The sounds he made, I could've fallen apart just hearing them. Little desperate gasps, and then my name, torn out of him like a confession. "Phoenix," he choked, "oh fuck, don't let go, don't leave me, please," and I felt my heart shatter and weld itself whole at the same time.
It was a miracle I was still breathing when he finally let go and we came together, bodies seizing up, muscles hard as stone. The heat inside him was unreal, like lying too close to a fire, but I didn't care—I never wanted to move. Not if it meant more of this.
He collapsed over me, arms trembling, holding me like I'd vanish if he blinked. I held on just as tight. He hadn't even caught his breath before I was kissing him, his mouth, his jaw, anywhere I could reach. He whimpered and shuddered, and I realized he was crying a little, not huge, but enough I could taste it on his skin.
I kissed it away.
"It's okay," I said. "I'm here. I'm not fucking going anywhere."
He buried his face in my neck and just shook for a while. I stroked his back, slow and steady, until the world started to make sense again.
Eventually he rolled off, to get rid of the condom, but not far. He tucked me into his side, clinging like he was freezing and only I could keep him alive. I didn't care that we were covered in sweat and come and bruises. I wanted every bit.
I waited until his breathing steadied, then brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed the inside of his wrist. "You're safe," I told him, over and over, even though the dragon was still humming under his skin, even though we both knew this wasn't over.
He didn't talk. Not for a long time. He just held me and let me hold him.
“I’m sorry.” My voice trembled, small and cracked. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong about everything.”
Cole swallowed hard, chest rising unevenly. “You were scared.”
“That doesn’t excuse—”
“It absolutely does.”
I stared at him, stunned by the gentleness in his voice.
“I treated you like you were trying to ruin me,” Cole continued, voice tightening. “Like you were my father. Like you knew exactly what you were doing and wanted to hurt me.”
I flinched.
“You didn’t hurt me because you’re cruel. You hurt me because you’re terrified. Because life has taken things from you over and over, and you believed this stranger could take something else if you didn’t obey.”
Tears burned down my cheeks. “I should’ve told you.”
His gaze dropped away from my face for a moment. “Phoenix…when I told you to leave, I was angry. But underneath it, I was scared. I’ve been used before. Controlled before. And I reacted like the frightened boy I used to be, not the man I want to be now.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my shaking hand. “I never wanted to be someone you regretted letting into your life.”
“You never have been,” Cole whispered. “Not for a single moment.” He looked back up.
My breath stuttered.
He pulled me closer. I didn’t move this time. “Look at me,” Cole said softly. I did. His eyes weren’t just almost glowing—they were full. Overflowing. “I missed you,” he whispered. “Every second today. Every minute on the ice. My dragon kept pushing against my ribs like it was trying to find you.” He let out a shaky breath. “And all I could think was how badly I wanted you there.”
A sob escaped me before I could swallow it. “I don’t deserve that,” I managed.
“You do,” Cole said. “You deserve so much more than what life has given you.”
My vision blurred. “Cole…”
He reached out again—slow, careful, asking permission with every inch of movement. This time, when his fingertips brushed mine, I didn’t pull away.
Cole exhaled shakily and gently threaded his fingers through mine. “I treated you like you had the same safety nets I did. The same choices. But you didn’t.” His voice wavered. “And instead of realizing that, I punished you for surviving.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks in hot, silent streams as I shook my head. “I was so scared to lose you.”
“You never lost me,” he whispered, voice thick. “You just scared me. And I scared you. And we both need to learn how to stop running when it hurts.”
