I dropped the phone and scrambled to get dressed. I’d never looked worse. My eyes were puffy, and mascara had reached my chin.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I moved at superhuman speed, walking into an empty conference room ten minutes later.
In the rush to make Elinor’s deadline, I hadn’t read Leo’s message.
You get back OK? We were both pretty fucked up, huh?
I squinted as I tried to interpret the text. Was he givingmea pass, or himself?
Elinor walked in with an indecipherable expression. She sat down and silently set up her laptop and her notepad, arranging a pen neatly at the top of the pad. She was terrifying.
“Did you go back to Leo Hirschman’s room last night?”
The blood drained from my face. “It’s not what you think,” I said, my heart pounding so loudly I was sure she could hear it.
Her eyes narrowed. “No? Because it looked exactly like what I thought.”
“Nothing happened. I made the right choice.”
She gave me an unsympathetic smile. “The rightchoice, Sam, would have been not to oversleep. I’ve been trying to reach you since eight a.m. You were made aware from the beginning that I needed to be able to reach youat all times. Retreat or no retreat.” She paused to read something on her laptop. “I don’t think you need me to tell you that going back to a partner’s hotel room is not a good look.”
“I know,” I said faintly.
“You should probably think long and hard about the damage you’ve just done to yourself here. And you should also know that I’m considering making a report to the management committee.”
A thousand tiny beads of sweat covered my face.
She pushed her chair back abruptly and folded her laptop. “I need the Wylie memo by three p.m. If you can’t make that deadline, don’t bother showing up to the office when we get back.”
I took a deep breath and dropped my head on the table. I wanted to take a cold shower and grind 800 mg of Advil into a gallon of coconut water.
I wanted to find Charlie and explain everything.
I made the deadline for the Wylie memo, but my nerves were shot. I felt ashamed and regretful, angry at Leo for kissing me, angry at myself for letting it happen, for drinking too much, for being spineless and too weak to go after what I really wanted.
I kept seeing Charlie’s face when I got into the elevator with Leo.
I needed to explain.
Can we talk? It’s not what you think.
I moved miserably through the mandatory retreat sessions, willing Charlie to text me back. My phone was silent. No one texted or called for the rest of the day.
I landed at JFK Monday morning and went straight to the office. Charlie never responded.
Elinor assigned us two major sections of the report on an impossible deadline. I needed total focus and concentration, and I was incapable of either. I couldn’t get back on autopilot.
I stopped at Hale & Hearty for a cup of soup when Andie called.
“Hey, busy lady. Are you as excited as me for Thursday? Do you know what you’re wearing yet? Don’t forget you have a plus-one.”
All I could hear was LA traffic. “Thursday?”
“Okay, I guess you’re not as excited as me for thebook launch.”
“Shit. I’m sorry ... This investigation has taken over my life, and I’m not being hyperbolic. I barely even sleep.”
