what’s going to come out of this meeting, but I do know that it could end badly if she doesn’t find it in herself to forgive me.
