“Get out of my head!” I scream and seethe with anger. My eyes open slowly and I lift my head, seeing him watching from the corner of the living room.
“And what’s worse? I knew I was fucked up in the head. So fucked up I couldn’t go to her. I wanted to. So, fucking badly, but because of you, I couldn’t!”
Toby barks and snarls, turning to face Jay, to face nothing. His hackles are raised as he exposes his teeth and a vicious growl echoes in the room.
“Jay?” I hear Robin call out from down the hallway, and closest to Jay. Closest to where Toby is facing. To what he sees as a threat.
Not my little bird. My body feels heavy and then light. He’s gone and then I’m gone, a blackness taking over. But I fight it. The fur bunches in my hand.
I hear him whine, feel the dog’s claws digging into the ground, and the sounds follow me, although I don’t feel present. I’m here but not in control of my actions. Present but weak. Muted by the control Jay has, but conscious of it.
The basement door slams shut, and Toby claws and barks at the door. Over and over, the poor thing trapped but our Robin protected.
Our Robin.
“It’s hell, isn’t it?” I hear Jay’s voice in my head as I come back to what’s real. As I struggle to catch my breath and feel the blood from Toby’s bite dripping down my arm.
When did he bite me?
“When you grabbed him from behind,” I hear Jay say from the other end of the hallway.
“Jay!” Robin calls out from behind the closed door to her room.
“It’s a bitch being there but not being present, isn’t it?” Jay sneers. “It’s fucking hell!” he screams and then stares at Robin’s bedroom door.
“I’m coming out,” Robin says from behind the door and both of us whip our heads to stare.
“Stay inside!” he screams before I can, but the words come from me, I can feel it. My body, but not my mind.
I don’t want her out here, I think but don’t say.
She’s not a part of this, I hear in my own head. I look up and he’s gone.
“You brought her here,” I say out loud with spite.
“I can help, we need to talk,” Robin says and her words are muted by the closed door.
“How could you bring her here?” I ask him as my body trembles. My poor Robin. She can’t be here.
“You slept. Well you thought you slept, with not a fucking worry in the world. All the while, all I am is a fucking ghost of what happened to us! You kept me back to feel better,” he spits the last two words.
“Selfish fuck!” I spit the words as the bedroom door opens. In two large strides I’m at the door and pulling the handle hard so it shuts.
“Stay inside!” I scream at her while Jay fights for control, or does he? I don’t know anymore. My head pulses again with pain.
“I’m not going away, John.”
I grab both sides of my head, falling against the hallway.
“Jay, please,” I hear Robin call as the door creaks open again.
“Get out,” I tell him as my hands ball into tight fists. They pound my head time and again.
“Please let me help you.” She’s cautious and doesn’t move from her spot, but she opens the door slowly.
“You do this to me!” Jay’s voice forces my eyes up to the corner of the hallway as Robin approaches me. He screams back at me, his eyes glossy and suddenly I see him for who he really is. “This is who you are!”
“Jay, please,” Robin says and walks toward me with her hands up. She’s walking into the fire.
