My palms grew slick with sweat. I hadn’t meant to show what I’d kept hidden successfully for years. My true nature was not tolerated in the Hawk family—even by my grandmother, who by all rights should encourage us to be gentle and forgiving—not keeping alive a ridiculous debt over a family that made a few mistakes hundreds of years ago.
Fuck, I need time alone.
I needed to get myself under control, before I dug a grave worse than the one I just did.
When my jaw refused to unlock, my father muttered, “Maybe I’ve put too much responsibility on you, Jet. Are you taxed already? Maybe I overestimated you, and Kes or Daniel should share your workload?”
Something slithered across my soul.
Daniel snickered. “Give her to me, Pop. I’ll make sure I don’t let you down.” His eyes danced with evil. “Unlike some.”
We glowered at each other; he tried to intimidate me but didn’t succeed. He never succeeded.Fucking twat.
Tension crackled around the table. Kestrel stopped shovelling food into his mouth long enough to say, “You know Jet is the best man for the job. I’ve never seen him fail you yet, Pop. Give the bloke a chance.” Giving me a conspiring look, he added, “She’s highly strung and goddamn beautiful. Can’t blame a man for wanting to enjoy the chance to break such a filly.”
Goddammit, what the hell does that mean?
My temper raged beneath my thin exterior of ice. Lately, I was a fraud. A hypocrite, just like Nila said. The coldness inside was mysteriously missing. The blissful uncaring, the emotional detachment I’d been forced to live with since my father taught me how to behave was gone—almost as if someone had flicked a switch.
Before, I felt nothing. I permitted my senses to neither care, nor feel hate, nor feel happiness. I was blank, blessedly blank and strong. Now, I felteverything. I overthoughteverything. I wanted to murder every man I lived with purely because I wasn’t what they’d groomed me to be.
I fucking hated it.
And I hated that Kestrel—my one ally who knew the truth aboutme—was pushing my damn buttons. “If you think a speech like that will get you near her, think again. Good try, brother, but I’m watching you.”
Kes grinned. “We’ll see. After all, she’sours.Not just yours. Our adoptive pet, if you will. Can’t help it if the pet prefers someone else than the original owner.”
My hand clenched around the butter knife.
“Enough,” my father snapped. It echoed around the room, bouncing off the images of our forefathers.
“I expect you to do the First Debt before the week is out, Jet,” my grandmother said, her lips covered in clotted cream.
I swallowed in disgust. “Yes, Grandmamma.”
Cut, my father, muttered, “Do what you think you need to do, Jethro. But mark my words...I’m judging your every move.”
Judge me, you bastard.Watch me behave just as you’ve taught. Watch me be the perfect Hawk.
I would make sure to give him something to judge.
Tonight, I would ‘fix’ myself. Tonight, I would smooth away the chaos that Nila fucking Weaver had caused and find that saviour of snow.
Cut continued to watch me as he spooned dessert into his mouth. “Make me proud, son. You know what you need to show her and what needs to be done afterward.”
Forcing my hand to uncurl around the knife, I placed it slowly on the table. Swallowing the overwhelming emotions that had no place in my world, I muttered, “I’ll make you proud, father.”
Cut relaxed into his chair.
Instantly, a wash of relief fell over me. It had always been the same. I lived with a family of devils. I was one year away from being emperor to them all, yet I still craved my elders’ respect.
The kid inside never fully got over the need to impress—even though deep down he knew it was an impossibility.
“We’ll be watching, Jethro. You don’t want to disappoint your family.”
My eyes snapped to Bonnie Hawk as she licked residual cream from her fingertip. Tilting her head, she quirked her lips into a secretive smile.
My muscles locked. Being the head of the family, she continued to hold the last say—the last piece of power over anything we did. Sheknew more about me than even my father. I might crave my father’s respect, but I would never get over knowing I would never earn Bonnie’s.
