“No. I’m just ... I don’t know. I’m freaking out a little. I know we haven’t really talked much lately, but work’s been such a nightmare. I actually think I want to quit,” she said, her voice sounding small and strained.
I leaned back in my chair and stared down Park Avenue, wishing I hadn’t picked up the phone. I’d experienced a few of Emilie’s panic attacks in law school, and they were usually short-lived.
“I can’t really leave right now. I have two feet of documents to get through. What happened?”
“There’s a Sweetgreen three blocks from your office.”
“You’re not really thinking about quitting, are you?” I said distractedly, organizing documents to send to the copy center to be scanned. “Does your dad know?”
I’d only met Emilie’s dad once, but I knew he was usually the source of her anxiety. He would be apoplectic if she quit her job after just a few months.
Emilie breathed heavily into the phone. “There’s just constantly another emergency coming down the pipe. I can’t deal with the nonstop panic. I’ve been having the ‘Sunday scaries,’ or whatever it’s called, ever since I started. I thought about going back on my anxiety meds, but they make me feel foggy, and I can’t write when I take them. This morning, I freaked out and told the partner I needed a mental-health holiday. And I’ve only been there a month. I know they’re going to sack me if I don’t buck up.”
“Is that a thing? A mental-health holiday?”
“Probably not. But if I don’t figure it out, I’ll snap. I feel like I have the makeup of a tiny little bird, and the wind might just blow me out to sea if I’m not careful.”
“Remember that time you freaked out right before our Torts final? You took one Ativan and were fine. Try taking, like, half.”
She was quiet, and I stared impatiently at the stack of documents I still had to get through.
“I know you, and Iknowyou’re killing it. Even if you don’tfeellike it. Just take some deep breaths and maybe a walk around the block.”
“I wanted my friend to meet me for a salad,” she snipped.
“I know. I’m just in the middle of something timely. Can we talk more this weekend?”
“My dad will kill me if I quit,” she said, her voice quiet again.
“So don’t tell him anything yet. Just do what you have to do to get through it.”
I looked down at my phone to remind myself what day it was. “Hey. Let’s go out tomorrow night. Caroline booked a table for eight people at this restaurant on Bond Street, and she only has five others confirmed so far. Let’s take the last two spots. Her friends are always a good time.”
Emilie scoffed. “Meaning she just makes a big reservation and assumes people don’t have plans?”
“People like us?”
“Ha. Okay, fine. I can’t remember the last time I had Saturday night plans.”
Charlie and I worked in comfortable silence the rest of the afternoon. I started drafting a proposed settlement memo for Leo, explaining how we could use the FOIA evidence to allege fraud, the only claim that might intimidate the other side into settling.
At seven o’clock, I slid my laptop and charger into my Longchamp. Charlie was playing poker on his phone with Bob Dylan blasting from his earbuds.
“Is this what you do all day when I’m not here? Send me desperate text messages and play poker?”
Charlie smirked. “Work is weirdly slow today. Want to grab sushi?”
We hadn’t spent time together outside of the office since my birthday weekend. I was worried things would change after my big confession about what had happened with Ben. I didn’t want him to see me differently.
“I could. But can we go somewhere besides Hatsuhana? I don’t want to run into anyone from the office. I’ll feel like I should be working late.”
Charlie raised his eyebrows up and down. “You do know it’s Friday, right? But challenge accepted. I know the perfect place. We can go out the sketchy Lexington side to this basement sushi bar on Forty-Third Street.”
“Sounds appealing,” I said.
“You’ll love it. Dollar sake bombs. No way any partners know about it.”
Charlie was right—there was no way anyone from the firm knew about this sushi bar. It was two flights below street level with zero atmosphere. We settled into a corner table and ordered Sapporos and sake.
