Her quaking arms wrapped tighter, hurting my unhealed side. “No. Don’t blame—”
“If I don’t blame myself, who can I?” I pressed my face into her throat, the short ends of her hair tickling my cheeks. “I sent you back. I fucking sent you back to be raped and—”
She struggled in my arms. “He didn’t—”
I pulled back, anger cresting. “Don’t lie to me! You can’t lie to me, remember?”
Her lips pursed; she battled between looking at the floor for privacy and fighting me like she’d fought my brother. “Don’t. Don’t get mad. I’m only trying to save—”
I bared my teeth. “Save me? That’s my fucking job, Nila. Not yours. Don’t you get it? I should’ve been the one to protect you. Not the other way around.”
She didn’t reply, her eyes burning black holes into my soul. There was no judgement in her gaze, only forgiveness for making her leave when she’d begged me to reconsider.
“Fuck.” My back rolled, and I grabbed her close again. “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry.”
Her arms twined around me, her love giving me somewhere to hide from my own fucked-up emotions. “I know. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay. None of this was okay. But I wouldn’t press it further. Not here. Not now.
Whatever had happened before my arrival spilled out of her, lapping around our feet.
Her fingers dug into my spine, reliving what she’d done. “I wanted to kill him. But now...now, maybe...I didn’t. God, I killed him, Kite. I—I took a life.” She hugged me impossibly harder as she lost herself to tangled thoughts. An odd overtone layered her emotions the longer I held her. The sensation of needand desire so strong it superseded her misery at killing.
I winced at her strength but didn’t care about the pain. All I cared about was her. About taking her far away from here and protecting her like I should’ve done from the start.
I crushed her in my embrace, holding her so fucking close. “It’s over now. Whatever happened, it’s over.” I kissed the top of her head, her brow, her eyes. “Are you okay? Don’t lie to me. I need to know you aren’t hurting.” My eyes trailed over her injuries. Daniel had done more than touch her, he’d hit her, possibly kicked her.
Her hair stuck up in places, and her cheek flamed red from a slap. She’d been to hell and back, but she’d left my brother in damnation.
I’m so fucking proud of her.
She nodded, breathless and broken. Tears washed down her face. I’d never seen her so primitive, focused only on survival and death. “I’m okay. I’m okay. I am. Truly. I’ll be okay.” The same shadow of lust tainted her voice. I could understand sudden joy at winning over an enemy, but lust?
Taking a few steps back, I pulled her away from Daniel. He lay on his back, blood clotting on his side, a blue tinge already creeping over his lips.
I didn’t want her to look. I’d been around death before. I’d been the instigator of taking another’s life. It wasn’t easy to stare into the eyes of your victim once it was over. Especially when self defence forced your actions.
“Don’t look. Forget what happened. I’m here now, and I’m never leaving again.” I kissed her hair, so, so thankful I had her back in my arms.
Nila squirmed, disobeying me and looking at Daniel’s corpse. Her muscles locked; a haunting hollowness entered her eyes. “He deserved it. So why do I feel like such a monster?”
I clamped my hands on her shoulders. “Hediddeserve it. Don’t second-guess. You did what you had to do.”
“Did I? Was there no other choice?”
I shook my head firmly. “None. It was the only way.”
Nila bit her lip, her eyes overflowing with liquid. “But...he was the youngest. He couldn’t help that Bonnie and Cut called him a mistake. He couldn’t stop being ridiculed or believing in what he’d been told.”
What?
What did she know about our upbringing and who Daniel had become because of his childhood? I’d caught him hurting for fun, killing animals for a rush. I’d told him off for being so egotistical and crude. Kes dealt with Daniel’s fuck-ups more than I did because being around him was too hard. I’d slowly feed off the nastiness inside him. But because of my condition, I could wholeheartedly say he deserved what he got. Nila hadn’t killed him. Karma had.
“Putting tragic tales to villains is a sure way to destroy yourself when they force you to do something cruel in order to survive, Nila.”
Nila clenched her jaw, ready to argue. To judge herself into torment. Yet again another ripple of need, completely out of context to the situation, polluted the air.
Forcing her to twist and look at me, rather than Daniel, I cupped her cheeks. “Nila, listen to me. Don’t look for redemption in those who don’t deserve it. If you hadn’t fought back, he would’ve raped you and possibly killed you. You don’t know him—not like I do. And I can safely say, he deserved it.”
