Wonder what that’s all about,I think. The idiot definitely fucked something up.
The temperature and humidity continue to climb as predicted. Thankfully we have enough sunscreen to last the day, which is precisely what I need considering I don’t plan to leave until I find Liv. I want to get to know her. I want to learn more about the spunky little nurse who has invaded my mind and occupied my thoughts since last night. I have yet to think of anything else, and I won’t until I find her.
ChapterFive
Liv
My dreams torment me.Punish me without abatement. Visions of two tangled bodies pushed up against the wall. The lust dripped in a veil of sweat from his forehead. The scent of salty ocean water mixed with unrelenting male arousal. The sound of clashing teeth hitting together in a frantic kiss. I can feel club-style music bass vibrating throughout my body. I pull away quickly from the embrace to see Dax’s face looking back at me. The possessive nature of his intense stare. He leans into my ear, sucking my earlobe with one word whispered, echoing in my mind. Mine. I try to pull Dax back to me in an embrace, desperate for that connection I need but instead I reach only air. There is nothing but emptiness. My rapid heart rate feels as though it’s echoing in my ears. I wake startled from my sleep. Was it real?
I take in the scenery around me—my dresser, the sound of a fan across the room that provides a routine white noise after my night shift ends. I’m awake before the call from Val comes through; she is letting me know they are on their way over. I throw the covers off dramatically, befitting my mood—unrested and unsettled. My bed looks like I was at war with it—sheets are haphazardly strewn across the floor. The mattress slung slightly askew from the box frame. I tossed and turned all night, trying to erase seeing the video from my memories. Alas, it was futile. Instead, Dax, my patient, and I replaced the actors in the slightly pornographic video. That was all kinds of fucked up.
Once in the bathroom, I clear my mind and hastily get ready. I don’t want to make the girls wait on me. I quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. I grab my bikini off the bathroom door hook and put it on. I apply a minimal amount of makeup. Tinted moisturizer and rouge gently spread over my cheeks, lips, and eyelids, finished with waterproof mascara, complete my repertoire. There isn’t much eye redness or swelling this morning. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would last night after hearing about Brodie’s betrayal. I guess the Benadryl and shot of whiskey helped to ensure that wasn’t the case. I am not too surprised by this. I honestly thought he might not have been faithful, but to do it so blatantly, throwing it in my face. In front of my friends, where the news would get back to me. In a town where many people we know could have seen this. We had been friends in high school and had known each other since we were kids. Things just naturally progressed to more than friendship. We were there for each other when we needed someone to lean on.
After my father’s death, he helped ensure I ate at lunch when he saw me getting too thin. He picked me up from school and dropped me off after. I didn’t know why he did, but I was grateful that he cared about my mental well-being—always offering me that proverbial hand. I was there when he needed surgery for his rotator cuff at seventeen. I noticed he wasn’t himself after. He was upset after learning he couldn’t play baseball anymore. He was good at it too—terrific actually, and so full of promise. The fact that this tear to his shoulder happened during his senior year ruined his chances of pursuing a chance to play in college. Around Christmas time, I noticed he was more reserved and closed off. One day we were at Barnes and Noble, sitting at a table in the café and attempting to study while people watching—our favorite pastime. He left to go to the bathroom. I grabbed his bag to look for a highlighter and noticed a bag of pills.
After he returned from the bathroom, I pretended to ignore the signs—glassy eyes, the change in moods, and decreased appetite. It wasn’t the time to confront him, but I waited for the right time. I walked him into the house and, when I found no one home, decided to confront him about what I saw in his bag. He immediately became defensive, and after a long, drawn-out argument, he admitted to needing the pills. It began postoperatively because he required the medications for pain control for his shoulder. He asked the doctor for a refill, of which he was given one. After there were no more pain medication refills, he went through the family medicine cabinets. He took his mother’s leftover pain medication. When that was no longer available, he found someone who would sell them to him—synthetic heroin. I am glad that we got to this discovery in time. I have heard stories about how this happens, leading to a cheaper method involving shooting up heroin instead of just purchasing pills. That is where the addiction is intensified, making it harder to break the habit. We started going to Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings, and I became his consistent support system. We had both been there for each other. As a result, we became closer in a more intimate way.
