His fists clenched. His head bowed and the most heart-clenching gasp fell from his lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I choked back a sob, caught between needing to hide and going to hold him. “I know. But I’m not looking for an apology for what’s happened. I would’ve paid a million times over to deserve you.”
My tummy fluttered with an aviary of birds.Please, listen. Please, see me.“I’m looking for a promise, Jethro.” I drifted toward him.
He didn’t move as the distance diminished. Hesitantly, with the gentlest touch, I placed a hand over his heart. The same irregular beat hammered back. The same uncertainty and lostness from the springs.
“I’m asking you to make me yours,” I murmured. “Take me into your heart. Let me enter your soul. Give in to what we have.”
He swallowed a moan and everything crested inside him. His eyes snapped to mine. With savage strength, he grabbed my collar and swung me around to press against the door. His lips landed on my ear, his breath fast and erratic. “That’s what I’ve been doing. Letting you inside me—permitting you to ruin me every fucking day. You already know how I feel about you. You already know that I’m worthless because of it.”
My heart raced. “You’re not worthless. If you show me the goodness inside you, I can prove you’re priceless.”
He laughed harshly. He looked dangerously unhinged. “Try telling that to my father.” His fingers twitched around my collar. “I’ve made myself clear. I’ve been nothing but transparent about what happened. I’ve done everything that I could.”
My eyes popped wide, even as more tears fell. “You think you’ve been transparent!” Shoving him backward, I slapped him. “You’re not transparent! You’re so damn obtuse—so tied up in your lies—that you have no idea what you’re saying anymore!”
His entire body tensed. “The Debt Inheritance is my cross to bear—not yours. This isn’t about what your family did to mine—it’s about if I’m worthy enough! Don’t you get it? This was never about you! It’s always been about me, and I’m fucking everything up. I’m killing myself!”
A half-sob half-laugh erupted from my mouth. “The moment you took my hand in Milan, this ceased to be about you. This isn’t about Hawks or Weavers or any other bullshit you can come up with.” Shoving him again, I screamed, “It’s about us! About what we’ve found.Together!”
“Thereisnothing between us but debts!”
I shook my head, my palm itching to slap him again. “How do you explain what happens when you’re inside me then? How do you explain the link we feel when we let ourselves be honest?”
“What happened in the springs was a mistake. It was just fucking—”
I punched his chest, making him stumble. “Liar.Such a damned awful liar! You love me—you just can’t admit it. You want me over wealth and inheritances and family—you’re just too fucking terrified to man up and see the truth!”
I advanced on him. Everything I’d been dying to say spewed forth in a torrent of accusations. “I see the way you look at me. I feel the way you touch me. I hear the hidden messages in your voice. Unlike you, I’ve been blessed knowing the warmth that comes with love. The way a person’s eyes glow and body softens. You love me! And if you can stand there and deny it—when it’s so blatantly obvious—then there really is no hope for us. You might as well march me outside and complete the Final Debt, because I’d rather you kill me quickly than live through this endless death!”
I sucked in a breath. My lungs gasped for oxygen as if I hadn’t breathed since entering Hawksridge. There was clarity and blazing freedom in chopping up our lies, letting them fall around our feet like confetti.
Looking at the carpet, I rubbed the ache in my chest. “I’m done,” Iwhispered. “If you can’t say anything after I just revealed everything, then there truly is no hope and I refuse to waste—”
Jethro’s breathing turned heavy. He backed away until his spine slammed against the wall. His chin dropped; his hands clutched at the smoothness behind him.
Our eyes met.
A terrible storm howled inside, twisting him into knots. His hands flew to grip his skull, his chest rising and falling with sporadic agony. “What do you want from me, Nila? You want to know that I fucking love you more than I can stand? That I’m breaking because I know I’m not good enough for you?What?”
My world stood still.
“...I fucking love you...”
He admitted it.
A tortured groan echoed around the room as his eyes squeezed.
Fighting to keep it together, he sucked in huge gusts of oxygen.
He fought the truth.
He fought the tears.
He fought himself.
But...
