The nurse disappeared behind the double doors, and once they shut, I knew I could really talk.
“Mama, you helped him after I told you he was going to snitch on me, even before I shot him. Now I’m sitting in this hospital like a sitting duck, and the police will come grab me the moment he decides to open his mouth.”
“He’s not going to open his mouth, Crewshon. Listen, he didn’t know you were his child. Whatever he did before, I don’t know, but earlier as he laid on my floor, almost choking to death on his blood, he said he would never do anything to hurt his child, and I should’ve told him about you. He asked why I didn’t tell him sooner.”
She held a blank stare into the corner.
“So yes, I helped him, and I’m glad he didn’t die because you were so irrational yesterday. Crew, when did you become that person?”
“I became that person the moment I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, with no father and barely any money. That’s when”
“Money has nothing to do with the evil thing you did in front of your own mother, Crew. I never thought I’d see the day you’d do something like that. Something so cruel and so reckless like you had no sense!”
Her finger pressed into my chest, pushing me back like I was made of paper.
“Mama, you don’t understand the streets. The streets are in me. So when I hear shit like what I heard about Gio, I have to act on it. Even if you call yourself liking this nigga. He snaked me so I had to do what I had to do.”
“Well, I don’t just like him, Crew.”
“What, you love him now? Are you trying to say you love that man in there? The same man who was about to turn me in to the feds?”
“Well, he is not going to turn you in to the feds now, Crewshon. Listen. He didn’t die today for a reason. God kept him here because he wants you two to have a bond, some kind of relationship.”
“Ma, we don’t know what God wants, but I do know that I wanted to kill him, just not in your house, but he pushed me to do it.”
“You are taking zero accountability, son, and it’s so sad to see. You need help, Crew. You’re angry. You feel like the streets belong to you, and they don’t. New York is a city, not a place you can claim and decide who lives or dies in it.”
“Yeah. That’s what you think.”
She shook her head.
“Well, I tried with you. That’s all I can say.” She pressed her lips together as she did when she was defeated.
“Why are you even at the hospital now, Crewshon?”
“My baby was born last night. She’s downstairs with her mother, and I just went for a quick walk and ran into you.”
“Oh,” she reached up and rubbed the side of my face, which let me know that all hope wasn’t lost between us.
“Now you have even more of a reason to change your life for the better, Crew. Do you mind if I come down and see her after I check on your father?”
“Check on Gio,” I corrected her.
“But of course I don’t mind if you come see her mama. Tell my sisters they can come see her too. I don’t want to have to hear their mouths.”
“Okay. I will, baby.” She rubbed the side of my face again.
“But one more thing, Mama, don’t let Gio find out I’m in this hospital. I don’t want him having the cops come get me down there in front of my baby.”
“I won’t let him know you’re here, but trust me when I say this, Gio said out of his own mouth, he wasn’t going to say anything to the police. He promised me that before the ambulance got there.”
“Whatever you say, mama.” I shook my head because at the end of the day, whatever happens, happens, but I’m not harping on the shit and living in fear about Gio snitching ass. I am about to go spend time with my baby and continue shutting out the rest of the world. If you are not Pernelle or our daughter, you don’t matter right now. My full attention is going to the people that deserve it. I don't care how much Pernelle hates me right now.
Chapter 6
Cashmier
The next day
