"That's because he's my friend," Melanie commented. This was how it all started anyway. Maybe that had been her first mistake. That was the first line she shouldn't have crossed. If she hadn't become close friends with Noah, then she wouldn't be feeling the way she did for him now. And though she wanted to turn back to that friendship and hold onto it tightly, she knew like Noah knew that there was no turning back for them.
"Well, that friendship you both built got you to this point. I think you're both good together, but you're making a mistake because of fear. Don't miss out on Noah because you're being stubborn."
It was quiet again with the low volume of the television filling the room as Melanie quietly ate her ice cream, musing over what her friend had told her as she felt a tightness in her chest and more fear than she had felt last night at the idea of getting caught— the fear of losing something that had yet to get the chance to start.
"I'm not sure what I should do," Melanie admittedly quietly. "A big part of me is telling me not to do this. But the other part of me, the tiny part of me, is telling me I should. But it's very tiny."
Abigail shrugged. "It's your decision. You'll never know if you don't try. Maybe this will be the biggest mistake of your life, or maybe it will be the best choice you ever made."
Melanie snorted.
"I bet it's the best choice," Abigail said, smiling.
CHAPTER
35
MELANIE
T
HE LAST WEEK OF THE SEMESTER FLEW PAST LIKE A SMALL BREEZE. Almost every day, Melanie was busy with many of her students asking for extra credit at the last minute or asking for help on certain terms they didn't understand. Melanie was willing to help the latter, but anyone who asked for extra-credit was out of luck. She didn't give extra credit, and the tears and fibs told weren't going to make her change her policy for anyone.
Throughout the week, during class, Noah wouldn't speak to her at all other than to tell her he wouldn't be coming to their tutoring sessions for the week. Melanie knew that her childish comment had to be a blow to Noah's pride, but Melanie had never expected this. She had never expected to be cut off completely. At least, not yet. It was their last week together before the semester was over, and then nothing would tie them together anymore. Melanie at least hoped they could end as friends and move on with their lives. Though she had her conversation with Abigail, it wasn't enough to make her change her mind. She was confident that ending her relationship with Noah was for the best, but she didn't quite expect it to be like this. Then again, maybe it was best that he ignored her, so they could cut everything off clean.
Melanie shouldn't have let it get this far anyway, and that was her fault, and she felt terrible for it. But at least everything was going down the right track now, and soon, Noah himself would realize it was for the best, especially with the distance that would be between them now that they had nothing tying them together. Noah would hang out with girls his age, and he would find the girl for him, and he would forget about all the kisses they shared and realize how silly it was of him to want to have a relationship with his professor.
And she…she wasn't quite sure she would feel the same. Though she was putting a lock on her feelings, it didn't mean she didn't have them. It was just that she was an adult, and it was her responsibility to control her desires and not act on them, taking advantage of her student. Her feelings didn't matter, what mattered was what was best for Noah.
And since today was the day of finals for her class with Noah, everything would finally end. Melanie slowly walked around the classroom, watching her students as they took their exams, making sure that none of them had wandering eyes where they shouldn't be, or no one was looking at their arm too much that was probably inked with information that they should have memorized on their own before they came there today. They had a full hour and thirty minutes to take the exam, and when the first forty minutes were up, the first student to finish stood, and surprisingly, it was Noah.
Melanie blinked, pausing in her steps as she watched Noah come down the steps, walking over to her. Her heart beat in her chest as she felt the world tilt off its axis. This wasn't how she planned this day to happen. She thought Noah would be amongst the last students to leave, preferably, the last one, and then she would be able to tell him goodbye comfortably. And after that, she would see him in passing on campus sometimes, but even that was a stretch. Weston's campus was big. She would only be able to see Noah if she wanted to see him, and the chances of seeing him in passing were close to none considering she wasn't on campus often.
"Are you certain?" Melanie quietly asked as she took the booklet Noah passed to her, along with one of the pencils that had been given out before the exam. Noah usually liked to take his time with exams. She hoped he didn't rush through the questions. "You still have an hour left to go over your answers."
"I'm certain," Noah said, adjusting his bag over his shoulder.
Melanie found herself at a loss for words when reality set in. This was it. Once Noah left out that door, everything would be over between them. Their academic relationship, their friendship, and their almost romantic one. They wouldn't meet again, and Noah wasn't a psychology major, and with where his career headed, this would be his last school year.
Melanie opened her mouth, trying to find the right words to say to him right now, but nothing could come to mind, at least not anything she could say in a classroom full of students even if she whispered. What could she tell Noah anyway? There was nothing to really say. This was it. This was what she wanted for them, and she would stick to that and not let her heart control her.
"Have a good break," Melanie told Noah with a small smile. Noah stared at her momentarily before he nodded and left the room. Melanie watched his back until the door closed.
It was all over.
***
Once the exam period was over, Melanie went back to her office and started to grade them. She knew some of her co-workers would probably think she was crazy for doing so. Most wanted the semester to be over so badly that they had already started their breaks. But Melanie didn't like to drag her work out like that, and since she had been a student herself before, she knew what it was like to check Blackboard every day to see if your professor put up your grade or not, and she didn't want to keep any of her students waiting.
She graded over half of the exams before she made it Noah's. Taking a deep breath, she looked at his somewhat sloppy handwriting with a slight chuckle before she went through it. Surprisingly, Noah got all but one question right. No wonder he left with such confidence. With an exam alone, he showed her through his work that he understood the work she had taught him over the semester. Melanie turned to the last page to see if he had done the bonus question. She decided to be nice, and give people a fair chance to make up for points they might have missed by giving them an easy question— what did you learn from this course and how will you apply it to your everyday life. She had made it worth 20 points, which was a lot, and Abigail had persuaded her to do it.
Melanie smiled when she saw Noah had done the bonus question. She was curious to see what he had said about her course, and if he did it right, his grade would be perfect.
When Melanie took in the first line, she found herself stunned. “What is this?” Melanie asked herself as she continued to read Noah’s answer.
I learned that you bite on your bottom lip when you’re worried. I learned that you like to watch soap operas, and whenever a character magically dies, whether you liked them or not, you cry. I learned that you hate to cry in front of other people because it makes you feel weak, so you try to hide your face from me whenever you do. I learned that you’re very tough on your students, but you’re also very empathetic, and that why’s when Dale lost his grandfather, you gave him time off and a chance to retake his exam, and you even attended the funeral. But you told no one because that’s the type of person you are. You don’t mind being the villain to other people because all that matters are that the people closest to you know who you really are. I learned that your default response to any question is sarcasm. And, the biggest thing I’ve learned from this course, or per say, the biggest thing I’ve learned about you, is that though you’re an ambitious, accomplished woman, whenever you think you’re going to fail, you run away. Melanie, I realized that when I took this course, it wasn’t just to learn about the study of human thought and behavior, but it was to learn about you. It was to learn about the way you think, and the way you are, and the way you love. And I’ve realized that after taking this course, there’s still so much more I want to learn about you. I want to map and trace every part of you, all of the good, and the bad. The psychology of you, Melanie Bryant, is what I want to major in. And if you can keep teaching me that, every day, I’ll promise to learn all about you without missing a day or a lesson. I promise to be the best student ever, if you’ll allow me.
Reading the last line blurred her vision. Melanie sniffled surprised by her own emotions, filled with sadness and so much regret. She should have given in. She should have acted on her heart. She would never regret anything as much as not telling Noah how she truly felt. And now, it was all over because of her.
