“Hellbent Night!” Damian calls with slight outrage, like everyone should know what Hellbent Night is.
“Right.” Luis’s mouth quirks. “Happy Hellbent Night.” Then he opens the door and steps out into the dark with a wave.
The living room feels warm, lit with lamps against the early autumn dark. Jake brings out four glasses and the whiskey bottle. Damian has his own tall glass with lime and ice.
“Well?” asks Wyatt, taking a seat in one of the chairs and leaning back. “What do you think? Worth all the pain?”
“Every second.” I take a seat on the couch, facing him. “It’s beautiful.”
Luis brought his equipment and did the tattoo right here in the living room, with all four men watching and holding my hand, encouraging me through it. It took hours, and the pain was excruciating. But now that it’s over I feel strangely floaty and pleasant. A little lightheaded, a little buzzed.
“Not bad, eh?” says Damian. “Looks exactly like ours. He’s good.”
Then he lifts his glass and looks around at all us collecting in the couch and chairs. “Happy Hellbent Night, motherfuckers,” he says, and we all raise our glasses.
He drops into the other armchair, and puts one boot up on the edge of the coffee table. Jake and Ryder sit on either sideof me on the couch. Jake grabs a handful of chips and talks a bit about his job, a short-term gig for a government contractor. Then we start talking about local news, stuff that’s happening in town, and gossip from the shop.
“I heard Babydoll’s opening a place,” Wyatt says to me.
“Yeah.” I nod. “A bar a couple of streets over from Main Street. Renovating an old pool hall, I think.”
“Oh, wow,” says Jake. “So she’s moved out of the clubhouse?”
“They’ve all moved out of the clubhouse,” Wyatt confirms. “Property was seized. Asset forfeiture. She and Cipher are living in town. I went on a ride with him last week,” he says to me. “Proud as hell. Said Babydoll got a business loan all on her own.”
“She asked me if I wanted to work there,” I volunteer, and I see a flash of concern in his eyes. “Don’t worry. I told her no. Honestly, I only ever want to work at Leathernecks.”
“Good,” Damian says. “But good for her.”
“Yeah,” I say softly. “Good for her.”
I picture Babydoll behind a bar that actually belongs to her. Counting her own till, locking her own doors at night. No patches, no brotherhood, no men’s rules.
We survived the same fire, and knowing that she’s making a life for herself, a future, fills me with pride.
“Do you think this will be our first civilized Hellbent Night?” Wyatt asks.
Damian snorts. “None of us are clinging to life this time around…although Finchisbleeding.”
But Jake’s slow, wicked smile says it all. “If last year was any indication, this is probably not going to be civilized at all.” He winks at me and I blush.
It’s the question none of us has addressed.
Since Hellbent Night last year, everything about how we fit together has been taken apart and reassembled differently. There was a time when I was ashamed about my feelings for allof them, when it felt like a puzzle with no solution. But since that night one year ago, we agreed it was okay to share, to redefine love how it suited us, with the simple rule that it was all of us but only ever us.
Me at the centre of these four big, fierce men. I once thought I would never have a love like this, and now I have it with all of them.
But the thought of repeating last year has certainly been circling my mind all day. I live at Ryder’s house, spend time with Wyatt, spend time with Jake or Damian—or JakeandDamian. But since that night a year ago, I’ve never had all four of them in one night again.
And the prospect is dizzyingly exciting.
Looking around the faces in the room, it occurs to me that it’s my decision to make, not theirs. All they need is the word. They’re willing. They’re just wondering if I am.
“Okay,” says Damian. “Enough with the small talk. Should we start dares?”
Wyatt groans. “Here we go.”
Ryder laughs and refills our cups. Whiskey again. Seems that is the ceremonial drink of Hellbent Night. When he’s done, he tightens the cap and lays the bottle on its side on the floor and motions to Damian.
