The hurt and hollowness in my chest doesn’t move, and I stay in the car longer than I should before I gather the strength to go in and call Gates. I’ll take pictures of the evidence and send them to him… just in case.
I get out of the car slowly and follow through with the orders Gates gave me days ago.
I sit at the desk in the back room and dial the number.
The phone rings and rings.
Finally, a man answers.
I give him the code words, and it’s done.
My mission is done.
The only thing I want to do is to run to Olivia. I need to know if she’s okay. I need to make sure she’s alright. But I could never do that.
The world I’ve been living in vanishes before my eyes. The reality sets in.
* * *
Everything I did to her plays through my mind in slow motion.
I fell in love with her, but she should hate me for what I've done.
Olivia
I look over at Cheryl hesitantly. I’ve been home for a few days now. But I haven’t left my room much. I haven’t talked to my parents. They keep telling me they’ll be there when I’m ready. But I don’t see how I could ever be ready.
“Just talk to me,” Cheryl says and reaches her hand out to me. I want to tell them all, but I know what they’ll say. I confessed everything to the shrinks at the hospital and they gave me a pill and said I was sick. I’m not sick. I’m heartbroken; there’s a difference.
I don’t need anyone else talking to me about Stockholm syndrome. I’m thinking clearly, and functioning just fine. But I miss him. It hurts me so much to not know if he’s okay.
It’s almost like it never happened. Like I imagined it.
One day I was taken, and two months later I’m dropped off at a hospital. They filed a report even though I told them not to. Doctor-patient confidentiality apparently doesn’t mean shit if my state of mind is unwell.
I didn’t tell the police anything. I don’t want to confide in anyone. I just want Kade back. I rub my chest where the pain is.
“I know they hurt you,” Cheryl says and her voice cracks. She just wants me to talk, I know that. But I can't.
“Please don’t.” I shake my head and stop her right in her tracks. Tears prick my eyes. “Don’t.” I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want her pity. I don’t want to know what they think happened to me. I know what they think, and I know what they’ll say if they ever found out the truth.
“Tell me to do something then. Please.” Cheryl’s voice is full of desperation. “I feel so guilty.” She takes in a ragged breath. “You have no idea. I love you so fucking much, and when you didn’t come home I knew something was wrong.”
Hot tears run down her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have let you go there alone.” She doesn’t bother to wipe them away. It was just to an interview. I don't blame her in the least.
I hug her, making the bed bounce slightly. I tighten my arms around her to show her how much I love her. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay.” She holds me back and doesn't let go as a violent sob is ripped from her throat.
“It’s not okay.” She pulls away from me and angrily wipes the tears. “You’re not okay.” I barely make out her words through the sobs.
She struggles to even her breathing. She’s right; I’m not okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. I’ve never hurt this much before.
I feel abandoned and alone. Even though I’m surrounded by friends who are here for me. I don’t want them though. I want Kade.
I take in a steadying breath and prepare to answer her, but a sturdy knock at my door stops me.
“Olivia?” My father’s voice is uncertain.
“Yes?” I answer hesitantly.
