She doesn’t have to spell it out to me. “I get it.” Even though I’m a little disappointed, I know there’s no room to fight. Not because I don’t want to—my heart is telling me to makepromises I don’t know I can keep, give her everything even though it makes no sense. But she isn’t only thinking about her.
And if I fight, if I give in and get on my knees for her now, then it’s because I’m selfish and not thinking aboutthem.
The kids who would end up hurt in the end.
She’s not just protecting herself, but them, too.
“Do you, though?” Cassidy asks quietly, still watching me, still reserved. “Do you want kids, Caleb?”
I stiffen, even though my answer should be obvious—at least, to me it should.No. I never wanted them, even though I spent most of my life surrounded by them. I don’t like the mess they cause, and I especially don’t like the noise. Even though I don’t have a problem with my nieces and nephews, I wouldn’t have my own.
At least, that’s always been my stance. My position when asked by my family and friends. My manager used to joke the bears would be my only company when I grew old in this cabin, and they’d be the ones to claim my bones. Even the guy who I consider being my closest friend finds it funny that it would be me opposed to children, and not Winnie since she’s the one caught in the middle of the storm constantly.
And yet, as my gaze flickers to Cassidy’s, the response dies on my tongue. Instead, I pull open the fridge door and pull out a beer for myself.
“I think if we’re going to have this sort of conversation, I should also be drinking,” I say, popping the top. “Join me on the sofa?”
I offer her my hand, which she considers quietly before taking. As I help her off the stool, I can’t help but breathe her in. “Maybe I should go to bed,” she says, though she doesn’t pull her hand from mine.
“Or you can finally talk to someone who isn’t going to talk over you,” I reply, smiling when she pulls her hand from mine to smack me. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You are,” she says, grinning. “Winnie is fantastic. You’re lucky to have a sister like her.”
“Do you have a sister? Or any siblings?” I take a seat on one end of the sofa, while she takes the other, leaving one cushion between us. I hate the space, but I understand why she wants to keep it.
Maybe it’s for the best.
Cassidy eyes me for a moment before nodding. “I do. One. Her name is Olivia, and she has a baby boy named Christopher.”
I can tell there’s more to that story she isn’t willing to tell me. “And do you two have a good relationship?”
“Better than most. Let’s just say certain things run in our family, unfortunately.”
“Like what?” I take a sip as she rolls her eyes.
“Getting accidentally knocked up,” she says, chuckling. “Of course, she had her baby a couple months ago, one-night stand and she can’t find the father. I was a teenager in love with a boy who couldn’t see past himself to be a father. I was a single mother before his death, moved on, and now I’m a single mother again. There can’t be a third time, Caleb.”
Her dark eyes find mine, suddenly serious. Enough so that I put my beer on the side table. “What makes you think I want to do that to you?”
“Because you never answered my question,” she replies, finishing her drink in one pull. “Thanks for this. But I should go to bed.”
As she rises, I grab her arm, a breath catching in my throat. With only the light of the fire to illuminate her face, she looks otherworldly. Soft, like an angel doused in the golden hue of firelight. The way her golden hair frames her round face givesher an innocence that makes me want to protect her. Makes me want to hold her tight.
Slowly, I take the empty bottle and set it with my own. “I don’t,” I tell her honestly, the hope in her eyes flickering to disappointment. “At least I didn’t. I don’t know anymore.”
“I don’t think that’s a good enough answer,” she says quietly as she watches me stand. “Not when my kids are the only thing I care about.”
A lump forms in my throat as I pull her in close. “What if I told you that you and your kids are the reason why I’m questioning everything? Why I’m even wondering what a future might be like outside of all this?”
“Outside of what, Caleb? Winnie gave me a pretty good idea of what you’re like, and we don’t fit into that. The kids are quiet and docile now, but they’re almost teenagers. They’ll be loud and annoying, and soon they’ll be talking back and fighting. You don’t sound like the kind of guy who can handle any of that.”
I try not to let the hurt show as her words hang between us. The me of last week would agree wholeheartedly with her statement and prove her point.
But the me of now, that wantsher, that thinks he has a chance at winning over her kids? He wants to prove her wrong.
I swallow hard, glancing down at her plush lips. “Maybe it’s too soon, but I can give you what you need.”
Cassidy shakes her head sadly. “You’ve known us two days, Caleb. You can’t give us anything.”
