Our dog yawns and rests his head on her knee. Her fingers delve into the long fur on his shoulder blades. She withdraws her hands to sign, but this time she doesn’t speak while doing it. Likesaying the words out loud is too difficult. Her movements are a little fumbled, but I’m able to piece together what she’s trying to say.
“I was hoping for some clarity, ya know? Thought if I had a break from him, I’d realize I was confusing his comfort for something else. Maybe I’d discover that my feelings toward him were simply . . . codependence.”
Her eyes soften, and she looks so fucking . . . dejected. She’s been masking her sadness with anger. I’d rather carve out my kneecaps than see her hurting like this. Fuck.
“I wanted to ignore the feelings so they would just go away.”
The dog huffs out a big sigh.
“I know, that shit never works, but I had to try,” she says aloud.
A small smile crosses my lips.
“You want to know what hurts the most?” Hearing her voice crack is like a knife in my chest.
She wipes her fingers under her eyes that I now realize are brimming with tears. “He’s fine!” She laughs.
Guilt clogs my throat.
The dog lifts his head.
“What kind of bullshit is that, anyway?” She groans. “Ignoring my feelings for him hurts more than my split with Jason did. Isn’t that fucked? And the longer we go without speaking, the harder it is.” She wipes away a tear. “Now when he’s around, he makes the job I love feel like servitude . . . I’ll never be able to truly let go when he owns my family’s shop. But breakups don’t last forever, eventually the pain fades.”
She’s not talking about her ex, she’s talking about me.
He lifts a paw to rest on her knee, and I appreciate him comforting her in a way I can’t right now. Well, I could, but I’m too selfish. I’d rather get caught up on what’s going on in her head, since she’s been keeping me in the dark.
“You know what it feels like? It’s like being locked in a room with only two exits. Behind one door is inevitable heartbreak, and behind the other is endless longing . . . and neither is an escape. So I just keep staying in the room, trapped.”
He lowers his paw to the floor, and she holds him captive again with her hands as she signs more. “I hate having a crush in adulthood. It’s way worse than when I was a teenager, because now there’s thick forearms and hot, broody demeanors. And your new dad has them both in spades. He’s not as gorgeous as you are, but he’s still . . . Damn, he’ssomething, that’s for sure.”
My chin drops to my chest and I grin in amusement. I could not be happier with her admission. We’re finally getting on the same page at the same time. The furry menace lifts his head and licks her palm.
“I’m gonna get over it,” she vows. “You’ll see.”
I roll my eyes.Like hell.
“Or I won’t, and I’ll be cursed to live out the rest of my days miserable and horny. Ugh, this is so unconstructive!” She furrows her brow. “No, not you. You’re terrific. In fact, you should look into getting your therapy license.”
Looks like ol’ Dogmeat can be an emotional support dog after all.
With her head cocked to the side, she strokes his fur. Kelly gazes at him thoughtfully. I’m about to interrupt when she speaks.
“Wanna know something crazy?” she asks. “I got a letter from my dad the other day, and he told me tofind someone who takes in the strays. Who observes beauty without taking a photograph. Who has art in their soul and fire in their veins the same way you do.” She continues, whispering, “That’s Logan . . . Hedescribed Logan.”
I glance at the ceiling and signthank youto Clyde. For being dead, the old man is doing some serious heavy lifting.He can’t take full credit, I’d already read his letter the night of her birthday while cleaning up the kitchen, but I appreciate the playbook nonetheless.Why else would I have gone through all this trouble?Clyde would have done the same thing for Nancy, so I consider that a stamp of approval.
“Do you think he’d be a good partner?” she asks.
The dog groans.Way to help, asshole.
“What? I’m serious. He’s a great friend, so probably. He dated someone years ago, I never met her, but I guess they had a bad breakup or something because he doesn’t talk about it. To be honest, I’ve never seen him with another woman . . . ever. Wait a minute . . .” Her eyes grow wide. “What if he’s?—”
All right, we’re done here.
I step into the light, interrupting that thought before she can finish it. “Come up with a name for him yet?”
His voice catches me off guard, and I yelp, pressing a hand to my heaving chest. I blink a few times, catching my breath. “What the fuck, Logan?” I shout. “You can’t just sneak up on people in an empty shop!”
