14
Chase was talking too much. He’d gone all his life priding himself on being smart enough not to trust anyone. Not to depend on anyone. But Larke was messing it all up, turning the world he knew upside down and everything he was familiar with into chaos. Simply by being her wonderful, caring self. Talking about his childhood wasn’t something he normally did. He didn’t have friends, and if he did, he sure as hell wouldn’t have felt comfortable telling anyone about being so poor he’d had to go hunting for his own damn food.
The look on Larke’s face as he’d told her, however, made him realize she’d never considered before that a kid would have to resort to such extreme measures. Her innocence to his harsh reality was another reason for him to rethink the things he’d learned. Somehow, it no longer seemed true that being white made him or anyone else more civilized than all the other races. While Larke was living her nice life with a mother who cared about her, he was the skinny white kid out by himself hunting in the woods with a growling stomach and wearing dirty clothes.
It was all just plain wrong. So much that he didn’t want to think about it for now. In fact, Chase shoved it all together from his mind. He was with his girl and the last thing he wanted was another issue to come up between them, like earlier today because of that damn dog.
Glancing over at Larke, he noticed that she was struggling to eat the Chinese Takeout they’d ordered on the way home. She was determined to use chopsticks although it seemed her hand and the utensil refused to get along. She picked up a piece of meat and slowly tried bringing it to her opened mouth. Her brows furrowed in concentration. The beef got as far as the edge of her bottom lip before the chopsticks fell.
Chase wanted to laugh and hug Larke for being her regular self, but at the same time, he felt the urge to grab the chopsticks and order her to eat the food with the fork because they weren’t in goddamn Asia. He kept quiet. Chase got up and went to her. Crouched by her knee, he took the chopsticks and placed them between her fingers. “It’s like this, angel.” He kept his hand over hers, guiding her motion to keep the chopsticks and the food from falling.
“I feel dumb,” she said jokingly before using them on her own without any food falling.
Chase returned to his spot on the couch and chuckled. “Don’t. I only figured it out cause I ordered some noodles once and they sent chopsticks with it. I had time to kill while I was waiting to meet up with…” He caught himself and shut his mouth. Larke was making him talk too much again. Saying things she had no business knowing and would only upset and hurt her.
Not surprisingly, she laid the chopsticks on the coffee table, her eyes suddenly sad. “I was watching a documentary the other day. It was about hate groups.” His entire body grew tense. She noticed it, yet kept on talking. “I know it’s not something we’ve ever sat down and discussed, but we have to. The program was about the largest hate group in America. Of course I started thinking about you, how you mentioned going to different places. Then I got scared and worried. Angry too. That I definitely have to admit. I was upset, thinking of you going to those racist events I saw in the documentary. There were so many horrible things said and joked about. I didn’t want to think about you doing that sort of thing with your group. All I want is the truth, Chase. When you mention driving across states, does that involve going to gatherings? Do you ever make plans to harm anyone?”
The feeling of a knife slashing into him hit Chase hard. He swallowed, finding it hard to speak. “Do you think I’ve hurt anyone?”
Larke gave him a sad look that made him want to pound his fist against a wall in self- disgust. “No,” she finally whispered. “My heart told me you hadn’t, but I needed to hear it straight from you.”
“I keep to myself, Larke. You know that. But that doesn’t mean I’ll hesitate to protect myself.”
“And the gatherings?”
He couldn’t lie to her. “We don’t do anything as big as some of the other groups but all of the members get together at least once a year. We also have other local events scattered throughout the year. As for why I go away sometimes, it’s not because of any big gathering or committing crimes.”
“Then why? Please tell me.”
He shoved a hand through his hair and bounded out of the chair. She was watching him. Her eyes were huge, boring into his and pleading with him to confide in her. He should shout at her, Chase reasoned. Remind Larke that this part of his life was none of her damn business. None of the girls he’d ever messed around with would dare to ask him so many questions.
Letting out a growl of pent up frustration and knowing that in the end, he was powerless against her pleas, Chase bit out, “I meet up with people who you wouldn’t evenbeginto suspect had ties to groups like mine. I’m not gonna give any names. Don’t ask me to. But some of these guys, I can tell you, you definitely won’t sleep better at night knowing what they think about the people they’re supposed to help, serve, represent and educate. They’re our big donors. Not just AR, they give money to white supremacist groups all over the country. These are people who don’t mind handing out cash if they think it’s gonna help lead America in a certain direction. Our job is to keep that confidence alive by doubling, tripling our membership all the fucking time. Now, I hope you’re happy because that’s all I’m gonna say on this. No more questions, Larke. I mean it.” He drew in a breath, calming his nerves and lowering his voice at the frightened expression on her face. “Angel, this isnotthe type of thing I wanna discuss with you.”
She nodded and continued to stare at him, her eyes misty as if she was trying to keep from crying. “Do you think I asked because I’m nosey?”
Of course he didn’t. But he also didn’t know why she cared about where he went. “I don’t think that, but I’m confused why you even care if I leave for a couple of days at a time. I’m gonna come right back to you every single time.”
She gazed up at him, eyes still watery. “I only asked because I’d be so worried about you, wondering what you were doing. If you were safe or doing things you would regret.” She closed her eyes. “I thought it would be obvious.”
His heart pounded as he bent to press his lips to her cheek. “Not to me, it isn’t.” Things like that would never be obvious to a guy like him. The same guy who had worried for years about his mother, only to track her down and have her reject him like a sorry dog, by warning him to stay the fuck away from her because she had a new life. One that didn’t include taking care of a seventeen-year-old.
Larke rose from the couch and stroked her palm against his face. “Chase, I care about you. In my world when someone means a lot to you, that also includes worrying about them and wanting them to be safe. And I worry a whole lot.” She reached for his hand. “With caring also comes trust. I’ll trust you and you’ll trust me because I won’t ever betray you. In any way shape or form.”
She’s breaking me.
Chase’s throat felt lumpy. “I’ve gone a long time without needing anyone to trust, what makes you think I need this from you?” He closed his hand over her own, unsure if he was smiling or scowling. Larke had him so messed up inside, feeling all kinds of nervous. “Wasn’t like I planned on telling you everything about me. That just won’t happen. I might let something slip here and there but those aren’t real secrets.”Not like the horrible, shameful, ones I have. Too scared to tell you even though I trust you with my life.
Her lips widened as her finger scorched a path down his chest. “You’ll need this from me because sooner or later you’ll feel like bursting. Holding it all in isn’t good for anyone. I used to be a nurse, so you should definitely listen to me. And…if you don’t have any real secrets, Mr. Hudson, you do have a heart, mind andrealemotions. Those things feed on, absolutely thrive on connections. An intimate, compassionate, thoughtful connection. That’s what I have to offer. It’s also what I expect from you. When the time comes and you’re ready to lay your soul bare, I’ll be here to help you sort it all out.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he whispered, fighting down the gravel inside his throat. Larke was doing a number on him. Reading him so damn well. Offering everything he wanted. Despite his denial, Chase found himself holding on to her. He let go of her hand to caress her thigh.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” she insisted, her voice taking on a husky edge. “You don’t want to admit it. But you will. In time.”
“In time,” he repeated, barely able to think now. His cock became
painfully hard. “While you’re waiting on that prediction to happen, I’m here waiting on something else.”
Her eyes softened. “You are?”
