He gave a sympathetic smile. “Well, whatever’s going on, I promise I’m not here to make you feel worse. I’m buying a car, and your name’s still on the title for the old one. I just need you to notarize the bill of sale so I can trade it in.”
The idea of Ben FaceTiming for such a mundane reason almost made me laugh.
“Sure. Just email me whatever you need ... I can print it and scan the signed copy back to you,” I said, wiping my nose and wishing I kept a box of tissues in the office.
“Cool, thanks.” He hesitated. “Seriously, though—are you okay?”
I ducked. “What kind of car are you trading the Honda in for?”
“Mercedes. Convertible.”
“Oh, wow. Trading up.”
“Well, I soldBaby Divorcefor six figures.”
“You’re joking.”
“Yes, I’m joking.”
“Not that there isn’t a market for it,” I added.
“I’m sure there is. But it won’t be me writing it. I burned all the chapters. My therapist’s two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar advice.”
“That sounds . . . cathartic.”
“It was. Although I did it on the balcony of my apartment, and my neighbor called the fire department, which was awkward. And I got a pretty hefty fine.”
“Shit. That sucks. I guess I should feel partially responsible.”
“Nah, it’s okay. Turns out my neighbor is a cute girl who’s also going through a divorce. And we’re kind of dating now. So not the worst outcome.”
“Oh, wow.”
Was I lucid dreaming?
“Are you really seeing a therapist?” I asked.
He nodded. “And I know what you’re gonna say.”
“You never believed in therapy.”
“I didn’t used to. Then my wife left me and stomped on my heart. Twice.”
I never realized how impossible it isnotto make eye contact on FaceTime.
“I deserve that.”
He paused, looking deep in thought. “Honestly Sam, before I saw you in New York last year, I would’ve done anything to get you back. I couldn’t understand why you left. It didn’t feel real. Maybe my head was up my ass the whole time, but I just didn’t see it coming.”
“And then I saw you in New York, and you were so confident ... You’d blossomed right into that woman sitting across from me at that restaurant. And even though I really wanted to go home with you that night, I finally started to get why you left. New York, and this career you went after—it all looked good on you. But it also hurt because I finally realized you were never coming back. And it was like losing you all over again.”
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Maybe this new lifelookedgood on me, but I didn’t know if I’d ever feel like I really deserved it.
“I never wanted to hurt you. And this new life might look like it fits ... but I don’t think I know how to be happy. Or if I even deserve happiness after everything I put you through.”
He shook his head. “It still fucking hurts. Especially after that night in New York. I needed space. But I’m trying to be happy.”
I stared down at Park Avenue. “I didn’t deserve you.”
