“This is one of the worst neighborhoods from the Soviet-era,” Roman says. “This building used to be different. It was akommunalka. You had to share everything with everyone else. My father grew up here. His own father died in a fire inside one of these buildings. If you ask him where he’s from, he’ll lie and pretend this place doesn’t exist.”
“How did you find out he lived here?”
“He told me. I was seven at the time.” Roman snorts. “My mother went to him for help. For money to help us move. Our apartment didn’t have proper heating. She took me with her.”
Roman laughs under his breath. “Probably thought he’d be sympathetic if his kid was there. I don’t remember what he said to her, but I remember him coming to me, rubbing my hair, and saying, “If I survived growing up in a kommunalka, you can survive a cold winter.He made us leave after that.” Roman exhales slowly. “He won’t remember any of it. It meant nothing to him.”
“Roman…” I search for the right words to say.
He shakes his head. “I’m not telling you this for sympathy. I want you to understand why you’re safe.”
“What are we going to do?”
“We’re heading toward the countryside. That’ll buy me an extra day or two.” His eyes narrow, cold and focused. “Then I kill him.”
My stomach twists with nausea and fear so strong it hurts. I always knew this was coming. It’s why Roman tookme out of the basement in the first place. “I’m scared,” I whisper, my voice shaking. “I know he needs to die, but?—”
“But nothing,” Roman says, eyeing me carefully. “This was always going to happen. With or without you. I set things into motion that I can’t reverse. Things I don’t want to reverse.”
He cups my chin. “At first this was about me and needing to be the one to kill him. No one else. It’s personal and also business. I’m the only one who can lead Volchya and fix the mistakes he’s been making.”
His thumb brushes my jaw. “But now—after what I know he did to you—you’ll never be safe unless he’s dead. If I have to meet the devil himself in hell, I’ll do it smiling, as long as I drag my father down there with me.”
I can’t bear to hear him talk about dying, like it’s no big deal. I bury my face in his chest, hating Grigori more than ever.
He strokes my hair. “Don’t cry.” He lifts my chin forcing me to look at him. “I don’t plan on dying or leaving you. Okay?”
“But you’re prepared to,” I whisper. “I see it in your eyes. I understand why this has to happen, but that doesn’t make it better. It’s not fair. All those years I was locked away I didn’t think I’d ever be happy or have anything to live for. That changed after I met you and you told me you want me as much as I want you. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you. You’re the only person I want to be with.”
I bite my lips, choking with emotion. If Roman dies, there might not be a reason for me to stick around anymore. I’d be worse off than when I was in the basement, because now I know what it feels like to be in love. Loving Roman is different from how I loved all the people in my life before London. I love him more, so deeply it makes me sick to think of never seeing him again.
“I don’t think I’d want to live if you’re not here.”
“You’ll live,” he says, gripping my shoulder. “You’re going to live a fucking good life if I’m not around. I’m going to make sure of it.”
“How can I?”
“Because I say so.”
I want to argue, tell him he can’t control that, but I don’t. Pushing back would only make it harder, and I want to be strong for him.
Instead, I nod.
His lips curve into a tender smile. “Good.”
Roman closes the curtain. When night falls, we leave under the cover of darkness, taking a little over an hour to get outside Moscow. With no other cars on the road, we arrive at a small cottage Roman says belonged to an acquaintance.
After unpacking the necessities, we head outside despite the freezing cold. It’s quiet, so quiet, not even the hedgehogs might be out tonight. I don’t mind. I glance over at Roman. His jacket is open, like the cold doesn’t bother him, his posture relaxed as ever.
“Can I come back out here tomorrow?”
“Not when I’m gone. I have to go into the city. It won’t take long, but when I come back, I’m bringing someone else with me.”
“Here?” My breath stops. “To see me?”
“Pchyolka,I have to. I thought about it and I can’t be the only one who knows about you.”
“But you said?—”
