“We have an appointment with Kate Holland, I mean Russel. Kate Russel,” I correct myself.
“Right,” she says. “You must be Amy.”
“Amy?” Asher says. I couldn’t have made the appointment with my real name, obviously.
“Yes, that’s me.” I reach out a hand to shake hers.
“Caroline,” she says. Then she turns to Asher to shake his hand as well.
“Vernon,” Asher says, using his grandpa’s name for his fake identity. Vernon and Amy, that’s us.
“Nice to meet you both. Kate had to step out, so I’m going to help you today.”
We follow her back to an office, Kate’s office, I realize by the nameplate on the glass desk.
“So we won’t be meeting with Kate at all? Or will she just be late?” I ask.
“Um, she may be coming back. I actually don’t know.” We sit in the two leather chairs in front of the desk as Caroline hands usboth a folder. “These are just a showcase of some of our work, and details on the process. But let’s get to know each other first and find out what you’re looking for.”
“Well, Caroline,” Asher starts, “we just bought a gorgeous beachfront property on Nantucket.”
“Oh wow.” Caroline beams. “Good for you guys!”
“Yeah, well, I can’t take the credit really. It was all thanks to Amy’s OnlyFans account.”
I gasp, choking on my own saliva, but try to turn it into a laugh. “Um, yeah, yes, my OnlyFans account. It’s, like, super classy though, mostly feet stuff, nothing, like... too explicit.”
Asher turns to me. “Babe, don’t be modest, tell her about that shoot last week with the three other guys in it—”
I look at him wide-eyed. “Oh, no, that’s okay, let’s talk about decor!” I turn back toward Caroline.
“Honestly.” Caroline reaches for my hand across the table. “Good for you for doing that.”
Asher interrupts. “I’ll tell you what we’re looking for. First, curtains. We’ll need large ones, and make sure they’re thick so I don’t have to watch my girlfriend fuck the neighbor out by the pool when they think I’m not home.” I shoot another incredulous look at Asher.
“He’s kidding.” I laugh.
“And soundproof walls, is that something you can do? We sleep in separate bedrooms because she snores, and it sounds like someone trying to start up a lawn mower.”
I kick him hard under the table.
“Ah!” He grabs his shin.
“Sorry, leg spasms,” I say, smiling at Caroline.
“Side effect from all of the drinking,” Asher explains. And I can’t believe he’s doing this. Why is he doing this?
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t need to drink if I didn’t haveyouas a boyfriend.”
Caroline clears her throat uncomfortably. “Why don’t I give you two a minute, and, um, I’ll go see where Kate is!” Caroline shuffles out of the room and I glare at Asher.
“What the hell are you doing?!”
“I’m just having some fun.” He shrugs.
“This is not fun. You’re embarrassing me!”
“Am I?”
