Twenty minutes.
Open the drawer.
This time, I allow my fingers to skim over the soft velvet as I pull it out and set it in front of me on my desk. Opening the box, Iinhale. I had it designed over a year ago and finally made the last payment a few months back.
On a simple gold band rests a dazzling pear-shaped diamond, with a few smaller stones clustered around it. It’s a beautiful harmony of effortless elegance and striking sophistication. I tilt the box, and the stone catches the overhead lights, ricocheting tiny sparkles across the wall. It’s a unique design that is hers alone, made to exist on her finger or not at all.
I’ll leave that up to her, give her that option, because I’m going to honor what she told me last night. I’m done making her decisions. I’m giving her agency back.
I close the box and take out my phone, sending her a text message.
When you have a minute, can I see you in the office?
Air rushes out of my lungs after I hit send; I’m really doing this. I owe it to Kelly. I glimpse at the photo of Clyde on the wall;I owe it to him too.
When she walks in, I stand, hovering my hand over the velvet box and closing it in my fist. She shuts the door behind her with a soft click while I circle the desk. Kelly stands in front of me, arms crossed. Closed off and still pissed.Valid.
I hold the box between us, and her eyes turn into saucers. She opens her mouth to speak, but I go first.
“This isn’t an apology. It’s not to make up for what I did,” I say. “It can’t undo what I’ve already done.”
She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t whisper. She hardly breathes.
“I married you without your permission,” I say, admitting what I’ve done out loud. We both deserve to hear those words said without any excuses to follow. I don’t regret marrying her, but I regret breaking her trust.
“I thought I was fixing something, but instead I broke something else. I didn’t stop to think about what I was taking from you by making that choice for you.”
She swallows. “You’re proposing?”
“I’m giving you your agency back.” I open the ring box. She blinks, and the sparkles from the ring reflect in her rich-green eyes. “Taking this ring doesn’t mean you forgive me. I want to give you the chance to choose the future I forced you into. To choose the life I plan to give you. Maybe not right now, but in some version of our future together . . . choose me back, the way I choose you. Not because I made the decision, but becauseyoudid.”
A beat of silence settles around us.
“What if I say no?” she asks.
The question hollows out my chest. I gulp down my fear, not letting myself look down at my feet to hide from her glare. “If you say no, then you say no. I’ll still be yours.”
Her gaze leaves the ring and focuses on me. Like allowing me to look into her eyes is the last favor she’ll ever grant me. She pins me with a glare. “Are you going to say it?”
I lower my chin. “Say what?”
“You know what.”
That I love her.
Yeah, I want to say it. I want to say it so fucking bad it feels like it’s going to crawl up my throat whether I like it or not. I want to fall at her feet and recite all the things I love about her even if it takes me all day.
“Not yet.”
She nods, swallowing back tears. “Why not?”
“Because it’s not fair to you. You’re allowed to still be angry,” I say. “Even if you feel the same way about me as I feel about you . . . We both know you don’t want to say those words to me today. It would be forcing your hand again, and I refuse to putyou in that position . . . And truthfully, I might be tough, Chaos, but I’m not strong enough to say those words to you and not hear them echoed back.”
It would destroy me.
This has to be on her time, not mine. I won’t do that to her twice.
“Thank you,” she replies, her voice hushed.