After high school, our friends all left and went away to college. We spoke frequently, and most of us were only a few hours away. We saw each other on breaks or holidays. I stayed back to go to a vocational college. Money was tight with my mom, and I knew she didn’t have the money to send me to university. I decided to attend the community college for my associate’s degree in nursing. I could then work as a nurse and pay for school each semester. I started the RN to BSN bridge program, so I had many classes to graduate sooner. The hospital had a program for scholarships and aided with tuition money in exchange for two years of employment. Now I was finishing, and I thought that Brodie and I could be together again. See where things lead—the natural progression of our relationship. Being away from him wasn’t very difficult. I was so busy with my studies and work.
I didn’t have time to dwell on him or think about what he was doing outside college. It should have frightened me that he didn’t occupy my every thought. He felt routine and present in the background. Much like wallpaper. Almost secondary to everything else. A quick call here or a text message there to check in. He wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. It wasn’t an all-consuming relationship. The sex was good, but I wanted to feel a deeper connection with him, one that had fizzled out over the years. We had a good foundation. Wasn’t that enough? Still, the fact that my suspicions were brought to my attention last night angered me. Instead, I would have told myself it was over or that we would remain great friends. I would have preferred the friend zone to this. I deserve better than this. The way he was sucking her face off in the video made me want to throw up. Nausea is attempting to return as my mind replays it. I have to turn it off in my head. My friends will be here any minute. I have to get it together.
I take a quick drink of water, chasing back the bitter taste of bile and betrayal. I continue grabbing some hair products to enhance my curls and smoothen any residual frizz. The humidity will be unbearable, and I will do everything I can to tame these locks in place. Beach hair it is. It gives me at least a sense of some control, as stupid as it may sound. The hair product smells terrific too. I hope to have a repeat of last night—Dax whispering in my ear. The feel of his lips buzzing about my neck made every hair on my body stand on end with excitement. I haven’t had this sort of response from a guy. One that makes me feel that electrical spark you read about or have people describe to you. I didn’t think it existed. I am now wondering if I imagined it. I need to know more than ever—if what I felt last night was real. Maybe the dream made me believe or play it up more than what I thought I felt just a few hours ago.
I proceed to grab a couple of hair ties for my wrist in case there is a crazy amount of wind—a big surprise for the beach. I throw in my beach bag an extra set of clothes, a swimsuit, and Toms shoes for later, just in case I need them. I get dressed quickly, putting on a pair of shorts, a tank top, and my favorite pair of flip-flops. Before leaving my room, I get a couple of towels and sunscreen. “Now, I have everything for a day at the beach,”I mumble to myself as I shut the light off in my room. I go to the fridge, pack my cooler bag with a couple of cold packs, and add some drinks. I also make sure to grab a couple of bottles of Pedialyte. I usually have one of these before I do any drinking, especially if it is outdoors, with the heat and salt compounding the effects of dehydration. I am a nurse after all. I have seen this impact when a patient comes in from too much sun at the beach, too much drinking, or an awful stomach virus. This method seems to be tried and true for drinking alcohol in any setting, and I will avoid sickness at all costs today.
When I see Brodie at the beach, I want to be in my right mind. Will he come up to me? To apologize or, worse, deny the video. The proof. I don’t want him to manipulate me into thinking what I saw on the video could be construed as anything more than what it was—him enjoying another woman’s body. I hope Dax is there. I don’t want to miss the chance of getting to know him, even though that is a remote possibility since I doubt I will even see him again after today. As I am loading up some snacks, the doorbell rings. I look through the peephole to see Emma, Ainsley, and Val.
I answer the door to let the girls in. They immediately all stare at me. I look down, and Emma reaches out for my hand.
“Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. Are you okay?”
