Wind whips across the lake, making the surface ripple busily. The sky’s pewter-gray, still overcast even though the rain has stopped. I drop into the sand and hug my arms around knees.
I was thirteen when we met. Fourteen when I ran to him. Seventeen when we moved to the clubhouse. He built a whole kingdom I thought was ours, but the higher he rose, the more he looked down on me.
I dig my fingers into the cold sand, and crumble the gritty texture between my fingers. Somewhere deep down, something fragile loosens and moves. A tide shifting direction.
I’m free.
The thought circles cautiously.
Billy will never come for me again.
No one to collar or cage me.
I press my fingers to my throat, half-expecting to feel the leather of his claim, but there’s nothing there.
Just me.
The sound of footsteps crunches behind me and I think it must be Wyatt. It’s always Wyatt when I need him. But when the shadow reaches me, it’s Jake who drops down at my side.
He leans his elbows on his knees and stares out at the gray water for a beat, then turns to me, green eyes startlingly bright in the overcast light, eyebrows knitted.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” I answer.
Like Billy, Jake was a first love. He was the first of these men to hold me and comfort me and help me make a home among them. But yesterday he could barely look at me. Now he’s sitting close enough that I can feel the warmth off his arm, and I want nothing more than to lean into him. For him to hold me the way he used to.
“I’m sorry about Billy Manning,” he says.
I sigh. I don’t even know if I’m sad. Everything about Billy is a knot.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I’m just…processing.”
He nods, pressing his lips together, and looks out at the water again. “Wyatt told me some things about him. It didn’t sound great, but I guess you two had a history that could be…complicated.”
I pick at a pebble, flick it into the shallows. “Yeah. We knew each other since we were kids. So…a lot of history.”
“A lot of history to keep quiet about.”
I suppress a flinch.
“I never for a second thought anyone could get hurt. I never would have thought Billy—” I start, but he holds up a hand to stop me.
“I know, Max. I know you didn’t mean any harm. I’m sorry if I seemed dismissive yesterday, but I’m struggling to reconcile the girl I thought I knew with the girl it turns out I didn’t know at all. I’m just trying to figure out who exactly it was that I was looking for these past four months.”
That stings. I look out to the water so he can’t see the flash of heat on my cheeks.
“I’m still the same girl,” I say quietly, and he lets out a heavy breath.
“You know,” he says after a minute, “I don’t believe in black and white thinking. Good/bad, right/wrong, that kind of thing. People are complicated.Lifeis complicated. But what is important to me is trust. You know me, Max. I’m not the guy who needs labels or rules. I don’t care about any of that. Honesty, being real with each other, protecting each other, these are the things that matter to me. We have to have each other’s backs. That’s all we’ve got in this world.”
I nod, staring at the water, a pit opening in my stomach.
God, he’s been good to me. Better than I’ve ever deserved. And all I’ve done is make things messy—lie to him, keep things from him, and leave unfinished wreckage between us.
My mind flicks back to the last night at Ryder’s before everything went to hell. Before I was taken. Damian and Jake walking into Ryder’s house to find me in Ryder’s t-shirt, the two of us nervous and strange around each other in a way we hadn’t been before, and Damian scowling, putting it all together.
And then…no chance to fix any of it. No chance to explain.
