“Oh, my God, you have had quite the little adventure over here, while I was working my ass off for near to nothing.” She huffs. “Okay, now tell me more. Does he like you? Are there feelings?” Her eyes light up, and mine do, too, when I tell her about the meat innuendo and how he had to adjust himself as he walked out the door.
“Honestly, Savannah, I feel like the sexual tension between us is at an all-time high, but I think that both of us are afraid to act on it for fear of things ending poorly. I mean I am leaving in less than a couple of months and he is a single dad, recently divorced with a shit ton of baggage from his ex.” I take a sip of my drink. Savannah seems to think about it for a little while, and as if having a breakthrough moment, she snaps her fingers.
“Got it,” she remarks coolly, flicking her hair back over her shoulder. “Why don’t you fuck his brains out before you leave, that way, it can’t get weird because you won’t be Catalina’s nanny anymore, so there is not a chance of it ending poorly at that point?” She acts like she has it all figured out.
“Well, for one, maybe I don’t just want to fuck his brains out. Maybe I feel something for this man, and I really like his little girl.” My smile softens at the thought of Catalina and how she wants a mother figure in her life.
Savannah watches me with a mixture of sadness and understanding. “Nadia, you are leaving soon, right? This is temporary, and I know you have been through a lot, but maybe this is all too soon. It seems really complicated, and I don’t think complicated is the best route for you.” She bites her nail and looks away. I know she wants the best for me, but I don’t want easy. I want passion and love. I want someone to look at me the way Manny looks at me. I want the family. I want it all, but instead of voicing all those things aloud, I decide the easiest way to end this conversation is to agree with her.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I tell her, but she is too smart for that. She is watching me keenly and I am a shit actor, but I continue. “I have been through a lot, Savannah, and I am pretty lonely. Maybe that’s what it is.” Her smile softens, and she leans her head briefly on my shoulder.
“Oh, Nadia, you are amazing, and I know that good things are coming your way. Just be patient and please don’t rush into anything like this, okay?” I meet her stare and nod once. “Good,” she says, and the doorbell rings. I jump off the couch, wanting this conversation to be done with, and this is the perfect timing.
“Well, that’s probably Parker, Hadley, and Jasmine.” I walk to the door. “I can’t wait for you to meet them.”
All talk of Manny halts once the introductions are made and my old friend meets my new ones, but the thoughts of him stay with me as I ponder Savannah’s words and wonder if this is me blowing things up and thinking that what happened between Manny and I are more than what they are. As I look across the lake and at my friends joking around, pouring drinks, I start the grill and begin to think about Manny and Catalina, wishing they were here with me, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Isit on the grass with Catalina in my lap, looking up at the setting sun. The sky is illuminated in red, orange, and purple hues as dusk begins its journey into nightfall. Families with similar items are piled along the grass at Pleasant Lake Park. The gates opened at 6 p.m. this evening, and the fireworks will begin shortly. The town has an organization that focuses solely on planning the Fourth of July celebration to make it as epic as possible. It is filled with nothing but families, as well as those who are either visiting in a vacation rental or residing in their summer lake homes. The town also uses the funds it makes here, by selling items and charging admission at the entrance, to support youth programs and offset family costs, such as the t-ball program my daughter participates in. There is plenty ofparking across the street in a large, open field, but the spots fill up quickly, so we have been here a while to get a prime location. I just hope that Catalina stays up to watch it. If she falls asleep, I’ll also bring items for that, so either way, we are prepared.
The look of joy on her face last night when we had dinner with Nadia was something I had missed seeing. I don’t want to bother Nadia, and I hope she didn’t feel obligated to have my daughter over to her lake home because I’d hate to impose. Will her parents be there, too? The truth is, I don’t know much about her, but I’d like to. As if conjured from my thoughts, I see Catalina spring up from the blanket and run over to Nadia. She is with a friend, and before she has time to react, she almost loses her footing as Catalina wraps her little arms around her legs, locking her in place.
“Oof,” I hear her say as she stumbles forward. The young woman beside her steadies her arm and then realizes what happened. She drops down to meet her and extends her hand out to her. Nadia makes the introductions and searches around the crowd with a worried look. I stand, and her sights hone in on me as I walk over to her to retrieve my daughter. Nadia has now entwined her fingers with Catalina’s and is walking toward me along with her friend, who has a shit-eating grin on her face. I don’t know what that means, but I’d like to know if Nadia has said something about me to cause her to smirk this way. It’s highly suspicious.
“I found something of yours,” Nadia says playfully, swinging Catalina’s arm back and forth as my little girl giggles. The woman beside her doesn’t wait for an introduction and boldly steps forward.
“I’m Savannah, Nadia’s best friend.” I take her hand, shaking it, my eyebrow quirks up at Nadia, and she just shrugs her shoulders.
“I’m Manny, and this is my daughter Catalina.” I tilt my chin toward my daughter, who is mesmerized by Nadia and very much ignoring me. I understand the feeling, because I am just as enthralled by her, and it’s getting harder to deny. As Savannah is about to speak, a guy taps her on the shoulder. She swings around, almost annoyed, until she sees who it is.