I shake my head but look up and attempt a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “No, but I think I will be. I have you all, and I want to go out today and spend time with my friends.”
Ainsley moves forward to hug me. “Are you going to confront him today? If you are, I think you should do it sooner than later.”
I also notice Anisley’s tightly pursed lips. Hopefully, it isn’t more bad news. I couldn’t take it anymore; frankly, I didn’t think I cared.
“Sooner than later, before everyone is drinking, so they have some wits about them.”
I nod in agreement. Val goes to hug me too. “I think you should ignore him. Let him come up to you. You are too classy to make a scene, Liv.”
I raise my hand. “Guys, there is no way I am causing a scene. I have to clear the air, but I’ll have to see how he is too.”
They all look at me. They felt sorry for me, and I hate that feeling. I got the same pity at my dad’s funeral service-apologies. Well, I refuse to feel that or accept that look today.
“Come on guys. Let’s go have some fun. I sure do need it.” I close the door to my apartment, and we start our drive out to the mile marker, where our friends are waiting for us.
After about an hour in traffic, we finally made it to the line leading to our spot. People are stuck in this line cruising the beach. They are either doing this or looking for a sliver of sand to park their vehicle. If you didn’t get here early, you are unlikely to get a prime location. It’s close to three o’clock when I spot our friends. I see our little click of friends with the entire setup in action. Crispin is waving in the air like air traffic control. I hear him call out to Rhett. He and Zach spring up from their chairs and run over to the tent. They start maneuvering things around, then stand in the spot, holding it open when I am the next in line. I quickly pull my Jeep into my spot with ease. I hear sublime pumping from the speakers and jump out. I go over to my friends and grab a quick hug. Emma, Ainsley, and Val jump out of the Jeep. Emma sticks two fingers into her mouth and finger whistles over to the guys. They all drop what they are doing and quickly grab our stuff from the back for us. Now that’s southern hospitality.
They place all the stuff on the sand and lay it out. I go to grab my iced coffee, finish that up, and readily pour a jug of Pedialyte in its place. I can feel the heat and know I need to stay on top of my fluid intake today. Someone offers me a beer, but I decline, saying maybe later. I hug a few more friends, and as I am pulling away. I spot Brodie. He looks up and sees me. We just hold each other’s stare. We connect, and unspoken words travel in waves through the breeze—I know what you did. Emma quickly notices this interaction and elbows Ainsley for an intervention. Ainsley walks right up to me and grabs my arm. I see her shake her head to Brodie as she leads me away. We held each other stare for what felt like minutes but probably was a lot shorter than that.
What did I expect him to do or say? I saw the look in his eyes. It was riddled with guilt. He knows that what he did was wrong and feels guilty. Good. Perhaps it was that he was caught. Does he regret it? I honestly don’t expect to feel this way now. Even though I know I should feel angry, I do not. Either way, I’ll have to talk to him today. We need to clear the air soon. Spring break will be over, and everyone will return to finish school. Except, I won’t leave. I’ll stay here, but I will finish up too. Where will we go from here?
I go to my girlfriends and stand around catching up with my old buddies from high school. I’m staring out into the ocean. I go over to the water to dunk my feet in. The water is cool compared to the heat of the sand. The sound of the waves is hypnotic and helps to clear my mind. Despite the music and laughter from all around, I remain focused on the sound of the waves feeling centered again. As I am heading back to the Jeep, it is when I feel like someone is watching me. I look around and don’t notice anyone. I grab my towel and start walking to my chair when I look up and lock eyes with a guy sitting in a chair with sunglasses on. His leg is elevated on an ice chest with an air splint on it. He smiles at me, displaying perfectly white teeth. He takes his sunglasses off and waves. I tilt my head and smile at him.
I also give him a little wave, but then I notice that he is getting up. He says something to his friend. I recognize him as the one with him last night in the ED-Jameson. I think he said that was his name. He starts to walk my way, and I just stand there watching him. He walks over to me, and I see Emma look at us back and forth.
She comes up to me and asks who that is.
