The gun makes a clicking noise and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I play the song in my head, the one Asher played for me on the piano. There’s shouting, other voices, but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes. The gun fires with a crack and I wait for it to hit me but... when I open my eyes again, Annica is the one face down on the ground, a pool of red forming from under her green dress, and an officer by the attic entrance lowering his arm after firing the shot. The rest happens in a blur. Two officers are in the attic now: One is kneeling next to Wesley, the other is saying something to me. His mouth is moving but all I hear is the ringing in my ears after the gunshot, and “Clair de Lune.”
It should have been me. The thought crosses my mind ever so briefly and is gone quicker than a blink. If she would have shot me, then I would no longer have to go to sleep feeling guilty overall the deaths. I would no longer have to feel guilty about lying to Wes, especially now if he doesn’t make it.
Medics are here, getting Wes out of the room and pronouncing Annica dead. The other officer guides me to the ladder, where I climb down before him. He leads me down the stairs, to the living area, where people are gathered. Wes goes out on a stretcher, his parents following behind, his mother’s face in anguish. She might be screaming, but I don’t hear it over the melody in my head. Our friends are outside the front door when the officer leads me out to the other ambulance. I feel Dani’s hand grab for me, and I see Asher’s eyes. Terrified. I imagine that’s what Wesley’s eyes looked like while Annica stabbed him. While I was off cheating on him, again. The thought makes me physically ill. The medics look over me when we get to the truck and wrap me in a blanket when they realize none of the blood is mine, aside from what’s coming from my torn-up feet. They shine lights in my eyes and ask me questions.
“She’s in shock,” one of them says to the officer.
Our friends stand off to the side of the truck, as the one transporting Wes drives away. When the small black bag is carried out of the house next, the crowd murmurs, looking around, wondering who is missing. If this were a movie, the scene would play in slow motion with a somber song. I suppose that’s how I’m seeing it now.
“Who’s in there?” I hear Dani yell. “Who is in there?”
I just stare ahead.
“Where’s Annica?” Dani looks around. “Sloane, was she up there with you?”
Her voice sounds far away, like when you hear someone talking while you’re asleep. The voice that wakes you from a dream. Or a nightmare. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? When the medics don’t get adequate responses from me, I am loaded into the back of the ambulance next. With Annica’s body. I stare at the zipped-up black bag for the entire ride to the hospital, wondering how someone could hate someone elsethatmuch. And how I could be so blind to not see it. I thought about the look in her eyes when she held the gun up to me, and the way they looked wholly black in the low light of the attic. I didn’t recognize those eyes. They weren’t the same fiery, competitive eyes I met freshman year; they looked wild, scared, and even a little... relieved. She must have been tired—she had to be.
The ambulance pulls into Saint Ann’s Hospital on the island, and I learn that Wes is being airlifted to another hospital in Boston. I hate hospitals with their all-white interiors and lights bright enough to make anyone look sickly. They put me in a room alone. Nurses come in to check my blood pressure and shine lights in my eyes. They clean up my feet and bandage them. They ask questions and I give them nods and shakes of my head, but I can’t form the words to talk about what happened.
An hour or so later, Detective Grange shows up to the hospital. He stands at the doorway and knocks twice on the frame.
“Hello, Sloane,” he says from the door. “Can I come in?”
I nod.
He sits in one of the visitors’ chairs off to the side of the room and lets out a long sigh. “I spoke to a few of the officers at the house, but I think the only person who really knows what happened is you.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. I know he wants details but the whole memory feels jumbled in my head like the day after a blackout. I continue to stare down at my hands.
“Did you read the story?” I say finally.
“I did.” More silence. “Holland... he wrote your friend as the murderer.” I think of the photos Miles had in his apartment. Recent ones of me, and Annica. He was watching me. So in turn he was watching her. I let my head drop to my hands as more tears fall. I should’ve just read the goddamn story the night Miles showed up at my apartment. I would’ve known then. It wouldn’t have saved everyone, but it would’ve saved Wes. “Do you think you could walk me through what happened tonight?”
I tell him what I can. He doesn’t pry for answers like he usually does, only nods along. When my friends show up at the door, Grange stands to leave.
“I’m glad you’re all right,” he says before leaving. But I am not all right, not really.
The group doesn’t stay long, and we don’t say much. The uncomfortable silence paired with Dani’s sniffling goes on for only a half hour before Asher tells them all to leave me be, and that he will stay here until my mom comes. I wish he wouldn’t. When they’re gone he continues to stand in the door frame.
“How are you feeling?” he finally asks.
“Like I should’ve been with him tonight, not you.” I pull my feet back up to the bed and lie down again. I turn so I don’t have to face him.
I hear him walk over to the bed and slip off his shoes. He sits down on the edge, before lying next to me. His hands start torub my back, hesitantly, like he’s not sure if this will help. I turn toward him and I want to tell him to leave, to just let me feel bad in peace, but when I open my mouth my voice cracks and I cry instead. He holds me to him like he did not even four hours ago now, but under completely different circumstances.
“I wish she would’ve just killed me,” I cry into his shirt. “I do, then I wouldn’t have to live with this anymore.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispers.
I continue to cry, and from the uneven rise and fall of his chest, I think Asher is crying too.
Chapter 32
Wes will live.
We got the news days later, once we were all settled back in at Pembroke, dealing with the loss of almost two of our friends. Asher sent the text to the group, letting us all know. Wes suffered a lot of internal bleeding, but she didn’t stab any major organs. He could be back at Pembroke as early as next week. The thought had me nearly chewing the insides of my cheeks raw. How could I face him again? I cheated on him three times with Asher and then got him almost stabbed to death. If he ever even wanted to see me again, I’d be lucky.
I haven’t seen Asher, Dani, or anyone from the group since we’ve been back. Asher went to Colorado as planned. Dani has texted me every day since but I haven’t replied. I know she has Charlie to console her, and maybe that’s wrong of me to not respond. Annica was her best friend too. But my feelings on the matter are a little more complicated.
