He wants you.
I shook my head. He couldn’t touch me. Not when I was so...delicate. There would be no way I could halt the mess inside and find my way back to sanity if he touched me.
Run.
It’s the only way.
Leaving the border of the arena, I darted through the crowds and away from my feelings and the man I couldn’t face.
Ladies giggled as the gates were opened to carry on the time-old tradition of stomping on the divots caused by the horse’s hooves. Music floated across the sun-drenched field from large speakers.
I left it all behind.
Walking briskly past the Hawk’s private gazebo, I caught the eye of Flaw. He crooked his finger, motioning me to go inside. I shook my head and pointed to the perimeter of the grandstand, indicating I needed some space.
He frowned then weaved through customers, who’d no doubt bought a smuggled diamond or two, and made his way toward me.
No, I need time alone.
I broke into a jog.
My ballerina shoes coasted over the thick grass whereas ladies in heels struggled, their pretty shoes sinking into the mud.
Before the match had started, I’d been in my element—drinking in the designs of their gowns and improving on styles that intrigued me. All around, women clustered in beautiful fabrics, laughing beneath hats that dripped with organza and hand-stitched lace flowers.
Now those same fashions were in my way as I wriggled through the dispersing crowd and ducked down the side of the grandstand.
No one disturbed me as I kept my eyes trained on the ground and didn’t stop jogging until I rounded the back of the tiered seating and disappeared into the hushed world of scaffolding and churned earth.
The second the shadows claimed me, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank God.
There was no one here apart from stacked chairs and boxes of polo equipment.
I could let go of my iron control and indulge in a moment of self-pity. I was screwed up, and I had to find some way of fixing myself.
You’re not falling for him.
You’re not.
I found a place to recline and hung my head in my hands. “You can’t be, Nila. Think of your family. Think about why you’re here. About your promise.”
My voice fell around me like the tears I wanted to shed.
You know how wrong all of this is.
You know what he means to do.
I groaned, digging my fingers into my hair and tugging. A single tear rolled down my nose. It hovered on the tip like a jewel, before splashing to the dirt below.
At least I was hidden. Jethro wouldn’t find me, and by the time we returned to Hawksridge, I would’ve torn out my heart and destroyed all notions of having feelings for him.
I would do what was necessary. What was right.
I just hope I have the strength to do it over and over again.
Taking a deep breath, I drifted further into the gloom. I liked my hiding spot. I never wanted to leave.
