His lips twitch. "Have you been speaking to him?"
"No," she says. "I haven't. But Dad said he'd dropped outof university and moved back home. Apparently, he's a driver or something for some businessman."
Now I'm truly intent on asking a lot of questions, but unfortunately, they both seem racked with nerves. "What businessman?" I ask softly. Is he a driver for Jimmy? Did he drive me to Jimmy Storm's house that evening? I can't remember the driver's face. Does he work for Dustin? If he hates Konnor as much as Max had implied, then maybe he's working for Dustin as a way to get back at Konnor. Am I overthinking this?
Blesk answers without looking at me. "I don't know. I didn’t ask." Reaching for Konnor's tight face, she strokes her fingers down his cheek. "When Dad brings him up, I try to change the subject."
Konnor's face makes me wary of asking more questions, but my curiosity eventually wins out. "What happened between you two, Konnor?"
"Cassidy" – he stands, picking up his empty glass – "we got in a big fucking fight, alright? I nearly killed him."
As he walks towards the bar, I follow him with my eyes. "Why?"
He fills his glass up with water from the tap. "It's none of your business."
"Erik's my brother," Blesk blurts out and then holds her tongue for a few seconds. She swallows. "I'm adopted, just like Konnor. Erik was...attackingme... forcing himself on me." As those words fall from her lips like acid, I cover my mouth to smother a gasp.
"Oh my God," I whisper, wishing I'd never asked. Wishing I'd thrown a rock at his face. Wishing I'd kicked him in the balls. "I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this up. I didn’t know it had anything to do with you, Blesk, or I wouldn’t hav?—"
"Cassidy, please, it's fine." She leans forward and briefly touches my thigh. "This is actually good for me. I've been working on saying these things aloud." She smiles up at Konnor, who, despite his taut shoulders, returns her smile. "He abused me for years." She looks back at me. "He's sick. There is something really wrong inside him. I know this now. It took me a while though. I've had friends call it a kind of Stockholm syndrome, but I don’t think it needs a label. He used to play mind games with me." She gets lost in thought. "Anyway, you should definitely avoid him."
There are tears forming in my eyes now. "Avoid him. Kick him in the balls. Potato patato," I manage to say with a reasonably steady voice, reaching for a soft ending to this conversation.
It works.
She lets out a small chuckle. Even though she is showing signs of resolve that I could never understand, I'm completely devastated for her. There is no possible way a girl like me can comprehend that kind of anguish. And I thought love was the ultimate sensitivity. But abusive love? That breeds unrelatable emotions.
Ice bath
It’sWednesday night and my toes and left ankle are in agony from training. I've been overdoing it. The bathtub slowly fills with cold water. The last bag of ice is poured in and it no longer splashes the water, but now settles atop the other cubes. It's been a few weeks since I've had an ice bath, but after today, I feel my body needs it. It's called cold therapy and ever since the first time I'd tried it, after I'd injured my right ankle, I've used it to help with circulation and inflammation.
I stare at the cubes and channel my mind to focus on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Gripping the tub on either side, I slide into the freezing cold water. My breath becomes fitful as the cold consumes my senses and wipes away every other thought. I know that all I have to do is channel my attention through the first sixty seconds and then my body will become accustomed to the freezing temperature and my skin will no longer burn.
My phone buzzes on the floor beside me. Luckily the universe has given me a little distraction from thecold. I reach for it and stare at the screen, suddenly reminded of a week ago when I'd received their first text. I'd completely forgotten about it. I thought it was Max, but now I know he doesn’t have a phone.
Unknown number: I wish I could suck on your tongue.
My fingers type frantically across the display:Not interested,who are you?Seriously get lost. My heart beats an erratic cadence. Staring at the text, I decide not to press enter. Nothing is the best response for now. Perhaps whoever it is will lose interest.
Focusing on my breathing, I drop my phone to the floor. When I hear a knock at the door, I'm still panting.
"Cassidy? You okay?" My dad's voice comes through the door.
"Yeah. I'm just having an ice bath. I'm not dying." I laugh breathlessly.
"You have a visitor."
It's Toni.
There is no way in hell I'm getting out of this bath and braving the first sixty seconds again. "Okay. I'll be out in about ten minutes. Entertain him for me or just send him up."
There is a pause and then, "Okay, baby."
After ten minutes in the bath, my pulse has gone from frantic to steady. When I step out, I wrap a towel around me, no longer feeling cold at all. As always, after ice therapy, I feel euphoric. The twinge in my left ankle is much better. It can nearly bare my full weight again. I don't let it, though. I'll hobble tonight and let it rest while I'm in bed. Tomorrow I'll use it cautiously. Dressing in a thigh-length pink silk robe and white knickers, I hobble down the stairs. My feetstumble when I see Max and my dad talking in the living room. Unable to stop smiling, I cover my mouth with my palm instead. I do a little happy dance on the step. Will I ever be cool?
Nope.
I backtrack up the stairs and try to eavesdrop, but I can't make out words, only the tones... They are friendly. Chatty. I smooth my hair out, pinch my cheeks, and squat, so I can peer around the wall and observe Max from a distance. He's on the couch, leaning back with his ankle resting on his knee, completely comfortable in my house. He's smiling. My tongue lathers my lower lip while I enjoy the perfection of him like a naughty voyeur. He's beautiful. My dad might have a heart attack when he sees me greet Max in only my robe, but the idea fills me to the brink with excitement.
