"There’s sunshine here,” he says, breaking the silence. “The summers can get warm."
"I wouldn't know."
He's quiet, looking at me with his jaw tight as if he’s trying to make up his mind or figure out what to do with me.
"Roman, forget what I said, okay?” I tell him, half pleading, wishing I’d never opened my mouth. “It was stupid. I shouldn't have asked."
"Summer won’t be here for a long time,” he continues, no trace of anger in his voice. “Sunshine’s out of it, but I’ll see what I can do about those stars.”
I gape at him. “You mean that?”
“Yeah. I mean it. I have to figure it out first, find a way to make it safe where no one will see you.”
I search his face, still in disbelief. "Why did you agree? Earlier you seemed mad at me.”
"I’m not angry. I’m agreeing to this because I’m trying not to treat you the way my father did.”
My stomach flutters again. “Does that mean you won’t ever hit me if I don’t see the right things in my readings?”
“It wouldn't make sense for me to hit you.”
“You won’t?”
“I won’t. Ever.”
The certainty in his voice makes my throat feel tight, like it’s hard to breathe. I nod, not trusting myself to talk. My fingers dig into the mattress, steadying myself, keeping me from getting up and going to him.
I wonder if he feels it too, this pull, the need to close the space between us, be as close as possible. It’s hard to tell with Roman. He’s too good at hiding his emotions.
“I have to leave,” he says. “I’ll be back in a few hours before the meeting.”
"Okay."
He leaves the room without looking back. I’m alone again, sitting on the bed, my heart racing. I reach for the section of hair I still need to braid, but my hand slips, my entire body feels jittery. I draw in a deep breath, starting over twice before I get it right.
Afterward, I slip on a bra, put the hoodie back on and go into the living room to read for a while. I can’t concentrate so I set the book aside, pulling my knees to my chest. Thoughts that I try so hard to keep at bay, run unfiltered through my mind. Reading is a distraction, but it only reminds me of the world that keeps movingeach and every day without me. The fact that I don’t fully exist in it.
I’m only eighteen yet it feels like my life is already over.I’ll never know what it’s like to be a part of a family again. I’ll always be locked away somewhere, waiting for Roman to come back. I wish so badly I could hate him for making decisions about my life, allowing me to exist on his terms. What’s worse is, I’m just as bad as he is because I understand his logic. I get why he’s keeping me for himself, Roman wouldn’t be who he is if he let me go. I accept that.
The sick truth is, if I could walk away right now, if the door was unlocked and I didn’t have to worry about Grigori finding me, I’d still want to see Roman again. I’d want to know he was okay. Hear the sound of his voice and be near him.
I press my face into my knees, eyes squeezed shut. Something has to be wrong with me.
It’s not normal to care about a man who does horrible things. I don’t know everything Roman’s done, but I know his hands are as bloody as his father’s. That it doesn’t bother me, tells me everything I need to know. Somewhere along the line, something cracked inside of me. Whether it was meant to happen or not, I don’t know.
Later that afternoon, Roman returns carrying two large shopping bags in each hand.
"I got the clothes you wanted.” He sets them on the floor.
“That’s a lot.”
“I had to guess your size.” He shrugs off his jacket, heading to his room. “Toss whatever doesn’t fit into an empty bag.”
“I’m going to try them on.”
I take the bags into the bedroom, dumping the first one on the bed. Like the chocolate, Roman bought a bunch of different styles and different sizes of clothes, some I was even too afraid to ask for. I step out of my sweatpants, trying on a mix of styles. Thankfully, most of them fit. I foldeverything neatly in the dresser, keeping on a pair of black leggings and a cream sweater.
Back in the living room, Roman is at the far end with his back facing me. His hair looks darker, damp and tousled, like he just showered. He’s wearing a black suit.
