“Just let me finish. Please. Let me get the rest of this out before I fuck up whatever’s happening between us right now.”
Orelia stayed quiet, hands still on his hips.
He took a steadying breath, and when his onyx eyes found hers, they were full of more sincerity than she’d ever seen from anyone. “You’ve had me ever since Ricaboro, Orelia. Ever since you realized it was me inside the room at The White Pony. You looked at me like I was your savior. I’ve never been anything to anyone except the last thing they see, or the thing they don’t want to see. But you were genuinely happy I was there, and I knew at that moment you had me forever.”
All this time he’d cared about her. Even hearing him say it still didn’t feel like the truth. “Ever since the Pony?” she asked.
He nodded. “And in the gambling den. . .” Vade’s eyes darkened, his hands sliding down her body, gripping her waist tight. “You don’t want to know the deliciously filthy thoughts I had of you. I tried ignoring it by pretending I was interested in the waitress, but when Fargus had his grubby hands all over you, I nearly lost it.”
He pressed his body full to hers, and her breathing hitched. “You were right in the alley. I was jealous. So insanely, absurdly jealous. I would have killed him for touching you had I not been interrupted by his cronies.”
Warmth pooled low in her belly, and she couldn’t keep her lips from his any longer. Orelia was about to kiss him when Vade pulled back.
Death’s Shadow dropped to his knees.
He gripped her hips and looked up at her with heartbreaking vulnerability. “I love you, Orelia. I love every part of you, but you don’t deserve someone like me. Not even someone halflike me. You deserve someone good, and kind, and righteous, and I am none of those things.”
She hadn’t expected him to say he loved her, but hearing his admission had her eyes welling with tears.
“I don’t expect you to say you love me back. Hells, I’d think you a fool if you did. And I know I’m an asshole, but I have tried so gods-damned hard to push you away, and still you haven’t given up on me. Still, you try to see the good in me. Still, you try and fix what’s permanently broken.” His misty eyes searched hers. “Why, Orelia? Why haven’t you given up on me?” The sadness in his voice cracked her heart.
“Because I can’t.” Her voice broke. She placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned into her touch. “There is a darkness in you I’ll never understand, but you are not without light, Vade.”
He pressed his cheek to her stomach and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing tight.
Orelia slid her hand into his hair, holding him to her. After a few seconds, she dropped to her knees and took his face in her hands. “Stop trying to push me away, because I’m not going to let you. You have provided for me, and protected me, and saved me multiple times. You deserve to let yourself be happy, Vade.”
He brushed a strand of hair back from her face. “I’m not good for you, Orelia. Please don’t do this to yourself . . .”
“I decide what’s good for me.”
He gazed at her with devastating longing. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be the manyou deserve.”
She did her best to match the longing in his eyes. “All I ask is that you try.”
Vade rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes. “Will you be patient with me? Will you teach me how to love you the right way? Because gods, I want this, but I don’t want to fuck it up. I don’t even know where to start.”
Orelia pulled back and smoothed his cheek with her thumb. “I know you’ve never given yourself to anyone, so I will be there with you, figuring this out together.”
A grateful smile shot across his face.
“And there’s only one thing you need to do,” Orelia whispered.
“Anything.”
She slid her hand to the back of his neck, pulled him down to her, and whispered onto his lips, “Just love me slowly.”
Vade gently pressed his mouth to hers, and Orelia’s entire body burst to life.
thirty-two
His kiss was everythingit hadn’t been in the halls of the Pony. Vade took his time tenderly exploring her lips, kneeling with her as their hands trailed over each other’s skin.
Vade groaned as he deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue into her mouth. He tasted divine. Orelia tangled her tongue with his, threading her fingers into his silky hair.
She moved to his lap and looped her arms around his neck.
The callous fae was nowhere to be seen as Vade looked at her with more adoration than she thought possible. “I’ve never wanted to let myself know another. But you . . .” He skimmed her jaw with a reverent finger. “You managed to work your way into my cold, black heart, and I will forever be in your debt because of it.”
