“Oh.” I look at the plates and shake my head. “Yeah, sorry. Just a lot on my mind.”
“I know that feeling. Anything you want to talk about?”
I chew on my lip, considering her offer.
Apart from my sister, Briar is the one I’m the closest to out of the six of us who escaped Gideon. We spend a lot of time at the club together practicing; her singing, me with my stage performances. Briar is sweet and loyal, but a badass when she needs to be.
She doesn’t know a lot about my personal history; I haven’t told anyone but my sister and Emmett. But we’re all aware we come from some pretty fucked up pasts.
I know if I talk to Briar, she won’t say anything to anyone.
Silva should be the one I go to about this, but she already has stuff going on in her life. I’d rather have a good grasp on all these changes before going to her with them so she doesn’t feel like she has to help solve them. I’m a big girl, I can do it on my own. I hope.
Fuck. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this scared about something happening in my life.
I know it could be worse, that the world isn’t ending. I’m safe, I’m loved, I’m wanted.
That still doesn't erase the fact that everything I never wanted in my life is happening.
It’s too much, too soon, too fast. I’m seconds away from a downward spiral.
Maybe opening up to someone who isn’t immediately affected by this stuff could help. I could also start talking to my therapist again, but I need someone to talk to right now, before I lose my mind.
“Actually, yeah. If you’re free?”
“Of course.”
“Let me take this to the kitchen.” The whole way there and back to Briar, my heart is racing, nerves wreaking havoc on my stomach. Or maybe that's the pregnancy?
“Wanna chat here, or outside?”
“It’s a nice day out, may as well enjoy it before the snow comes.”
“Good point.” She grins.
We head outside and walk over to the picnic table under the aspen tree.
“First, promise me you won’t say anything to anyone. I have a lot to work through first before I want any of this to get out. But I feel like I need someone to open up to before I lose my mind.”
“Of course.” She takes my hands in hers. “I’m here for you, Lex.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod. “First, I’m pregnant."
Her eyes widen. “Congratulations... I think?” She raises a brow.
I huff out a laugh. “Yes, now. At first, I was losing my mind because I never wanted kids, and Emmett and I never discussed having a family.”
“Does he know?”
“Not yet,” I sigh. “I’m going to tell him, but I need time to process everything, you know?”
“Of course, it’s big news. After everything we’ve been through, it’s okay to be afraid of change. You built a life here, and now it’s changing. That can be scary.”
My eyes water, and I demand myself not to cry. “Thank you for understanding. That’s exactly why I haven’t said anything to him yet. I’ve just now come to terms with it, and was pretty excited about it. Still terrified of telling Emmett because a part of me feels like I’ll be trapping him. With the age gap and everything, I feel like I might hold him back.”
“Has he ever told you that he felt that way?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He tells me I’m his whole world and that I’m all he needs.”
