Just then, Manny pulls into the driveway and runs up to the house. Layla stands there with her arms crossed over her chest in a confrontational stance similar to the one I mimic.
I place my hand over my head. “Fuck, he has a type.” Of course he does. He looks at me, trying to figure out what I’m saying. The confusion on his face makes me think he doesn’t know either.
She raises her hand up. “Finally. Manny, I came to see my daughter, and she—” She doesn’t finish that sentence as Manny approaches me, cradling my head in his hands.
“What happened, mi amor?” He looks into my eyes, and I close them. I can’t even look at him or fathom how fucked up this situation truly is.
I hear a loud gasp and sobs coming from behind him, to see Layla losing it. “Manny, please, no.” She sobs louder, and I stop whatever I was feeling to look at this woman. “Why,” she begins, “of all the women in the world, did you fall in love with my sister?” Manny whips his head around and looks at her wide-eyed and panicked, confirming my suspicions. He didn’t know. Why does that make me feel slightly relieved? I don’t know, but it sure as hell does.
He turns back to me as if seeing me for the first time, searching my eyes and looking over my mouth as he runs his hands over his face. “Fuck!” He shuts his eyes, and when he opens them, I see so much sadness. He pulls me to him. “Nadia, baby.” He holds onto me like I am something precious he is afraid will disappear in a moment if he lets go, and he may be right. He forces my chin upward. “Look at me.” His low voice slowly tries to calm my fight-or-flight response. Everything in my mind tells me to run, but as my eyes find his, I want to stay and fight for him. For us. “Baby, I swear I didn’t know,” he pleads. I believe him, but I just can’t be here anymore.
He turns quickly, enraged, facing his ex-wife. “Catalina isn’t here,” he tells her. “You can’t show up here unannounced anymore. You have supervised visitation, Layla, and today isn’t one of those days.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t even know when you were getting out.”
She looks at Manny, and something like remorse shows in her expression. “I know. I just got out of rehab, and I wanted to come by. You’re right, I should have called.” I stiffen in Manny’s arms, and he holds me tight. She watches us and shakes her head, looking at us together, before speaking. “You know, I tried to talk to him several times and he refused to see me.” I know who she’s talking about, but I don’t want to listen, but I can’t stop either. Something in me wants to know the truth. Maybe it’s because I haven’t learned any of it; this is the only person who can give it to me, and I don’t know whether to believe her, but I stay there, unmoving in Manny’s arms.
“When I discovered he was my father, I got his address and sent him letters. I assumed he got them because he never sent them back, but he also never replied to them. I sent him school pictures of me yearly, hoping he would send me one of himself. One day, I even saw him at the movies, where I used to sneak in. One of the teenagers who worked there let me in every weekend, and I would stay there watching all the movies. You were there with your mom, too, and I watched you, wondering what it would be like to go with you. But when he saw me there, he pretended not to know me, and I knew. I knew he chose not to respond to my letters, and my Christmas gift didn’t get lost in the mail or sent to another house, but I didn’t get one because he didn’t even want to know me.”
I listen to her story and almost cry, thinking of the little girl who was crushed by someone who was supposed to love her, but instead made her feel unworthy. In turn, she did the same things to Catalina, except Manny was there, and he made her life so much better. “It was an accident. I’m?—”
“Leave Layla,” Manny says, his stare hard and jaw clenched. “It’s not just about you. This is my home. Nadia also lost both of her parents because of what you did. You were hurt, sure, but you need to stop.” He shakes his head. “Can you, for once,stop being so selfish?” If the look on her face is any indication, she looks verbally slapped. She nods once and walks off. Her shoulders slumped over. Before she opens her car door, she gives me one last look.
“For what it’s worth, Nadia, I’m sorry.” With that, she gets into her car and drives off. I fall to the ground, but Manny catches me, lifting me into his arms and taking me inside. He pulls me into his lap on the couch.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I had no idea. I love you. Please stay with me. I can’t lose you.”
I lift myself off his lap and stand looking at him. He reluctantly lets me go, hanging his head in his hands. “I just don’t know if I can do it. The cruelest truths keep surfacing, Manny. The wave of emotions I feel upon learning all these things is breaking me apart. I’m battered and broken, trying to piece my life back together, and just when I thought I had found it—” I trail off, trying to explain how I thought of them as my new family, but I don’t need to explain because he knows.
“You are my family, mi amor. You and Catalina.” When I don’t look up at him, he stands from the couch, pacing back and forth. Manny walks toward me and takes my hand in his. “I’ve given you all my truths, baby. Tell me. What cruelest truths, mi amor? Make me understand,” he pleads. The desperation in his voice is hard to accept.
I shake my head. Anger rises in my voice as I lose control of my emotions. “Oh, let’s see. How about finding out that my parents’ marriage was a lie? My dad cheated on my mom with Layla’s mother. That’s why they were distracted that night. The fighting—” I laugh, but I almost don’t register that it is coming from me. The cruelty in it as I try to slice him with the pain I feel. “It all makes sense now. My parents leaving me behind. All alone without having the chance to explain. How could love be so cruel, Manny?” I look at him as tears are rolling down his cheeks, much like mine. I step back. “But the cruelest truth?” I run my hand over my mouth to wipe the tears pooling there. “The cruelest truth is finding the love of my life and falling in love with his daughter, just to find out that your ex-wife, her mother,” I break down at the next words, “was the one who killed my parents because she was sofucking selfish, or worse, broken.”
