“I’m coming, you overbearing bastard,” ChaCha yelled, snickering when I winced, massaging my ears. Jesus, she was loud. “We’ll talk later,” she said to me, at a much more bearable volume. “You can tell us all about your newest friend, and why you haven’t taken him for a ride.”
I groaned. “Stop obsessing over sex.”
“Oh, look who’s talking.” Her smirk made me roll my eyes. “I care about the things you care about, Jess. We’ve been friends long enough for me to see the parts of you left behind in that cesspit. If you chose to leave them, I’ll support you all the way, but if it’s something those fuckerstookfrom you…” Like she could feel the tight pain in my chest, she squeezed me into another hug. “Let us help.”
“I can’t… stand to be touched by most people. Only you, Lynn, Thora, and—nevermind.”
“And Blondie,” ChaCha guessed.
“He has a name.”
“And it’s fucking ridiculous, so I refuse to call him it.”
I pulled back enough to raise both eyebrows at my friend. “Says the woman whose man is calledSweetie.Who herself is calledChaChawhen she doesn’t even dance.”
“Hey, I dance.” She scowled, though her brown eyes were bright.
“Yeah, badly.”
She punched me lightly, which was fine. In the tit, which was less fine.
“ChaCha!” Sweetie shouted, closer. “What’s taking so damn long?” he demanded, stalking around the corner and scanning her for injuries. We rarely came out of self defence classes with more than aching muscles, but the Alpha’s Bark had cast a shadow on all of us.
“Sorry, big guy, we were discussing what vibrators to buy for National Vibrator Day.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why am I always surprised by the words that come out of your mouth, even all these months later?”
“Because every day with me is a goddamn delight,” she said with a smile that settled deeper into her face, her eyes softer, brighter. Love looked good on her. I ignored the pang of jealousy in my chest. It wasn’t for Sweetie, but… what they had. That easy, teasing love. Effortless and eternal. I’d always craved it.
“Don’t forget,” I said, watching Sweetie’s scowl melt the closer ChaCha got to him. “Girl’s night.”
She shot me a double thumbs up. “I’ll be there.”
I shook my head as they began lovingly bickering, heading in the opposite direction. And for a reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on, I headed into the garden and to the vegetable patch where I knew Devil would be.
9
JESSIA
Iwas a liar. I knew exactly why I sought out Devil, but it was a hard thing to admit to myself. After weeks with him at my side, his support offered without price or expectation, we’d become friends. But I wanted more.
He was safety when I was afraid, comfort when I needed reassurance, companionship when I felt alone in the world. He kept close to my side as Dreamer was laid to rest, and didn’t leave me even when I ugly-sobbed at the graveside. He kept the numbness at bay. I’d woken up in his bed three times, and nothing had happened except sleep each time, but it took real effort to keep from reaching for him, curling into his warmth, and kissing the strong line of his jaw.
ChaCha was right that those monsters stole something from me, but I recovered bits of myself with every week, rediscovered things I’d loved through lulls in the numbness—humming music to myself as I made breakfast, getting the perfect smoky eye makeup down, shopping for new clothes online. I still hadn’tpurred, and I didn’t think I ever would, but I was better. And I was ready.
“Hi,” I said, smiling when Devil scowled at the big leafy plant he’d been trying to extract. “Picking fights with plants again?”
“Picking fights withvegetablesagain. This carrot refuses to come out despitemultiplewarnings.” He glanced up and his gaze softened, the way it always seemed to when he saw me. A flutter went through my belly. “You look in high spirits.”
I shrugged. “I had a good lesson. I didn’t freak out or run once.”
“I bet you kicked ass,” he replied with a grin, dusting the dirt from his hands. “You’ll be able to knock me out soon.”
I didn’t know if it was the victorious feeling from the class or just seeing Devil, feeling the glittery giddiness moving through me, but something made me smirk. “I could knock you out right now.”
“Oh, yeah?” He prowled closer, drawing my attention to the fit of his grey T-shirt. It clung to his chest, to his biceps, and it was impossible not to notice everything underneath. “Prove it. If you think you can knock me on my ass, go for it. I only ask one thing.”
“What?”