“Gage!” she exclaims. The guy is clearly pleased to see her reaction to him. He looked hesitant when he tappedher on the shoulder to get her attention, and I knew it would go one of two ways. That would have been embarrassing to witness if the events had turned out differently. He points to where his friends are, and Savannah looks like the cat that got the canary when she returns her focus to her friend. She whispers something to her and then laughs. “It was so nice to meet you guys, but I think I’m going to follow this guy around for a bit.” Gage couldn’t be happier as he begins to drag her away. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She doesn’t even try to be discreet as she winks at her. Gage looks to Nadia, clearly not seeing anyone else but her friend.
“Oh. Hi, Nadia. See you at work later.”
“Hi, Gage.” She waves, a little unimpressed as Savannah strolls off, blowing her an air kiss, but not before looking in my direction sternly.
“Take care of my girl, Manny,” is all she says as she strolls away, enveloped by the crowd. Nadia still holds Catalina’s hand, but now she looks uncomfortable. “I’m sorry if I am?—”
I don’t let her finish that thought. “Here, I have another blanket. Please join us.” Catalina jumps up excitedly, and Nadia just gives me a cute little lopsided smile as she plunks herself down on the blanket I set up for her right next to me. She crisscrosses her legs, and Catalina sits right on top of her. I stifle a laugh, and Nadia makes a sound as my daughter smothers her. I don’t have the heart to tell her not to, though. She looks so happy. Nadia smiles brilliantly at her, placing her arms around her and engaging in conversation about the fireworks that will soon be going off. She rests her chin on her head, like it is the most natural thing in the world.
I watch them both together, and I can’t help but feel like a failure. Maybe I should have tried harder to help my ex so that Catalina wouldn’t be attaching herself to her nanny. I also wonder if perhaps it was always going to fall apart. I tried to love her, but do you really have to try so hard to love someone? Shouldn’t it come naturally? She didn’t even try to love me back, and I don’t think she had the capacity for anything that didn’t revolve around her. I longed for the feeling of needing to be around them constantly because you enjoy their company, not because you have to. For them to feel the same way and make you feel desired and wanted.I had neither of those things. Although I had women come on to me, I would never have cheated on my wife, even though our sex life was almost non-existent. I was devastated when I heard she had been texting an older man. She didn’t even try to explain. She just retreated into herself, shutting me out completely, and I lost it. I couldn’t handle her anymore. Frankly, I didn’t want to.
Nadia looks over her shoulder as she squeezes Catalina further and gently kisses the top of her head as she rests her delicate chin there. Music starts playing, and I know the fireworks are about to start.
“Come on, Papá!” Catalina beckons me over with her little outstretched hand. I scoot closer to her side and place myself in line with Nadia. My knee noticeably touches hers as she glances over. I see goose pimples cover her legs, and look over at her.
“Are you cold?” I ask. “Do you want a blanket?” She peeks in my direction and shakes her head no, without answering me. The sky is getting darker, and the first set of fireworks erupts in the sky. Catalina squeals in excitement.
“Look at the pretty colors, Nadia!” She points to the sky illuminated in red, orange, and yellow. The booms continue. “Papá! Isn’t it the prettiest thing you have ever seen?” she asks, and Nadia rests her chin on my daughter’s head again, looking at me with a lazy smile spread across her face. My heart leaps in my chest, and I realize I am looking at my daughter’s nanny with puppy dog eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat as the realization hits me.
“Yes, mijita.” I nod, agreeing. Nadia is watching me, her focus razor sharp. “It is definitely the prettiest thing I have ever seen.” Nadia’s eyes widen, and her sudden intake of air lets me know she got the meaning. Because I wasn’t looking at the fireworks. I was looking at her. I don’t know what I am doing, and it might be the worst decision I have made yet, and Lord knows I have made a few already, but I can’t help what I am starting to feel for this woman.
Since the first day, she affected me at the diner, even though I hated myself for it. Now, my daughter sitting in her lap gives me hope that someday, I can have a love that lasts, where someone picks me first, and I can be the husband and lover I know I can be—a family for Catalina and maybe more siblings for her to calla brother or sister. I never wanted to believe it could be a feeling I could ever want to have again. Maybe it won’t be with Nadia, as much as I like the possibility, but I thought I was closed off to the idea. I can only pray that it could be with this woman, but I don’t think I can take the rejection if I lay out my feelings for her and they are not reciprocated. So it might be best to keep things low-key. I can’t push us on her. I can tell we are each harboring tons of baggage, so I decide to see where this could go. If it does go in the direction I’d like, then so be it. I decide not to fight it.
The fireworks have been going on for fifteen minutes, and I know that we don’t have much time left. I place a blanket over Catalina, draping it over her, Nadia, and half of my leg. I rest my hand on the ground under the blanket, and it grazes Nadia’s. She stiffens and looks at me, but I don’t move. I just stay there and watch her, feeling this unspoken connection to her. There’s an urge to touch more of her, but I don’t act on it. The jolt of electricity that I felt from one slight touch, causes another kind of fireworks to spark in my chest, igniting a feeling I don’t want to ever end.
She gives me another one of her smiles, and I return it with a slight smirk, lifting the corner of my mouth before turning my head forward facing. Then, unexpectedly, I feel her soft, yet deliberate touch. Her fingertips trail slowly down my arm before her hand settles gently over mine. I tilt my head sideways to look at her, meeting her stare. She sits there unmoving, awaiting my reaction. But I give her nothing, as I turn my head away from her, eyes lifting to the sky, just as the fireworks erupt for the final minutes of the finale.
