Chapter One
I’d never been inside a courthouse—not during three years of law school, not until that day. At first, I barely gave it a second thought. With two weeks until the bar exam, I was surviving on turkey sandwiches and Red Bull, studying twelve hours a day. I didn’t bother with makeup or even a second glance in the mirror. This was nothing more than a quick errand.
The clerk finalized everything in under a minute, handing me the papers Ben and I would need to sign. I stepped back into the July heat, my mind already back to studying. And then I saw it:Samantha DeFiore, Plaintiff, v. Benjamin Walker, Defendant.
I got in my car, rolled down the window, and breathed out hot, humid air.
The voice in my head repeated,You can’t send that to him. You can’t send that to him.
I couldn’t read that word again.
Defendant.
I spun the AC to full blast and bent forward, taking shallow breaths. I needed to get my shit together.
I got out of the car and walked unsteadily across the street to Vin Rouge, a wine bar I knew well from late nights at Georgetown Law but somehow never realized was next to the courthouse.
The ambience was different in the afternoon. It was barely three o’clock, and I was the only patron.
I ordered a bottle of rosé on special, maniacally flipping through last week’s issue ofThe Hollywood Reporter, waiting for the numbness I was chasing to kick in. Wishing the wine weren’t so sweet.
At some point, I noticed the bottle was less than a glass away from empty, and my buzz weakened.
The wordsI choose youechoed in my head, the inscription on the white gold wedding band I’d custom-ordered from his parents’ jeweler. I had meant every word of it. There was a time when I had chosen Ben.
I felt my face flush as I noticed Matt, the bartender, drying chalice-size glasses behind the bar.
It had been a month since I’d come in for a late-night “study break” and closed down the bar listening to him talk about twentieth-century American poetry and telling him all about the bright future waiting for me in New York.
I’ve finally lost the thread,I thought.Divorcing my husband, drunk at four o’clock when I should be studying for the only exam that could make or break my career.
I didn’t know how other twenty-nine-year-olds handled getting divorced, but this no longer felt graceful.
“Hey there. What’re we drinking?”
I turned the label of the bottle to face him. He squinted. “White zinfandel?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah. The new guy upsold me ... or downsold, I guess. Said it was his favorite rosé. Half price.”
He nodded, feigning approval. “Looks like you’ve been here for a little bit. You got the pre–happy hour, happy hour special.” He winked. “Want me to switch it out? Something French? I’ll do it for the same price. Just for you.”
Just for you.
I let the words float in the air for a moment, then shook my head. I hadn’t earned this kindness.
“No, it’s okay. I chose it. Sometimes a girl has to stick it out.”
I immediately wished I didn’t sound so cynical.
It had been a year since I’d told Ben I didn’t want to spend my life with him anymore. It was the hardest decision I’d ever made, and it took years to make it.
When I finally knew it was the right choice, the internal script I wrote for myself felt airtight: I’d married too young, before I understood how much life waited on the other side of that choice—a life that didn’t match the one Ben wanted. Staying would only end up hurting him more. He’d be happy again. All of this would fade to a slight blemish in his otherwise beautiful life. He’d find someone else, and our starter marriage would be an accessory detail inherlove story. I imagined her gushing to her girlfriends,He was married once in his twenties, but it didn’t work out.They wouldn’t believe someone could have left him, the perfect man. And for her, he would be. Just like he had once been for me.
I watched Matt uncork a bottle that was a lighter shade of pink. He poured a sip into a new glass, resting it gingerly in front of me.
“Come on, Sam. No one should be forced to drink wine they don’t like.”
I smiled. “My brewing hangover thanks you.”
