ONE YEAR LATER
Liv
I lie backon my bed, look at my phone for the thousandth time, and see the message Dax sent me months ago. I can’t bring myself to erase it despite how miserable it makes me to read it. I moved in with Emma, and our two-bedroom apartment is the perfect space for two mid-twenty-year-olds trying to figure out their lives. School is grueling, but I’m getting it done. Couple that with work and being there for Brodie; my life has become insanely busy. My travel assignment went well and I saved some much-needed cash. At the end of my contract, I was pleasantly surprised when the Emergency department director offered me a job. They were even willing to give me a per diem status that would allow me to make some money with a shift differential and schedule flexibility so that I could focus on school. And with my full-time student status, I could take a health plan at school—one less thing to worry about. Emma and I sometimes work the same shift, which means we catch up while carpooling there and back. It seems just like old times. Our most recent discussions have been around Ainsley and Piper since they will be coming to visit us soon. It’ll be nice to have them here so we can let loose for a bit. I get up and throw my phone in my bag. My life runs on a tight schedule lately, and I’m currently late for a group study session. “Here we go again,” I mutter as I gather my stuff and make my way to the door.
A few hours later, I came home to an empty apartment. Emma must still be at work. I grab my workout stuff and decide to get a quick run in before I make my way to Brodie’s dad’s house for our frequent visits. I need this time to clear my head before I head over there. It is so surreal to be sitting with your friend and former boyfriend, knowing that things will never be the same. We will no longer dance together, walk to the movies, ride bikes along the shore, or be intimate with each other ever again. The events that happened that night had lasting repercussions. They run on a haunted loop inside my head.
I decide that I need some raging music to fill my mind and try to erase the negative thoughts that are a constant background in my life. I pull up Godsmack, and the song “Mistakes” starts its intro. I take off through the complex and onto the sidewalk. The lyrics fill my head, and the anger and guilt wash through me with every word and every step. I increase my speed as feelings attempt to purge out through my pores as the sweat drips from my body. My feet pound the pavement, and my lungs burn. After the song finishes, I begin to slow down, knowing that I won’t be able to keep up that pace. I click through my music, scrolling for the next song. I see a ’90s hip-hop station and flip to that. Some motivating Eminen, perhaps. Yep, that’ll work, I think to myself.
I get lost in my thoughts, and my watch alerts me to my target running goal and time. Not too shabby, three miles in twenty-seven minutes. I wipe the excess sweat off my forehead as I slow down to a walk. My breathing returns to normal, and I realize I’m just around the corner from a Starbucks I go to often. An unsweetened passion fruit iced tea will do just the trick allowing me to cool off and rest for a bit. I need to check my school emails before going to Brodie’s house anyway. Once I get there, we usually fall into a routine of small talk before I crack open my books. It’s a convenient place to get my homework done. I get to spend time with him, and it’s quiet, so I can focus on what I’m doing. A win-win on all accounts. Sometimes his night nurse will even cook us something while I visit. And as a student with a limited income, I’ll take all the free meals I can get. I turn my air pods off and attempt to tame my hair down after the run by pulling it into a messy bun. I’m sweaty, but a quick glance at my reflection in the glass shows me that I’m relatively presentable, so I push the door open and head in.
The place is packed. Great. So much for checking my email. I guess I’ll just order to go then. I’d like to take a cold shower before going to Brodie’s anyway. I place my order and stand off to the side, shooting a text to Emma.
Where the hell are you, girlie? I just went for a run and am getting a quick drink at Starbucks. Do you want anything?
I pocket my phone again and look to see if my drink is ready, and that’s when I hear it.
“Venti Americano for Dax,” the barista yells out.
“Dax.” My lips mouth the word before I realize I’m doing it.
Adrenaline pumps through me, and my hands begin to shake. My eyes dart around the room and land on the one person I never thought I would see again. It’s Dax.MyDax stood up from a table to get his drink. As if he could feel my eyes land on him, he turns to look in my direction, and our eyes meet. Dax looks at me with a shocked expression, his mouth slightly open. He closes it slowly, and I can see Adam's apple bob as he swallows and steps toward me. His eyes never leave mine, and the intensity of his stare penetrates through me as he continues walking my way. His jaw tics and I can see confusion, passion, and relief cross his face in rapid succession.
I stand there mesmerized by his stature. He’s here in front of me. I take him in, the slim fit of his jeans and the perfect-fitting plain tee that hugs his tight body. It looks expensive, all of it. I see the chunky watch on his manly wrist as he reaches out and grabs his coffee. Just his proximity in the room makes all of my senses come alive, and suddenly, it’s hard to breathe. He sees my slow perusal of his body, and I see his eyes narrow. His eyes are homed in on mine like a predator stalking its prey-trying to calculate if he has to chase it down so he can take what is his.
Like an apparition that might disappear again in a flash, I guess I could feel his reluctance to look away with the way I vanished. The barista calls my name, and I just stare at him. He tilts his head toward the barista while maintaining his sights on me.
“You're going to get that?” he asks with a slight upturn of his lip.
He lets his eyes drop down to my lips, and I nod, unable to speak, and go to get my drink. As I walk to the counter, I can feel the weight of his stare on me. Why is he looking at me like that? Is he upset? Is he happy to see me? I’m tempted to turn around to see if he is staring at my ass. Instantly I’m so glad I wore the tight running shorts that show off my long legs. But then I remember I’m also a sweaty mess from my run. An embarrassed blush flushes across my cheeks.I shake the thought from my head, thank the barista for my drink and brace myself as I turn back around. A million scenarios play out in my mind, but what I see is not at all what I expect.
His eyes capture mine again, but then he looks away to someone else. That’s when I see a tall, well-dressed woman walking toward Dax. She goes to place her arm around his waist, and I see him move away slightly, but not out of her hold. We look at each other again, and I take a step away. I can see when he realizes I’m moving toward the door, not him. I push through the crowd of people desperate to get outside and into the fresh air. I stumble outside and begin to half walk, half jog away.
“Wait! Liv!” I hear him call behind me.
There’s a desperation in his voice that I can’t ignore, but I’m too scared to stop. I don’t know what makes me speed up, but I do. Is it the sophisticated woman that held his embrace but not his attention? I don’t allow him time to follow as I slip through the crowded sidewalk across the street. I make the mistake of turning back and seeing him looking for me as the tall blond also looks in my direction with a blank look on her flawless face. She sees me but doesn’t offer any help for him to locate me.
My heart continues to pound, and tears begin to well up in my eyes. Dax is with someone else. He’s moved on. The realization stabs through me. My phone pings again, and I automatically reach for it, secretly hoping it will be a message from Dax. But it’s a text from Emma.
I’m picking up some things for the girl’s upcoming visit. Do you want to come?
I read and reread it a couple of times before it sinks in. My brain is simply not working quite right. The blond bombshell pops back into my mind, and unexpected jealousy tears through me. Immediately I replied,
YES.
??
well, that was easy. I thought I was going to have to bribe you. I know how much you hate shopping for clothes.
I might not be the look of class like that woman, but an updated wardrobe will help me feel better. And maybe some new running clothes.
I’m already wondering if I’ll bump into Dax again, and I’d like to look a bit better next time I see him. I managed to text her back to let her know that I’m going to shower and visit Brodie for a bit, and then I’ll be home. A thumbs up and heart emoji come up, and I throw her a kissing emoji face, so she won't think anything is suspicious. I see another text message, and my stomach tumbles.
It’s Dax.
Where are you? I want to talk to you.
Then another text message comes up immediately,
