I usually hated feeling like divorce made me interesting, but something about the way Leo said it made me feel wiser and more mature.
Besides Charlie, I hadn’t talked to anyone in my “new” life about Ben and was still trying on ways that made me feel like I was in control of the narrative.
“I was very young,” I said slowly. “And he was a great guy. But we didn’t grow in the same direction.” I cleared my throat. “You know, things I should’ve thought about before walking down the aisle at twenty-two.”
He looked surprised, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. Had I overshared? Was I putting myself at risk of being taken less seriously? I couldn’t imagine someone like him relating to the choices I’d made. There probably weren’t any other thirty-year-old divorcées in his orbit.
Leo studied me carefully without saying anything. He picked up his wine glass and set it back down without taking a sip.
“It’s crazy to admit, but I almost got married in my early twenties too. I was even engaged. No one told me ‘all the things’ either, but I don’t think it would have mattered. Maybe we would have eventually evolved in different directions, but I never got the chance to find out.”
“Did she call it off?” I asked.
“She was killed in a car accident the summer after we graduated from college. Two months before our wedding.”
I felt the wine slow my ability to react. It was a devastating thing to share. It almost felt too personal to know.
“Oh my gosh ... Leo. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t have been so flippant about marriage,” I said lamely. The look on Ben’s face when I left for LA flashed in my mind.
He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. It was a long time ago. Life goes on, and mine has been good. It took me a long time to find someone who measured up to Anna. But the fact that I had very few personal distractions allowed me to focus on my career, and now I’m forty-four, and my parents are finally happy I didn’t go into politics,” he said with an ironic smile.
I was having trouble finding words that didn’t sound like I was trying to be overly sincere.
“I guess what I’m saying is that it worked out. I didn’t have another relationship until I met Jess in my mid-thirties. I learned quickly that this job takes everything we have to give. I’m sure leaving was a difficult decision, but I promise you, it’s easier being on your own. You’re building something. It takes intense focus to do it right.”
He smiled. “And, selfishly, I’m glad you made the decision that you did. The firm is lucky to have you.” He looked at his watch. “Jessica’s been tied up with a monthlong trial in Santa Barbara. I should get home before she goes to bed.”
“I should get some sleep too. It’s about one a.m. for me right now,” I said.
“Burning it at both ends is a good thing. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
I felt validated. I loved Connor and Caroline, but neither of them seemed to understand that now wasn’t the time to figure out my personal life.
Ten minutes later, I rolled down the window of my Uber to take in the warm California air as my phone pinged with a text from Leo.
Thanks for a fun night. Client gallery opening tomorrow night on Melrose—if you’re still in town, join me?
I responded I’d love to join.
Chapter Twenty
Eddie and I sat in silence on opposite ends of a conference room as I typed up notes and he answered emails. I wondered if he’d gotten back to Andie yet about the book. His phone buzzed, and he sent it to voicemail.
“Samantha, there’s only one way Andie can write a book and not compromise herself, and that’s if we stay involved in the process. I don’t mean that we should write itforher, but she would need to show us drafts as she’s writing so we can determine if the material will be problematic.”
He tapped his fingers on the table as he thought about what he wanted to do. “You’ve read all the documents and emails firsthand, so you know the facts we’re presenting to the government even better than I do. If there’s anything that contradicts the information we’ve disclosed to the government, we have an obligation to let them know.”
“Do you want me to review the material as she writes it?”
He nodded. “It’s the only way this can work. The issue is you won’t be able to bill your time doing it, and there’s no way this won’t become a time suck. If you want to take it on, I can ask the firm to let you bill half the time on a pro bono basis, but even if they say yes, it’s a lot of pressure for you.”
I tried to mentally calculate how it would work. Even if the firm wouldn’t let me bill any of the time, I knew I couldn’t say no.
“I’d be happy to do it. I can have her send me chapters as she writes them, then flag any possible issues for you to look over. Would that work?”
“I think so. Let’s see if Andie’s okay with it. But I don’t think she’ll take no for an answer, and this is the only option I can think of to make sure everything is aboveboard. Let’s try her now.”
I dialed her on speaker. Eddie made sure she knew he still thought it was a bad idea, but he understood that she needed to get back on her feet, and if she was willing to do it our way, she could take the book deal.
