We sit there after they enter the emergency department and wait to see what happens next. The silence continues until I can’t take it anymore. “Are we going to talk about the big news we were just blasted with, Mateo?”
I look away and stare out the window. I can hear Mattie’s breathing pick up. I know that he is still processing the clusterfuck that is the news of hearing that Julian’s father is his father and, worse, that the person who had been hurting hissister was, in fact, his half-brother, Julian. If I am frank, I also have a hard time with this.
“I can’t,” he finally says. He shakes his head, and I understand. It is all too much, but what I can do is offer my brother the support he needs.
We sit there in silence for a couple more hours until I see my sister wrapped up in Eduardo’s arms and Emma’s pregnant friend, Liv, being held up by Dax. She is crying hysterically, and I can only assume it is not good news. They pull out of the parking lot and follow suit, returning to our place.
A week passes, and we find ourselves at my least favorite place. There is peace you should have knowing that your loved ones are no longer suffering and their souls are laid to rest, but that isn’t always the case. Some of the souls were taken before their time, driven from their bodies by someone or something that took their life. They took them from their families, children, and left them to figure out things independently. To live a life without them. The last time I was here was when my parents died.
The last time I was here was to attend my own funeral. I got to experience what a person would feel like if they could hear everything that was said, and experience all the sadness of the life they left behind.
I listened to my sister crying, and I wasn’t able to console her. Julian had her wrapped around him forcefully. He fully supported her financially, but without her consent in anything, and he appeared to everyone as the ever-doting boyfriend.
Not everything is as it appears.
Loud thunder cracks across the sky, pulling me from my morbid thoughts. It is fitting that a storm should beapproaching. It feels like an omen of what’s to come. It’s as if the angels are weeping with us. I see my sister and all she has had to go through. She is so supportive of her friend, but she truly had no one there to support her when we were laid to rest? Julian may have been there, but that was all for show. That was before Eduardo came into the picture, and before she became best friends with Liv. But our cousin got her out and away from Julian, and she found her way back to Eduardo who has been keeping her safe ever since.
Jameson is there, too. He is sitting silently near Eduardo and Dax. He is alone and stares out across the cemetery. I can’t take my eyes off him; he looks so beautiful—and mine.
I want to go to him and let him know that I am here. I want to have him support me as Eduardo holds onto Emma, like she is something so precious to him. I close my eyes and imagine that Jameson is holding me. His strong arms envelop me in a solid embrace. I tilt my head back a bit. I can almost smell his musky scent of steamy nights mixed in with my earthy scent of questionable intentions, making the perfect scent for just us.
I decide to send him a text to let him know that I miss him, but his reply is always the same.
Jameson
When can I see you again?
I want to go to him, but I can’t. I decide that after I return, I won’t let myself be away from him any longer.
Evie
I have to go away for a while, but when I get back, I would like to see you.
It feels good to tell him this, but I just hope he can wait.
Jameson
How long will you be gone?
I bite my lip, not looking at the phone, trying to determine how long we will be away.
Evie
I’m still trying to figure it out. It will take a couple of months at the most. I have some family business I need to tend to.
I am waiting for his reply, but I don’t get one. I look over at him, see him reading the text, and then placing the phone in his pocket. I slump my shoulders in defeat. Does this mean he isn’t going to wait for me? Are we over before we have begun? I panic, not even thinking before I send off the message.
Evie
Please wait for me…
That’s all I can say, and I hope I’m not too late. I curse myself, and this makes Mateo look at me with concern. I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. It will just make me sadder than I already feel. Besides, Mateo has enough going on in his mind to worry about something that should be a priority at this point. Literally, everything else is more important than this, except it isn’t to me. It’s just my happiness, but that is something I haven’t been allowed to indulge in.
The priest talks about the Kingdom of God in a long-winded speech about His son returning to be united with Him. I look around at all the people who made the trip for this young man whose life was taken too soon.
As the ceremony ends, everyone is walking to their cars. I have already been sitting in ours as Emma is in the SUV watching from the window at her friend suffering alone by the gravesite, refusing to leave.
She stands there holding her single red rose and staring down into the grave. It’s as if she doesn’t want to throw her flower in the grave because that will be it—the final goodbye. She releases it, and I can’t help the gasp that leaves my lips. I almost didn’t expect her to do it. I almost wish she would have walked away with it, but what’s the point? Acceptance is all there really is to move forward now. She looks up at the sky as if she is cursing at her God.
