Emma goes over to Melissa, who is also crying, and I see her talking to them. Emma returns with tears in her eyes and goes over to hug me.
“I am so sorry, Liv. He didn’t make it. He had a terrible blood infection, and his heart just gave out from septicemia.”
She stands to kiss me on the head as I ugly cry into Dax’s chest. Eduardo goes over to hold Emma, and they sit beside us. They are not leaving me this time. He gives me the comfort I need without saying another word. Brodie's parents make their way over to the doors and disappear for a while. I don’t know how long we sat there like that, but Brodie’s parents returned from what I can only assume was saying goodbye to their son. I look up at them and stand as I talk to them. I hugged them both, and they told me they would call me with the funeral details. They leave, and I walk over to Dax. He stands to hold me.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, let’s go home.”
We all walk out, and this time I feel like I am leaving behind a part of my life.
I step out of the SUV to hear thunder cracking across the sky. The wind picks up, and the leaves rustle in the breeze, creating sounds around me. Of course, today would be raining, and a storm was approaching. Dax holds my hand as we make our way to the gravesite, where Brodie is finally laid to rest. Eduardo and Emma are behind us, and Eduardo driving allowed Dax to be with me. I look at the man holding my hand beside me, and I am so thankful to have such an understanding and loving person that supports me in all things. He was my rock that day when Brodie was injured, and he is my rock now after Brodie’s death two years later. We take our seats. The priest talks about the Kingdom of God, a long speech about his son returning to be reunited with him. I look around at all our friends who made it to the service to say our final goodbyes. Everyone made the trip, and I feel that maybe Brodie is smiling at all of us. He isn’t suffering anymore and I hope he finds peace in the afterlife. Raindrops start to fall. We stand to each drop off our rose on his casket in our final farewell. I hold mine above the coffin and let it hover there. Dax waits patiently as I reluctantly release it. I see it land with a hard thud as it makes contact with the wood. I walk away and look at the sky, letting the raindrops land on my face. The heavens release the rain at that moment, and it comes down heavy.
I stand there, letting the water soak me, crying.
“Are you crying too, Brodie?” A whisper that falls into a gust of wind.
Dax looks at me and grabs my hands. “Liv, you are getting drenched, baby. Let’s go.”
I can’t move. I am stuck in this spot and can’t move any further. He kisses my lips softly and picks me up in his strong arms, carrying me to the car. I see Emma looking through the passenger window at me with tears. Eduardo runs to the other side and opens the door for Dax to get in, soaking himself in the rain. I begin to shake as Dax continues to hold me in his arms. He rubs his thumb around my hand in a circular pattern, reminding me of when I was waiting to hear news about Brodie’s surgery. The comfort I felt then continues to bring me comfort even though circumstances are very different. I don’t remember the drive home. I’m in our bedroom, and Dax is helping me out of my wet clothes. The last thing I remember is falling asleep, surrounded by warmth from Dax’s body, as he engulfed me in a solid and secure embrace. I go to sleep warm and feeling loved despite the hole left in my chest at the loss of a life taken from us too soon.
I lay like that for almost a week, barely getting out of bed, and Dax continued to take care of me. He lets me mourn in my own way without letting me neglect my basic needs. He helps me shower, dress, and eat.
One night, I dream of Brodie. We are young in school, sharing snacks, drinking juice boxes, and swinging together. I look over at him, wanting to go higher and higher. He looks over at me with concern and tells me to be careful.
“Brodie, I know what I am doing,” I scoff at him, and he draws his brows together.
I reach higher and then jump off the swing in one quick motion. He throws his feet on the ground running toward me. Dirt kicks up around me in a plume of dust. He makes his way over, and I have this scratch on my knee. He picks me up and asks if I’m okay.
“It’s just a scratch, Brodie.”
“I know, but I don’t like seeing you hurt, Liv. Please tell me that you’ll be more careful. I might not be around to catch you if you fall next time.”
“I promise, Brodie.”
He flashes me a toothy smile, and my heart catches.
“I’ll take care of myself even if you aren’t there.”
“Great, let’s get the nurse to give you a Band-Aid and make sure you act a little sicker, so maybe we can get a lollipop too.”
I wake up in the early morning with the dawn showing its first rays of sunlight through the window’s blinds. I get up to go to the bathroom. I wash my hands and look back at my reflection in the mirror. I see my sunken eyes with bags under them and feel my baby kick. I haven’t been happy this week—no happiness in me to even enjoy that new moment of movement in my belly. As I walk out, I remember my dream about Brodie and my promise to him. I’ll be okay and care for myself if he isn't there to catch me. I never did get to say goodbye, but I somehow think that was his way of allowing me time to do so. I go over to my husband, who is still in bed. When I return to bed, the mattress shifts, and he sits up.
“Liv, is everything okay?”
I get into bed and grab his face, giving him a hard kiss. “Yes, and I think it will be okay from now on.”
He curls his eyebrow up at me, and I slide into his solid embrace, knowing I can continue living without the hurt, fulfilling my promise to a boy in my dreams.
Epilogue
TWO YEARS LATER
Liv
I sit on the beach,listening to the waves crashing on the jetties. It is almost morning and the start of another busy weekend. Soon the beach will be crowded, but not now. No one is around to disturb me. My mind started to go to that Saturday morning so many years ago. I can almost hear the familiar voices and laughter on the light breeze that passes through and blows my hair back much like a gentle caress. The song of Bob Marley and the Whalers, “No Woman No Cry,” is a faint murmur on the breeze. Seagulls’ wings are spread wide flying high, sweeping low until they land feet imprinting on the sand. The incoming seawater quickly erases their footprints.
I hear the sound of incoming wet footprints traipsing on the sand, a scrambled run heading in my direction. I turn around to see them walking toward me hand in hand. I am quickly pulled out of my past and catapulted into the present. I hear the words “mommy, mommy,” excitement resonating from a little boy’s voice. My meditative trance is replaced with an upturn of my lips as I break into a full smile. My whole world and future now stand right in front of me. Just then, the sun starts to peek through the clouds in the most magnificent colors of pink, orange, and yellow, with just a trace of blue on the horizon. Its brightness shone down in streaks across the predawn sky. I can almost feel him with me—my forever light clearing away the darkness.
