She steps closer, sliding her hands down her body,playing with her breasts and rolling her nipples between her fingers. She strokes down her flat stomach to her pussy, touching herself. I hope she’s feeling something because I’m not.
My cock is asleep and has no interest in this show. Neither do I.
Her skin is pale, not warm brown. Her hair is the right color but the wrong texture, straight and fine, not the thick curls I want to wrap my fist around. Her eyes are blue and empty, not the dark brown eyes that light up whenever I'm around, eyes that look at me with understanding and acceptance of all my demons and flaws.
She's not Nala.
I don't want to touch her.
Minutes pass. I vaguely register Polina whispering that she can suck my cock, help me get in the mood.
"No."
She moves closer anyway, reaching for my belt. "I'm very good at it. I promise you'll?—"
"I said no." My voice drips with ice, harsh enough she flinches, backing away immediately.
I rise, open up my wallet and drop a wad of cash on the nightstand.
"But we didn't?—"
I don't stay to listen. I make a quick exit out of the building and step into the cold street. Inside my car, I drop my forehead against the steering wheel. I lift it and look at myself in the mirror. What happened to me? How did I fuck myself over so badly?
I scrub a hand over my face, rubbing my temple. All I wanted was this girl to help me destroy my father and take down my enemies. That was it. Nothing more.
How and when did I lose control?
Bratva messes I can handle. Deal gone wrong, I can fix it.Too many questions being asked, I’ll take care of it. A girl I’m falling in love with… I’m so damn lost. I have no idea how to make it right. I drew a line today and set a fucking trap for myself.
Maybe I can buy her something to make up for it. I can’t buy chocolate, she has a lot in the kitchen. I tap my finger against the console, thinking.
Last year, Pasha’s wife kicked him out. The next morning, he was back in her bed thanks to a diamond and sapphire necklace. Pasha’s a smart man. I coulddo the same for Nala. We have a couple of jewelry stores all over the city. The only problem… I’d need one with no Bratva ties and outside of Moscow.
I stop myself, recognizing the obvious flaw in my plan. Nala isn't like Milana, who loves luxury and makes constant demands for expensive gifts. I can’t buy my way out of this.
When I get back to the apartment it feels empty. She's not in the living room reading or practicing her Russian. She's not waiting for me.
I'm alone in the living room for some time, trying to find the best way to approach her, when her door finally opens.
She sees me. Her entire body stiffens, our gazes lock and she quickly looks away but not before I see the redness in her eyes.
I made her cry. Mypchyolka. So damn sweet, patient and trusting even when I don’t deserve it.
She shuffles backward, ready to hide back inside her room. She stops herself, purses her lips and continues into the kitchen. I did this. I made her afraid to leave her room when I'm around.
"Hi."
She pours herself a glass of water, refusing to look at me. "Hi." Her voice is flat, so low I almost miss it.
"Was everything okay while I was gone?"
"Yes."
She turns toward her room and away from me. I despise this feeling, like a blade being jammed inside my heart. But I deserve this.
"Nala. Wait."
She freezes mid-step, her back to me, standing there like a robot waiting for a command.