I grab my purse and walk to the door. He stands trying to prevent me from leaving, to see reason. I put my hand out to stop him. “No!” I open the door, looking back at the man who, only a few hours ago, was my future, making the sweetest plans that will never come to pass. So I muster up enough energy to let him know. “And yet the cruelest truth of them all is learning that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t enough.” I slam the door and jog down the steps, throwing my bag and purse into the car, taking the last of my heart and leaving it there on his doorstep with everything I had left to give.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Ihadn’t expected that when Nadia opened the drawer to my desk, she would find the picture of my ex-wife. I also didn’t think it would matter if she did. Little did I know that my past and my future would collide. How did I not see it? The similarities. The day the girl at the ice cream counter commented on how much my daughter looked like Nadia. She never talked about how her parents died, just that it was an accident. The picture that Layla and Nadia portrayed of their father is entirely different. One was a devoted father, and the other absent, and worse, he refused to acknowledge his other daughter.
I saw Layla struggle through our marriage, but I never once thought that she would lose her shit and stalk the guy. The older man that I believed she was having an affairwith turned out to be her father. I was such a fool. The resentment I carried around for her emotional distance, especially toward Catalina, had festered so long that I was blinded by it. I was sick and tired of her self-absorbed attitude. And instead of breaking the cycle, she became everything she hated about her absent father and her mother’s cold indifference. That’s more fucked up than anything I could have ever predicted. Layla will always be Catalina’s mother, and she’ll be in her life as much as Catalina wants her to be. Though Nadia was starting to become a permanent fixture, I’m not so sure that’s still an option. How do you reconcile loving someone who, just by existing, reminds you of everything you are trying to escape?
I watched Nadia leave, and I know that she isn’t coming back. An hour later, Amá comes over with Catalina, and she knows something is wrong from the look on my face. I don’t dare mention anything in front of my daughter, and when she asks where Nadia is, I can’t even talk about it. I manage to get out a “She had to leave,” and when she asked when she was going to come back, I almost broke down right there. Amá took that as a cue to take Catalina to her room and set her up with her new LEGO set. When she came out of her room, she approached me and hugged me tightly. I suppress the tears that threaten to fall, catching her up to date on what happened before she got here.
“Ay, mijo. I am so sorry.” She sits there with a cup of coffee, watching for signs of my imminent breakdown, and I am almost there. “I’ve never seen you this worked up, even after your divorce.” She takes a sip of her coffee, studying my features. “You really love this girl?” Her eyes soften when she sees the answer written all over my face.
“I do, Amá. She’s the one. I was attracted to Layla, but I never had that connection to her. With Nadia, I do. I hate that the only woman I finally fall in love with is Layla’s sister.” I am ashamed, especially when Nadia said I had a type. I don’t know if she realized she said that aloud, but I heard it loud and clear. I didn’t fall in love with the better version of her sister. I fell in love with someone who shared a similar pain to the one I felt. A woman who saw past my assholeness and took a chance on loving me, breaking down my barriers about no relationships, and then loving my daughterdespite how I made her feel sometimes. When I chose to accept us and let her into my life, it was beautiful for the short time it lasted, and I wish I could have that back just for a day. “What do I do?” I ask desperately.
She looks at me like I’m an idiot. “Pfft. No seas estúpido,” she says. She shakes her head, like she can’t believe I’d be so stupid. “You fight for her, mijo. You find her and make her see how much you love her. Whatever it takes.”
I stand with conviction and a sense of determination anew. “Amá, can you—” She cuts me off mid-sentence.
“Si, mijo. Ándale.” She shoos me away with her hand. “I’ll stay here until you don’t need me. Go get her. Don’t worry about Catalina.”
I nod. Running out the door. I jump into the truck and start pulling out, but I forget that I don’t know where she went. I remember we had each other on Life 360 when she was watching Catalina, so I pull up the app and see her at the town center. I drive with purpose and later pull into the spot near her car. I close the truck door, scanning the area for where she could be. That’s when I notice her sitting on the park bench, once again looking so sad and lost. My heart shatters even more. I hate how this happened, and I wish I could have told her about Layla, but I don’t know if it would have ended any other way than us breaking apart. Why does life have to be so unfair?
Walking toward her, I hear a screech of tires and then a loud crash. A woman screams, and a crowd gathers on the street, where a mother holds onto her little boy, crying, touching his face, and kissing him. Nadia spots me and runs over to me as we investigate the commotion. My knees almost buckle at the sight of Layla spread out on the pavement under a pool of blood. Nadia gasps and holds onto my arm for support. I don’t know if it is for her or me, but we cling to each other like each other's lifeline.
Sirens approach. I run over to her with Nadia on my heels. I crouch down to see her eyes flutter. She’s still alive. “Layla!” I scream. “It’s going to be okay. The ambulance is almost here. Just hang on, please. Let’s get you to the hospital. It will all be okay.” The paramedics arrive and push everyone out of the way, including us.
“What happened?” I hear the paramedics ask the crowd.
