He nodded and slung the tunic across his shoulder. “Let me do this first though.” Vade knelt and began untying the straps of her sandals from around her ankles.
Orelia braced a hand on his shoulder as he lifted her leg and removed her shoe. He removed the other and rose, setting them on the counter.
“Lift your arms,” he said. “I won’t look at you.”
She did, and Vade kept his gaze fixed on the wall behind her as he carefully pulled her dress over her head. She stood in only her underwear, but he never looked at her body as he blindly felt for the neck hole of the tunic and placed it over her head, threading her arms through the short sleeves. Vade lifted her hair out from underthe neck hole and made sure to keep any strands from sticking to her wounds.
His butter soft shirt swallowed her. Fabric like this probably cost him more than she made in a month at Beron’s. Orelia wrapped her arms around herself, instantly comforted by the shirt’s warmth and the scent of forest, fire, and him.
“Thank you,” she said, sitting back down on the tub. Her feet ached from the sandals, and she didn’t think she could make it to the bed without falling over. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For not listening to you and coming back here. For delaying our travel plans. For letting this happen to me. I’m sorry I put you at risk. Again . . .”
He looked at her like she had weeds growing out of her ears. “Orelia, you have nothing to apologize for. That fucking piece of shit is the one to blame. None of it was your fault.”
The coppery tang of blood lingered on her tongue as she swallowed. “You’ve been right this whole time, Vade. The world is awful, and I’m finally seeing the truth of it now. I should have known something like this might happen. I shouldn’t have put myself in that position.”
His large hand swallowed hers. “Don’t you dare take any of this as being your fault, do you hear me? You should be able to dance and drink and have fun and not worry about a man doing this to you.”
She frowned, even though it hurt. “Why aren’t you agreeing with me? Why aren’t you telling me how foolish and stupid I was?”
“I had no right to try and force you to leave the tavern. Though now, I’m wishing I had.” He worked his jaw as he looked at her face, brows furrowing. “Your wounds still aren’t healing. Are you sure it was nightshade?”
She shrugged, staring blankly.
“Hey.” Vade crouched in front of her again. “You’re okay now. You’re safe.”
She met his eyes. “Am I?”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
Orelia let out a humorless laugh. “I have tried so hard to be positive. To be kind. To see the world for its beauty. But I finally see that those are only stolen moments of peace. You’ve been right about everything, Vade. No matter how hard you try, or how good you think you are, the world is set on tearing you down.”
“You don’t really believe that.”
She pointed at her swollen eye. “Isn’t this proof? I tried to be nice. To tell him I didn’t want to go home with him in a polite way, and this happened.”
His jaw clenched. “That’s because he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve to breathe air anymore.”
The anger of defeat rose to the surface. “I tried to help the girls at the Pony, and I was punished for it. I tried to enjoy myself with a stranger, and I almost died because of it. I try to get you to not be constantly annoyed with me, but you don’t want to spend time with me either.” She sniffled, letting the emotions of the past few weeks tear through her. “Life doesn’t reward good. People aren’t interestedin it. So I don’t know why I bother trying to get anyone to see me as something positive in their life.”
Vade put his hand on hers. “Please don’t say that.”
“Why not?” she snapped. “You wouldn’t give a shit about me if it wasn’t for the spell. You wouldn’t care what happens to me.”
He swallowed. “You’re wrong.”
She let out another insincere laugh. “I’m not. You only tolerate me, Vade. Your rejection in the alley made that quite clear.”
“Orelia . . .”
The uncontrollable urge to fall apart overwhelmed her and she began sobbing. “I wasn’t enough to make Tommen stay in Minro. I wasn’t valuable enough to Beron. I didn’t give Ivan what he wanted. I can’t fight. I can’t make smart decisions. I put us at risk all the time. I—” She choked on the words but found them again before Vade could speak. “And I know you can’t wait to be rid of me.”
He didn’t say anything, only stared at her with an expression she couldn’t pinpoint.
“Why bother trying to be good in this harsh world? I’m clearly not good enough for anyone, so I’m done trying. I’ll be more like you. Hardened. Callous. Finally smart enough to see the world for what it is. Because I’m not enough for anyone, am I?”
