“Be gone today. I'll instruct the doorman to remove your access to this building,” I said quietly.
“Please,” Phoenix begged, his voice tearing at the edges. “Don’t send me away. Not now. Not when—”
“When I finally know the truth?” I asked. “When I finally see what’s been right in front of me this whole time? When I thought I was—”
Loved?
Safe?
Home?
The words tangled painfully in my throat. When I finally spoke, it came out soft and devastating. “When I realize I was used?”
Phoenix made a sound that didn’t seem possible—a stifled, broken sob that sounded like the ground giving way beneath him.
“I’m not that person anymore,” he whispered. “Cole, please—I love you—”
The words almost knocked the breath out of me. I blinked once. Slowly. “Make sure you leave today,” I said again—quiet, steady, final. Because I could not survive hearing that he loved me while he was still holding the ashes of a lie between us.
Phoenix pressed a shaking hand over his mouth, tears spilling so fast he couldn’t wipe them away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
He backed up, step by trembling step, as if turning away from me would make something inside him break completely.
Then he fled.
The front door closed behind him with terrible gentleness.
I stood alone in the wreckage of the room—the wreckage of my life. The dragon inside me curled tight, shuddering. I could barely breathe, and I stood a moment in the wreckage of my life, then walked out without looking back.
I didn’t know where Phoenix had gone. I didn’t care. All I knew was that morning would bring an All-Star tournament…
…and I would walk into it carrying a heart that no longer felt like it belonged to me.
Chapter twenty-five
Own goal - When a team accidentally causes the puck to enter its own net, resulting in a goal for the opposing team.
Phoenix
I didn’t remember running down the stairs. Or the sidewalk. Or the street. All I knew was the cold—sharp and wet and cutting at my face—and the sound of my own breath tearing out of my chest like something animal.
Get out.
The words kept replaying in my skull, scraping me raw.
Cole’s face—hurt, stunned, betrayed—burned behind my eyes. His voice, quiet, devastated, echoed in my ears. “You let me think you chose me.”
My stomach twisted so hard I thought I might vomit right there on the pavement. I stumbled to the next block, barely aware of the traffic or the people or anything except the weight of the envelope in my hands.
The money felt like itweighed ten pounds. Like it was pulling me under. I kept walking until my legs threatened to give out. Until the cold soaked through my shirt. Until my fingers went numb.
The Avalon rose out of the snow like it always did—too bright, too polished, a place I’d only ever walked into because Ricky worked the bar. I didn’t even remember making the choice to go there; my feet just took over, pulling me block after block toward the one person I still thought I might be able to help.
The lobby lights were harsh after the dark streets, and I felt strangely exposed as I crossed the marble floor, the envelope burning hot in my pocket. I found Ricky in his usual place behind the bar, cutting fruit. He looked up the moment I approached, and his expression shifted instantly from neutral fatigue to alarm.
“Phoenix? Christ, man, you look—are you okay?”
I didn’t answer his question. If I tried, everything inside me would unravel. Instead, I pulled the envelope from my pocket and held it out because it was poison to me and this way it would do some good.
