I suck in air, looking down at my lap.
“How could someone fall in love in, like, two days?” I ask. “It’s crazy.” It’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but Janae calls my bluff.
“I don’t know, babe,” Janae says. “You tell me.”
My chest tightens.
“I do,” I say. “Or, I did. Or…I don’t know.” Janae threads her fingers through mine and squeezes. “But it was a lie, don’t you see? Hetricked me.”
She nods. “That was not his finest hour, I’ll give you that.”
“But…?” I prompt, hearing the implication of abutin the way she said it.
“Remember you love me, Fee. And I love you.” Janae repositions herself on the couch, tucking her long legs beneath her, and faces me head-on. “He’s not…entirely wrong.”
“WHAT?!”
“Hear me out! Look, you’re not unlovableat all. In fact, you’re extremely lovable. I love you to bits.”
I wave my hand in a circle, motioning for her to get on with it.
“But you have made yourselfseemunlovable since Bryan.”
I huff, preparing my rebuttal, but she continues.
“When Bryan left, you decided that was it for you—that you were done with looking for love. You were in your twenties, Fee. And he was anass.”
“But—”
“No buts! He was a certified grade-A prime turd of a man. He didn’t deserve a tenth of what you offered him, and he threw it away, anyway. That wasn’tlove.That was manipulation and control.”
I let my body sink into the couch cushions and throw my arms over my face.
“And you’re still letting him control you. Years later. Every time you close yourself off to someone new, he wins.”
Tears prickle behind my eyelids. I keep them shut, adding more pressure with my arms. It hurts to hear Janae say these things, even though a part of me knows that she’s right.
“Maybe I’m not meant for romantic love,” I say. “Some people are aromantic, you know.”
“Yes, of course,” she replies. “Butyou’renot, Fee. I knew you before Bryan, and in the early stages of your relationship. You were gaga over him. You loved the idea of being in love.”
I grab a decorative pillow and scream into it. Janae rubs comforting circles on my back.
“What about my app, J? I’m building my future onnotbelieving in this romantic love…stuff.”
She shoves my shoulder. “You’re kidding, right? Fee, you’re brilliant. You’ll come up with another idea—a betterone—and you’ll build that. Between you and me, I don’t think the anti-dating app’s got legs.”
“Yeah,” I say. “You made that obvious from day one.”
“Oh, so youdidnotice,” she says with a laugh.
“Do you think he was lying about the fall of humanity thing? That if my app succeeded, it would destroy civilization as we know it?”
Janae considers this seriously, which is impressive since it’s such a ludicrous question. “Hard to say,” she answers slowly. “But if anyone were capable of creating an app that could destroy civilization, it would be you.”
“Not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.”
“Good.”
