Back tomorrow. Hope you didn’t give my desk away.
I landed in New York late the next afternoon. My apartment was a disaster, so I invited Caroline over to drink wine while I got my life together. It took one glass for me to confess my crush.
“I’ve never met anyone like him,” I said as we sat on the floor, a bottle of sauvignon blanc in between us. “He’s apartner. And he’s married. It’s impossible.”
“When was the last time you had a crush on someone?”
I aimed the wine cork at the wastebasket and missed. “Probably the bartender poet from Vin Rouge.”
“I think it makes sense. You’re just not a typical thirtysomething. You were a housewife while the rest of us messed around in our twenties. So realistically, you may not be into guys your own age, because they’re all immature assholes.”
“So that explains why I’m attracted to Leo?”
“I don’t know anything about Leo beyond what you’ve just told me, but my guess is that you’re into him because he’s mature and impressive. And he has life experience. That’s attractive.”
I sighed. “He lives in this world full of brilliant and successful people, but he made me feel like I was the interesting one. It was intoxicating. Especially when part of me still feels like the housewife making turkey sandwiches for Ben to take to work,” I said pathetically.
Caroline made a face. “Okay, you’re the only one to blame for doing that. That’s not a married person thing, that’s ayouthing. Do me a favor and never make anyone’s lunch ever again.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” I said, instinctually unlocking my phone to check my emails.
“But you’re not actually considering it, are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Crossing a line with a married partner. It’s a little counterproductive to the cause, don’t you think?”
“What ‘cause’?”
She gave me a hard look. “Do I really have to spell it out? You’re a first-year associate who wants a future there. I’m sure it’s obvious how much you want to work with him. Crossing a line is only going to end up makingyoulook bad. No one ever called a man a home-wrecker.”
The word landed like a brick.
Caroline reached for the bag of pretzels on the counter.
“All I’m saying is it’s a waste of all the progress we’ve made in the last few years. You’re accepting the attention of a powerful man, and somehow your brain isn’t sending you predatory signals.”
I ironed the crease in my jeans with my hand. “That’s a lot to unpack. What ifI’mattracted tohim? You’re basically saying that I de facto lose all agency—and he’s automatically a predator—just because we work together.”
“I just think you’re not thinking this through. It’s the quickest way to lose the confidence of all the other people in power. Especially women. I’ve seen it happen before. Even being seen asencouraginga flirtation with a married partner is the fastest way to make enemies.”
“It just felt ... nice. We both shared personal things. It was weirdly comfortable talking about my past with him.”
“In my experience, this kind of thing never ends well. If I were you, I’d keep things on a professional level. And don’t drink too much around him. That’s where lines always get crossed.”
I put my face in my hands. “That’s another thing. I’ve never drunk so much in my life. I’m starting to worry about long-term health effects. I read an article on the number of drinks per week that qualifies as alcoholism, and I think I’m there,” I said despairingly.
Caroline shook her head. “I’ve been in finance since I was twenty-one. It’s the same kind of drinking culture as lawyers, plus recreational drugs. I never understood the appeal, but I’ve seen the best and worst of it for over a decade, and the key is learning to be fun and social without blacking out.”
“Not helpful health advice. You’re basically just telling me to get better at being an alcoholic.”
She looked at her watch and finished her wine. “I should go. I have a 5:30 spin class.”
“Roll those spin class dice.”
She blew me a kiss. “Think about what I said. You’re better than that.”
I woke up the next morning to Andie’s first three chapters. Her voice on the page was crisp, clear, and funny. Even though I already knew her story backward and forward, I quickly became absorbed in the material and barely noticed the time.
